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no choices

seamusunseanSenior Contributor24 Sept 2016, 6:05 am AEST

no choices

Gday im 45 just coming out of a divorce where my children have been systematically taken from me after being a stay at home dad for around seven years. My ex walked out claiming she was living a single life anyway . I kept the kids but started to struggle when she locked me out of our joint account . I was in shock and not copping . Her parents bought her a new house . I was struggling to keep food on the table and pay the bills when i decided maybe it would be best if the kids lived with there mum who had financial backing of her parents . Thats when the lawyer letters started claiming i was mentally unfit to see my children...anyway long story ive basically lost every thing now with a 20,000 debt and still dont get to see my kids ...the courts dont even seem to care about anything i have to say im constantly agreeingto her demands to at least get a supervised visit or phone call....now im giving up feeling like the system agrees with her and im better off out of the picture ...ive started saying goodbyes to friends and family ...my heart constantly aches for my boys ..ive missed so much already ...sick of crying and cant function...last ditch effort.

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In response to: no choices

seamusunseanSenior Contributor24 Dec 2016, 1:37 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

Sorry darrenhayes..not much left in the tank...nothing changes if nothing changes...

In response to: no choices

Mamma570New Contributor26 Dec 2016, 12:23 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

Hi there. Ive left my husband because of his worsening treatment of me. My husband wouldn't let me go but had no qualms about starting up with other acquaintances. Seemingly I didnt know. He is now engaged to his newest fling. I am a product of dv upbringing & have a lot of baggage too. My older children believe their dad was wronged by me & he professes hi innocence conatantly. I have tried to give up too but realised that id I give up on myself who will be there for my children. So I remain.

In response to: Re: no choices

ZahliaSenior Contributor26 Dec 2016, 12:32 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

Hi @Mamma570

Welcome to the SANE forums, I'm glad you have found us. Wow it soudns like you have been through quite a lot in your relationships.. how do you feel about your ex getting engaged?
It must be so hard when he constantly professes his innocence when you are the one sufferng silently, he doesn't sounds like a good person at all.

Do you have anyone else around you to support you Mamma570?

Zahlia

In response to: Re: no choices

Unknown userMember26 Dec 2016, 12:42 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

Hi @Mamma570
i have very similar circumstances... though my children are still small. and only reason i have to keep going is my kids too. glad you've posted, take care
lj

In response to: no choices

seamusunseanSenior Contributor04 Jan 2017, 9:12 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

Feeling miserable and worthless no matter how i try just cant seem to function just dont seem to care anymore ...laying about waiting for the end.

In response to: Re: no choices

NikNikSenior Contributor05 Jan 2017, 6:12 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

HI @seamusunsean

Sorry to hear you're not travelling so well. There are a few different threads you might find helpful, which discuss motivation (or lack of):

Motivation

Lack of motivation

How to keep motivated

I remember at the end of last year you & I discussed reaching out for assistence to some of the organisations that members recommended. For example:

I would strongly encourage you to reach out to one of those organisations.

These forums are a great place to connect with others - particularly if you're looking to ask the community a specific question or looking to connect socially. Is there anything in particulcar you'd like to ask the community? If you're looking just to chat, there are some social threads you can just drop by and say hi:

Anyone feel like chatting? tea/coffee?

Beer Garden

Hopefully the Forums can become a helpful place for you.

Take care

In response to: no choices

seamusunseanSenior Contributor08 Mar 2017, 7:20 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

No parental rights as far as i know ive stopped reading lawyer letters ....ex told me ok to drop off a book shelf for boys...police came have another avo "stalking"....nobody seems to care im a reject of societies system....no justice ...no choice

In response to: Re: no choices

PheenstarSenior Contributor11 Mar 2017, 6:16 am AEDT

Re: no choices

It's a tough pill to swallow, so far the best advice I have had is from a bloke two doors up from me, good bloke too... he spent 548 000 and hasn't seen his two daughters in 14 years, and still thinks about ending it.,when she left one was 1 and the other wasn't born... rule 1 don't see a lawyer, rule 2 take a step back.. and I mean right back, ..... I leave a hundred down the local bottle every time I ask him something... best 100 every time..if your pickin up the kids, u knock and take a step back, these two things will minimise the trouble, everything else and u asking for it.. blokes have got to know, there got no play... not if it gets nasty, being all delusional and resentful won't get u anywhere.. if you need to cry, cry and then go to work

im still at home, if or when I get the boot, I just go, the house is mine and hers and start transferring cash to keep up the repayments and go find a place to live, no stupid texts, delete ya face book if that's your style and hope she gets sick of looking after the kids so you can have a go... it's not easy to look after the kids all the time. If it gets nasty I mean... If she a raving loonatik say an extra pray for em and another step back.. the first couple of weeks is the most important.. any evidence you think u may have is prob no good, transfer any money direct debit style... and get organised

In response to: no choices

seamusunseanSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 4:55 am AEDT

Re: no choices

Thanks pheenstar practically raised our boys from birth ...stay at home dad...wish id taken this advise from the beginning...unfortunately to little to late...bankrupt..financially. ..emotionally. ..morally. .slipping into the cant back down now phase...men aren't a necessity in the family court system...no voice no choice.

In response to: Re: no choices

PheenstarSenior Contributor18 Mar 2017, 3:14 pm AEDT

Re: no choices

Mate it sounds like your feeling like a big fat zero... but I can tell you it don't take long to go from zero to hero, and you seen how the system works, you ain't gunna get help from anyone, so this is a battle you going to have to do all by yourself... I tell my boy this now too all the time,,,, don't stop to you get to the top, it could a while to your kids see you again in top shape, so you got time to get on top of this, get another job , keep busy, don't waste a cent, but get o. The right path to being the hero, you gotta get strong, you kids will only be responsive to that father figure. Time wise , it is not that long to you get back working hard for it, and you will feel a million dollars if you get there.. You expend your energy, working and doing good, you got nothin left to lay awake at night thinking of bad breaks, the system, etc.... who knows you might want to put yourself out there again for more punishment, but you gotta get strong, once the head is up, you not gunna let it drop cause you seen both sides...head up , confidence will equal better chick... you want to get even, you want to win the war... living good is the only way... you been knocked down by people who want you down, but having a fair dinkum nothin can stop me, I gunna make a come is the easy, only way out of this one, get ready for more set backs along the way, but just don't stop.. you give it your all and zer to hero is 12 months max I reckon

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