Always the darkness

A photo of a grey tabby cat with its paw up on a rain spattered window.Just another test.

@still_bookish Hey Hon My headache didn't lessen for quite some time last night so had to rest. All good today though so have been out and done the shopping. Still need one more thing as the supermarket didn't have it - but will go to one close to work tomorrow for that 👍 Also went to Spotlight and there was nearly nothing there. Apparently they are moving so have a 50% off sale - but 50% off nothing is still nothing lol Who does that just before christmas - seems strange to me I was going to get a christmas present for my Mum but now have to do some more googling and see what I can find elsewhere - frustrating!!!

Maybe if Edie could travel with you then you may feel a little less anxious leaving the house. I take Toby everywhere and at the height of my anxiety he really helped me get out of the house. As long as I had him by my sie I could cope a lot better. Cats are different though - I could never have taken Cat with me - she hated the car ....but Clover has been for many trips with us and copes well. I do need to get her a bigger carry case though - she has outgrown the small one I got for her when she was a kitten (still a kitten really but she is nearly one so more a kitten/adult now). She is still little though - it was funny seeing her next to my sister's cat yesterday - he is 4 months older and about a third of the size bigger - and he is small. When I picked Clover up she was with 2 of her brothers and was half the size of them so very much the runt of the litter - she will not grow much more so is going to be a tiny little fluffball ..still thinks she is a giant and can take on Tobes though LOL

I don't think you realise how much I love having you back here Hon - it really has lightened my life

Hi @Zoe7. Sorry to hear your headache lingered last night, but pleased you’re feeling better today. I hope you can find something else for your mum. It does seem a very strange time to be moving a store.

I, too, had the issue today of supermarkets not having things I needed. So frustrating. It means I’ll have to go out again later in the week. (But hopefully still a week or so before the mask requirements are lifted, so I have some time … just really didn’t want to have to go out again.)

I had to go out twice this morning—unfortunately the chemist and other shops aren’t open at 6am—and I’ve just managed to finally sit down now. *sigh* I got stuck talking to the neighbours on my way in. I know how terrible that sounds. They are lovely but I find it so overwhelming (the masking/trying to present as functional, not to mention the whole covid thing). Anyway, it was okay. The man who lives in the unit behind mine is in his 80s. He was wearing a mask, thankfully. (My biggest fear during the pandemic has been making other people sick. Even though I rarely leave the house and am not sick at all, my brain latched on to that intrusive thought and hasn’t let up at all.) The neighbour from next door is in her 70s and wasn’t wearing a mask. That made me uneasy. She came over to ask if she could decorate our letterboxes. Christmas is such a huge trigger for me, but of course I said yes, because I can’t see my letterbox from inside the house and I knew it would make her happy. I wish ‘peopling’ wasn’t so hard and exhausting.

The neighbour from next door had her cat with her, in a cat stroller. That’s something I’ve often thought about buying for Astrid. She doesn’t like the car, but maybe she’d like going for a walk and seeing a bit more of the world. I think you’re right in that I’d probably feel more able to leave the house if I could take Astrid with me.

Now that you’ve got your shopping out of the way (well, most of it) what are your plans for the rest of the day? Is the sun shining there? Do you think you’ll get out into the garden? By the way, any time you feel like gardening you are more than welcome to come and tackle mine. I love looking out into a green back garden, but there is so much work to do (big front and back gardens) and it is too much for me. I have a gardener but he doesn’t seem to do a whole lot of gardening. And of course, if the garden is untidy, I risk losing my tenancy so it means I have to do it.

Not sure I’m making much sense. Not a whole lot of horizontal rest (my poor version of sleep) has been had in the last two nights. Wishing you a relaxing afternoon and evening. 💚

Random comment on the whole ‘darkness’ thing: Even though I spend my life constantly fighting the darkness without any respite (and probably seem quite negative or pessimistic as a result), I do still try to find moments of light where I can.

Today’s little bit of goodness was watching the silvereyes who are nesting in the daisy bush outside my kitchen window. The way the mummy-bird and daddy-bird tag team is so gorgeous—sharing the parenting load even before the eggs have hatched. The nest is tiny so one in, one out.

By the way, I took these photos with a zoom lens through my kitchen window. I wouldn’t dream of disturbing my lovely bird friends.

If you’re reading this and you had a moment of goodness today, I’d love to hear about it if you feel like sharing. 🌷

A photo of a silvereye, perched on a branch in a daisy bush. A blurry nest is visible in the background.

A photo of a silvereye sitting in a nest in a daisy bush. Its beak is open.

Hey @still_bookish I ended up mowing the lawn then my headache came back so I rested for the remainder of the day. Been back to the supermarket this evening, fed the fur babies and going to get dinner organised soon before more rest this evening (and hopefully an early night).

Your neighbours all sound lovely but I get the 'peopling' thing I too tend to stick to myself and limit interactions as much as I can - but I am happy doing that ...more time with my fur babies 👍

I can see you and Edie walking along together with her in a stroller I have thought of the same for Clover (or a cat backpack) but that would mean I had to get out and walk and that just will not happen lol In saying that though - I am looking forward to some beach visits with Toby in the holidays - he loves the beach and it has been sometime since I have taken him (yes I am a bad Mum ).

I would happily tackle your garden - it is something I do quite enjoy. Going to get stuck into my neighbour's this weekend (if it doesn't rain). We used to do it together but now he is gone I want to continue to do it for him. We used to always laugh about his overgrown yard as he was a groundsmen at a school but did nothing to his. I do miss him a lot - not the same now I do not see him everyday

Enough of that - will just get sad again. Going to get dinner and will try to check in again later. Hugs and hugs my beautiful friend

@Zoe7, you are definitely not a bad mum. Toby is so loved and well cared for. (Clover, too. And Cat certainly was.) Toby is going to love his beach visits even more for not having been in a while. It will be extra special for you both.

Thank you for saying you’d help in my garden. You're a star. I love that you do your neighbour’s garden. I’m sorry thinking about him made you sad and that you don’t get to do it with him anymore. 😢

I hope you’re feeling better today and that work wasn’t too stressful. 💚

Thinking of you, @Zoe7. I hope the week is being kind to you and Toby and Clover. Just leaving these here for you. 💚🌷

A photo of a bunch of native flowers, including eucalyptus leaves, wattle, leucospermum and proteas, bound with jute ribbon.

Hi @still_bookish It has been a very full on and tiring week. I am still not doing very well but can see slow improvements - the hectic week has not helped. Our classroom will be out of action for sometime yet - not expected to be able to go back in until early in the new year - so that has added an extra level of stress for all of us. It is not ideal but we cannot change it.

Toby and Clover are well - still little loveballs of fluff and so cute together. I still have not found the sink plugs from the bathroom - Clover has hidden them well lol

Thank you for the flowers - they are just beautiful Hon

I hope you’re okay, @Zoe7. I saw your post in the Worry Room, but really can’t handle reading other threads right now. I’m sorry. I just wanted to check in briefly so you don’t think I’ve completely abandoned you. I’m struggling. I’ll be fine, but everything (particularly my brain) is a lot. I also had my booster shot on Friday, and in addition to all the trauma caused by simply trying to access an appointment, it has knocked me around a lot physically. (That said, if you need to talk, just tag me and I’ll do my best to be here for you.) Sending you loads of love and wishing you every good thing because you deserve nothing less. 💚

Also sending love and good thoughts to anyone else who is reading. It’s a particularly rubbish time of year and the world is an utter mess. Keep hanging in there if you can. We’ve got this. 💚

Hey @still_bookish I am not okay but have reached out for help. I understand the struggling part Hon - I am finding it hard being here (or anywhere) so please forgive me if I am too absent - just can't deal with so much right now. Hugs and hugs and hugs to you