still_bookishSenior Contributor
Always the darkness
Things must be bad. I’ve come back to this place that I left because it felt unsafe before, but where I had some very good friends who I cared about so much (and still do). Maybe it will be a short-lived experiment. Maybe I’ll have been completely forgotten anyway. To be honest, it feels like a bad idea. I know there are people here who have caused me harm. And I know some of the people I cared for deeply are no longer here. But some are still here and I’m sure there are loads of lovely new (to me) folk, too. I’m trying to be brave. I’m struggling and isolated and I know that having people to talk to who get it can really help. I know this can be a great place for connection.
A little about me: I’m bookish (still). My pronouns are she/her. I’m 42 years old. I’m human to an awesome 11-year-old rescue cat who is my whole world (I call her Edie on here). I’m more isolated and terrified than I have ever been. I’m a writer, a reader and an introvert. I’m queer. I’m disabled (and tired of fighting for access in an inaccessible world). I’d be lost without my iPod. I have more diagnoses than you can poke a stick at, but really it all comes back to complex trauma.
I’m posting this in ‘Something’s not right’ because: a) I’m the something; b) quite honestly, every day is a bad day for me; and c) maybe this is where I’ll live now. I’m not a ray of sunshine or glass-half-full but I’m kind, and I'm still breathing (albeit poorly) and that’s something, I guess.
But anyway, even without the nest and ocean dwellers, I’m here, getting my brave on and hoping to cross paths with some other dear old friends. *takes a deep breath* Let’s see how this goes.
Thanks for reading. 🌷
