A safe place to express myself

Hi @Sandy-66

Yes, let's stay in touch. That would be great. And if ever you want to talk you can "tag" me. You just type the @ symbol and a little box will come up and you type my username.

Insomnia has been a problem for me, on and off, for years. My latest stretch of insomnia started around late September/early October last year. It's my anxiety and trauma symptoms that keep me awake. Most of the time I only get a few hours sleep. Sometimes I don't sleep at all.

I think it's happening because I'm very unhappy where I'm living and it's taking me back to my childhood experience of home, which was very negative. I also think this is why my anxiety and trauma symptoms are so bad lately.

Hi @Sandy-66

If you tap on your username it will take you to your SANE user profile. Then scroll down and you will see your posts.

Hi @outlander

Thank you very much ❤

I fell asleep some time after 8 o'clock this morning and woke up in a horrible state of anxiety that was breathtaking (in a bad way). I want to make banana and blueberry muffins today. I'm going to use coconut sugar instead of cane sugar.

I made avocado and basil pesto dip. It was so yummy. It is a variation of my basil pesto recipe.

Here is the recipe...

2 ripe Hass avocados

Juice of 1/2 a lemon

1/4 tsp Herbamare organic seasoning salt

2 tbsp good quality olive oil

2 tbsp water

1 sachet Gourmet Garden semi dried basil leaves

1 clove garlic, finely chopped

50g Parmigiano Reggiano cheese, grated

50g raw cashews, chopped

Chop the cashews (I have tried chopping them with a food processor but it never chops them evenly).

Put the lemon juice, seasoning salt, olive oil and water in a bowl. Add the avocados and mash with a potato masher.

Add the rest of the ingredients and stir well with a spatula.

You can make it vegan by omitting the cheese and using 100g of cashews.

@Arizona

MY TOPIC LINE WAS STIGMA IN MENTAL HEALTH

thanks for that help because I found it but I obviously didn't save it or post it anywhere. I can't believe I lost everything I wrote about it was something really important not only for me but to assist others and make changes necessary around stigma in mental health which has been a horrific experience since diagnosis over a decade ago and I truly believed that it's improving but was recently very disappointed whilst in ED for 48 hrs for my mental health that I experienced the exact disgusting treatment like past experiences from a RN that treated me so disrespectfully and even to the point of negligence. What he said to me was evident he had already judged me on what he saw and read on system notes and knew nothing else about why I was even in hospital. I won't even repeat what he said because you can imagine. I'm not the best at being assertive or standing up for myself, that's a lifetime of no confidence and avoiding conflict at any costs even when it directly affects me and my mental health.

The thing I wanted to really emphasis and encourage others that I put up with stigma for many years but when they totally let me down and stopped services a couple of years ago at the most crucial time in my life I was lost with what to do. So I wrote a long letter from the beginning of my journey in the public system, giving every detail up until that day and I wanted to be heard and with my own idea I researched who could I give this to, to read and make a difference and I went down the path of advocacy in mental health and emailed my story to two organisations and within 2 hrs they both replied and couldn't believe what they had read and they both were so effective in getting things in place immediately and looking at this problem. It was very liberating to be heard by people that can make sense and change. I didn't even know about advocating for myself and a lot of people wouldn't know the process either.

so I made a decision a couple of days ago to advocate for myself once again and deal with what happened in ED. So I've started the process and I was even advised that the negligence concern for one could be taken to APRAH let alone the attitude and treatment.
They asked me what outcome I'm looking for and I said it's not that, I don't want him to go to the board but I'm asking for a face to face apology and requesting that he gets further education around mental health issues and gains more insight to his behaviours.

its not just for myself that I decided to carry this out, it's more about the awareness that there are people still working in the wrong field if they have this attitude especially when there is huge mental health turnover through ED and how many others just accept this behaviour. If I can make a difference for another mental health client in the future by identifying these individuals and stigma behaviours that are in no way acceptable under any circumstances.

That's why I'm excited about lived experience peer support because people can get the knowledge what's acceptable and if it doesn't feel right have the skills and rescources to also be part of change for themselves and in the future.

Now I realised I've just shared with you by replying so it's not really a discussion is it??

because others might not read it. Sorry I get confused. Can I actually post this somehow??

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@Arizona wrote:

Hi @Sandy-66

If you tap on your username it will take you to your SANE user profile. Then scroll down and you will see your posts.

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Hi @Sandy-66

I'm so sorry that you lost your post. How annoying!

You can copy and paste what you just wrote into a new post (and re-write it how you like).

You could post it in the Looking After Ourselves section or the Our Stories section of the forums (if there is a better place to post it anyone is welcome to say).

Good on you for standing up for yourself. I have had many disgusting experiences with mental health services and stigmatizing attitudes from people and I know exactly what you mean.

It would be good if we could have a Topic Tuesday talk about stigma as well. They have talks here once a month (I think) called Topic Tuesday where special guests come to speak.

Hi @Sandy-66

I just wanted to add...

I'm so happy for you that you stood up for yourself! I nearly cried reading that because I know exactly what it is like.

I just read your recent post today about your sleep issues and identifying that past trauma has had a major impact. This is so my journey right now and for the past few months I'm surviving on around 2 hrs and then it's a constant battle and the nights are so long it is doing my head in majorly and effecting my mental health. I have been struggling to find reasons for it, being physically issues, insomnia etc but the significant feature is that at the same time sleep became an issue was when I commenced trauma therapy, looking back to the beginning where my trauma began and how it shaped me in the negative pain and outcomes I put myself through. I never, until now at 55 have gone to these places and events that I had chosen to repress for a lifetime and it's been really overwhelming and difficult bringing up so many different feelings let alone experiences that you'd completely forgotten. It was how I coped, and always have, it just seemed easier and less painful. Now I'm questioning to even continue cause it's had such an impact on me physically and emotionally but it's been advised by many and made clear to me that it's essential for my healing.

I suppose my biggest fear is that if it's this process that has impacted my sleep so dysfunctionally do I want to continue by the possibility of making it either worse or dragging it out to long before I break.

so I totally identify and understand, everyone keeps telling me as long as you're resting in bed and getting even a couple of hours that's ok but until you experience it personally it's not their experience.

Hi @Sandy-66

Insomnia for me is definitely a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Have you heard of a book called The Body Keeps the Score? It's available as an audio book. Do you have Audible?

It was written by a world leading psychiatrist and pioneer in the field of trauma. His name is Bessel Van Der Kolk.

He talks about abuse in an in-depth way but he is very compassionate and I didn't find it difficult to listen to or triggering at all.

Before I listened to this audio book I had given up on the mental health profession. I honestly felt like I had been born into the wrong time. This psychiatrist Bessel Van Der Kolk made me feel safe and validated and heard and he gave me hope. I'm even thinking of writing to him and thanking him.

Listening to the audio book also made me feel less alone, knowing that there are other people in the world like me.

I listen to audio books at night before I go to sleep. You could listen to The Body Keeps the Score at night. I'm sure you would find it comforting and it might help you sleep.

@Sandy-66

I have just realised something... Your post would have been saved as a draft. Tap on your username and go to your profile page. Then scroll right down to DRAFTS. It should be there.