New at this

Welcome to the Forums @ToothlessT 🙂

I'm periwinklepixie, one of SANE's Peer Support Workers and Moderators.

For someone who is new to sharing their story, you certainly paint a picture of your resillience and hard work to overcome your substance use.

I know at times I have felt like nothing is working but then suddenly something clicks. I hope the Forums might help you find some inspiration.

Just a tip for navigating the Forums, if you scroll to the bottom of the Lived Experience Forum Homepage you'll be able to see a cloud of tags you can click on. There you might find some good topics to get you started on your journey with the Forums. I say this because I often find hearing people's stories helps give me hope and feel stronger.

Take care,
- perinwinklepixie

Hey @ToothlessT

Funnily enough, i know what married with 3 kids is like, and i know what being married with 3 kids and being stuck in your own head can look like if you can't get it under control...

What are you actually feeling mate? Depression and anxiety are labels.. what are you feeling? Disconnected, lonely, misunderstood... Help me out with what it is that you are feeling day to day?

10 or 11 seems to indicate childhood mate.. What was being a kid like at your house?

@ToothlessT welcome to the forums. I hope your time here will be full of kindness and caring. Love greenpea

Hey @Bunniekins and @Former-Member. Thank you.

Hey @AussieRecharger , feelings. --- hopeless , helpless, sick and tired of being sickand tired (cliche but a good one). Not so much misunderstood more like unable to clearly communicate what I am feeling so that I can be understood (if that makes sense).

Childhood, in a word, hectic. Second youngest of 5 kids, 3 out of my 4 siblings have alcohol and/or substance problems and are problem gamblers. Some sort of abuse occured at a young age which I am vaguely aware of but haven't pushed too far into it. I have few clear memories of childhood.

Hi @ToothlessT you have lots of self awareness and are obviously willing to do the hard yards. So I congratulate you on taking these further steps with all of us at SANE. I hope you get lots of useful inspiration from the folks here. This is the start of your brand new life! Just keep asking the difficult questions and holding the intention to heal in your heart

Hi @ToothlessT ,

It can be really tough to recognise and share those feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, I admire your self awareness and vulnerability. I'm wondering whether those feelings are impacting you right now? And how you are managing those feelings day to day?

from cloudcore

@ToothlessT

What does the word vulnerable mean to you? Are the feelings of being sick and tired due to fighting being vulnerable to your feelings regarding your past?

Hey @cloudcore @Former-Member Thanks guys.

Hey @AussieRecharger. Vulnerable; I guess I see it as unsafe or needing to be protected. So I rarely revisit those times when I was/am vulnerable. Any sign of weakness or vulnerability is seized upon by my brothers as something to exploit. Always has been. I get it that they are pretty damaged people themselves so I try not to hold it against them too much - they are/were plenty of good times too.

My wife says I live and think too much in my past.

Hey @cloudcore . As to dealing with these feelings day to day, I work a lot and just do my best to get through each day. I try to be as involved with my kids as I can, i.e. I do dinner time, bath time and bed time every day. Once they're in bed I either play some guitar and sing(I'm a terrible singer!) and/or watch TV with my wife, read a book or play computer games.

Hey @ToothlessT there are amazing stories of people overcoming addiction. Russell Brand used to be an addict and is doing incredible stuff with his life. He is an example of a strong male who is open about his vulnerabilities but does not attract exploitedness for some reason. As a male its hard walking along that narrow line but he does it with finesse.