My day

Thank you @LostAngel 😊

I did two 10 minute meditations and a 15 minute meditation and I still can't sleep. My body is hot, my throat is sore and my anxiety is bad (I can feel my heart beating in my chest).

I also feel sad and full of despair.

I think I will send an email to my therapist.

I didn't sleep at all last night. I have been listening to my audio book The Body Keeps the Score. For me it is reassuring to know that there is someone in the world (a leading psychiatrist and pioneer in the area of trauma) who understands me. It makes me feel that I'm not alone and it gives me hope that I can get better. Ideally I would like to have therapy with someone like this but I don't have the money.

I have decided to make a new recipe for chocolate vegan balls. I'm going to use Medjool dates, raw cashews, raisins, almond butter and raw cacao powder.

The old recipe had coconut oil but I want to try it with almond butter. I think it will be so yummy.

I will make them later tonight.

I'm sorry you didn't sleep @Arizona That's really hard. You are using some excellent self care things - I love rain sounds and tea too.

Yum to the choc vegan balls! Let me know how it turns out. I'm going to do a 3 ingredient slice later - dates, peanut butter and oats. It's a new one for me - experiment.

I'm depressed and tired and I don't have the energy to cook dinner. I'm not eating properly or looking after myself again. I would cry if I had the energy. I wanted to go to the supermarket but it's cold and raining and windy. I wanted to eat healthy food today.

F*** it, I will just go to the supermarket even though it's so f***ing cold. Sorry, I need to swear to get through this.

I went to the supermarket. They didn't have half the things I wanted but at least I got salad vegetables and bananas and blueberries. And I bought myself a choc mint vegan ball. I'm going to make a salad dressing then decide what to make for dinner.

I made tuna, corn and potato fish cakes. I'm proud of myself for making dinner but I don't think I'll make them again. They take too long to make, they are messy, they are oily and they don't have enough protein in them.

I went to the supermarket and did some shopping.

I made fish cakes for dinner.

I took my vitamins and antidepressants.

I put a treatment in my hair.

I had a shower.

I cleaned my teeth.

I will do a 10 minute breathing exercise and then I will do a 10 minute semi guided meditation. And then I will listen to my audio book The Body Keeps the Score.

I slept from 4am until 12pm, which I'm really happy about even though it's at the wrong time of day.

I spoke with my therapist but I was very tired and I couldn't think properly so I didn't really get to talk about anything. But I opened a letter from my housing agency while I was on the phone with her and this was really helpful because opening/reading the letter didn't trigger me.

The housing agency has increased my rent and this is a pain in the *ss because I have to dispute it.

Now I just have to look after myself for the rest of the day.

I have to go to Coles tonight because they didn't have what I wanted last night at Woolworths.