RU OK? day 2021

i actually hate this day. its a day where people pretend to care by asking if your ok when any other day of the week they say nothing, or where you feel how truly lonely you are when noone actually asks you.

im not ok.

@Owen45 While I agree its preferable to be honest with how we are, I also know it's a very difficult thing to do .. to admit to our vulnerability. I too automatically respond to questions of how I am with "Yeah I'm fine thanks". Even when my psychologist asks me how I've been doing, I answer with "okay". When in fact, I have been a long way from being okay. Why is it an automatic response to reassure others that you're okay I wonder? Not wanting to worry loved ones perhaps? Not wanting to admit even to ourselves that we really are NOT okay? Not wanting to be seen as weak in some way? I dont know, but I think there are likely many reasons why we do this. But ultimately, we are hurting ourselves by keeping it to ourself. We really need to learn how to reach out for help, and just as importantly ... to be able to accept help when it is offered.

@Jeannie1 Hello and welcome to the Sane forums, as I notice that you are a new member as of today. I hope you receive information and support from fellow members here, as and when you need it. See above response to another member, but it equally applies as a response to your post as well. Not sure how to answer your question about finding the courage to be completely honest about how we are. I think its probably different for each of us.

@bluee I see that you are a new member here, so want to extend a warm welcome to you to the Sane Forums. I hope you find them as helpful and supportive as I have done over the years. I am deeply sorry for all that you are currently going through. It must be incredibly difficult being in a foreign country and without family support. It is natural to want to go home to family, and its a very normal reaction in not wanting to let your family down. It sounds like you consider yourself a failure. I do not see that at all, in fact quite the opposite. Despite the numerous difficulties you have endured, you are still here and still achieving. This lockdown will not last forever, and it does sound as though it has had a profound effect on your mental health. Give yourself some time. Allow life here in Australia to get back to some form of normality. From your post it looks like you have been here 2 years, and with 18 months of that time affected by COVID, it is too early to make major decisions about your future just yet. I would suggest you wait until lockdown has eased, life gets near normal again and then reassess what you want and need to do. That highly positive, happy and motivated person within you is still there ... just gone into temporary hibernation. She will shine through again ... you will be YOU again. In the meantime, please follow the advice that @cloudcore has given in the email sent to you. You need to ensure your immediate safety.

Emelia 🌸

I hear you @Bow 👂💔

hello Im honestly not ok but am safe if that makes sense,just so much feelings of frustions and feeling limited to resolve those frustrations,going to do some self care

Me too @Bow . I think it's a load of bullsh*t.

Sorry, I forgot to quote.

I'm not sure if I'm okay or not. In one way I haven't been okay for a very long time, not since early childhood. No one has ever asked me if I'm okay, not even my parents. In another, I'm okay with who I am and it has taken me all my life to get there.

Hi all!

---

@Jeannie1 wrote:

So does anyone else find that they are not ok, but don't know how to tell people? whenever someone asks me if I'm ok, I say yes, or I'm ok, but actually I really want to tell them I'm not ok - just can't make the words come out.. How do you find the courage to be honest about this?

---

Yes, very relatable.

In my case, I struggle with the inevitable parts of the discussion that you just know will deeply offend the people you are talking to and make them shut down. There are no manuals that I know of on how to handle this.

So why bother going down a road that's just going to end in long-term coldness and no progress? That's my dilemma.

Hey all,

I'm glad this thread exists. Whilst I'm all for raising awareness around mental health, this day can serve as a reminder of the other 364 days a year when it can sometimes be really, really hard to find the support we need. I'm glad there's an opportunity to talk about it together

@bluee I hope you're travelling okay, just wanted to check in.

Also, in case folks missed it we did have an Online Peer Group chat revolving around opening up about our mental health - you can read through the transcript here (and you can find the rest of the transcripts about 2/3 of the way down this page).

You don’t want to hear this and I don’t want to admit it but really I am not ok. While from the outside it looks like I am fine as I am married and I have adult children, I am not happy. If it wasn’t for Tendercare I would have no quality of life at all. I feel like instead of living I am just existing. I get out of bed in the morning and just pass time until I can go to sleep again. Often I sleep during the day just to pass the time. I have difficulty finding any moments of joy or happiness. The last time I felt a little bit of happiness was when we went for a drive in the country on the 4th August. That feels like a million years ago. Maybe I want too much or maybe my expectations are unrealistic but my life doesn’t feel very satisfying. I want to have friends to spend my time with. I want to get out of the house and do things. I want to be more fulfilled. I wish I could study but with my husband not working that is not even a possibility. Due to my husbands’ diabetes and problems arising from it we have not been intimate for several years. It is not his fault but it’s just one more thing to be unhappy about. I have a lot on my mind at the moment with all the trauma therapy stuff. I am hopeful that therapy will resolve some of that. It’s really hard to find reasons to keep on getting out of bed every day. Everyday melds into the next and none of them stands out as being any better than the last. I am hopeful that if I hold on long enough and keep on going that things will eventually improve but I don’t really see how right now. I feel like I am drowning...

I wanted to spend more time here earlier when I made my previous post, but I had to leave and so I just rattled off a quickie.

I feel like I have so much to say, but that in and of itself is a problem because I tend to make bloated posts that choke up other peoples' threads and I don't want to do that again today.

To answer the question at hand - No. I am not okay. I haven't been okay for decades now, and before that, I was only coasting on a delusion of hope that made me believe I would be okay, when in fact it was not to be.

That won't come as a surprise to some users on here who have probably noticed me expressing "worrying" attitudes recently; things I normally keep to myself. I've been wound up recently for a lot of reasons. Coronavirus, surprisingly, isn't one of them.

This is a bad year; a real bad milestone. And there have been a lot of other things going on that have got me confused and wound up. Reminders of how bad things are, how bleak the future looks, and teases of hope that seem to wax and wane with whatever ambiguous jargon the beaurocrat of the day seems to be dishing out.

I don't know my place and I hate not knowing my place. Am I just some insignificant egotistical little loudmouth who just annoys people and spoils things by making a fuss? Should I just shut up? Or do I posess essential insight that needs to be heard? I like to feel like I speak for many who don't seem to have a voice. But if I am just one of many, why have I always been so alone? Why does maintaining a warm atmosphere seem to hinge upon me holding my tongue?

How does a individual - with their own personal biases - determine whether they are being an entitled snob, or just fighting for a fair deal? I wish I could tell the differance so I could go to sleep knowing I'm one of the good guys.

Sorry. I guess this all seems disjointed and nonsensical without context. I could provide that, but as I said, I don't want to rabbit on and be a bore.

I just have a lot on my plate, that's all. A lot to worry about. And nothing good. And no hope on the horizon, either.

So: no, I am not okay.