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I'm in a really bad way

ArizonaSenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 12:09 am AEST

I'm in a really bad way

I'm in a really bad way. I'm not looking after myself at all. I have been online too much and it has affected my mental health in a negative way. I didn't see it coming. I wish I had paid attention to the signs. I have been in bed all day and I'm not eating or showering or cleaning my teeth. I have been drinking some water but not enough. And I haven't fed my Pug today. I will do that now. I don't understand why I let myself get this bad. I have never been this bad before. I think I must be blaming myself for something. I think I'm being extremely hard on myself like I'm punishing myself. I don't even know how to explain how I feel but I'm a mess. I wish I could be more loving towards myself. I wish I could look after myself. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense and I'm finding it hard to write. I'm not having any suicidal thoughts; I'm just severely depressed. I'm going to feed my Pug now and then I will have a shower.

I have just realised something. I think I have let myself get like this because I haven't been wanting to face my problems. I think I have been running away from them by going online too much. It has all been too hard to face. I think I'm struggling with the changes in my life and I think I'm afraid of the future.

21 replies

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In response to: I'm in a really bad way

ArizonaSenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 2:57 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

Thank you @Owen45 and @Dimity for your comments ❤

In response to: Re: I'm in a really bad way

AppleblossomSenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 3:15 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

I went through a long time of talking out loud to reduce the internal pressure or whatever it was, when I was going through Big distress or agitation.

I talk to birds and plants and insects too, but somehow mostly these days I am not out of control with it and can get away with it.

Apple

@Arizona

In response to: I'm in a really bad way

ArizonaSenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 3:16 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

I just saw this in my YouTube feed and I cracked up laughing 😂

https://youtu.be/opBm4_k0Fg8

In response to: Re: I'm in a really bad way

AppleblossomSenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 3:25 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

Its gorgeous @Arizona

In response to: Re: I'm in a really bad way

DimitySenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 3:39 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

@Arizona I just shopped and bought an avocado and a lime, I have some smooth ricotta and will try to make a dip. I forgot the spring onions.

I say hello to the magpies when I see them on the nature strip, they let me pass and don't fly away.

Greetings @Appleblossom

Dimity

In response to: Re: I'm in a really bad way

Owen45Senior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 7:25 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

Thanks for sharing, Arizona. I can identify, you are not alone. I am in a bad way too, but just got to keep my head above water day by way. Regards, Owen.

In response to: Re: I'm in a really bad way

BPDSurvivorSenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 10:41 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

Hi @Arizona ,

Just to let you know, you are not alone 😉

Its impressive you were able to articulate your struggles, set goals, and achieve them!

Well done! Hats off to you!

BPDSurvivor

In response to: I'm in a really bad way

jem80Senior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 10:43 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

@Arizona

Good on you for taking you pug for a walk, opening the windows for fresh air, it can get really stuffy when you're inside all day. You made a meal, well done. Keep up with ticking things off on your list

In response to: Re: I'm in a really bad way

ArizonaSenior Contributor02 Sept 2021, 11:03 pm AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

Thank you for your support @BPDSurvivor and @jem80 ❤

In response to: I'm in a really bad way

ArizonaSenior Contributor03 Sept 2021, 11:46 am AEST

Re: I'm in a really bad way

My goals for the day are:

Make avocado on wholemeal spelt toast for lunch.

Have an apple for afternoon tea.

Make chilli beef (I didn't make it yesterday).

Don't eat any snacks. I ate too many yesterday (that's why I didn't make the chilli beef).

Drink water

Have a shower and wash my hair.

Clean my teeth.

Take my vitamins and antidepressants.

Take my Pug for a walk if it stops raining (I will check the weather forecast).

Bring the recycling bin in.

Do my affirmation in the mirror.

Fill out the form for my therapist.

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