Hello @RedHorse and @Dimity
Since reading back over the posts, I have realised that I have attended over 20 discussions with the counsellor with whom I have been speaking since May last year. On another thread, I read a member's statement that their appointment today had involved some "triggering" details. While I was talking with the counsellor today, the thought came to mind that the process, in counselling discussions, is like peeling the layers from an onion. Later, during the discussion I became somewhat distressed. When I had recovered, I commented that "Peeling onions can make you cry".
Sometimes, the content of the discussions, particularly with regard to certain memories and recollections, can be really distressing. After giving me some time to recover, the counsellor commented that the distress can represent a doorway that we can choose to go through or not. But everything occurs at a time that is appropriate for us.
@RedHorse, I think that there are reasons for the patterns of behaviour that we exhibit and according to which we act in our adult lives. That includes procrastination, which is also a concern for me. Sometimes, I think that the evident reluctance to undertake an activity, even when we know that attention to and completion of that activity will be beneficial for us, can be caused by retained fears. These fears can have arisen out of such situations as always being told that we have done things incorrectly as a child, or even being told directly that we are "no good". Those reactions, during childhood, of fearing to do anything because it was likely to have been assessed as unsatisfactory, or the belief that whatever we do will be "no good", can have long lasting effects. Those reactions and beliefs can and do carry into adulthood, as false self-beliefs, that can affect nearly everything that we attempt to accomplish. But the reasons for those fears and beliefs may no longer exist. It is the memories and recollections that are held in our minds that continue to produce the same patterns of reaction and behaviour that occurred in our childhood, when those behaviours were first generated by certain stimuli or treatment.
I am writing this, as usual with 3 fingers pointing back to me. Writing these notes here is a way of reviewing and reinforcing {learning} the reasons that I need to change, not simply my behaviour, but the thinking that produces that behaviour. If I can change those patterns of thinking, I am likely to change my behaviour in ways that are likely to be very beneficial for me in my life. I really hope that these ideas may be helpful for you and others.
Again, I express my appreciation for the attention you have given to the posts in this and various other threads and the acknowledgements that you have offered by supports given. Thank you.
With Best Wishes
@HenryX
