Self-harm

Hi @kattytee, yes indeed you are welcome to talk about self-harm here in the forums. We don't allow people to talk about specific methods though as that can be difficult for other members. But talking about the urge, about how you try to manage it, the thoughts and feelings, that's all good.

If you do a quick search for self-harm threads you'll see it's been discussed here before and there might be something in those conversations that helps. But you are also very welcome to start a new conversation here.

Is there a particular aspect of SH you'd find it useful to talk about?

@Former-Member, thank you so much for your reply. It means a lot to me. I must be searching wrong as I couldn't find anything clear, I'm sure that's my fault though! My post is about what to do after you've self-harmed and have to deal with that in the real world.

Hmm I'm not being very clear. Let me explain my situation.. When I feel desperately bad I self-harm. I've been well since May but last week I gave in to the compunction and it did help calm me at the time (maladaptive, I know.)

What my problem now though is how to explain this to my world. I've managed to get away with long sleeved tops at work all week but will at some stage have to reveal healing marks, and I'm sure people will ask (kindly) about them. How do others deal with these explanations?? And if you feel embarrassment and remorse about it like I do, how do you cope with that?

(Sorry if this is covering old ground!)

I can't remember that being discussed @kattytee and I'd be really interested to hear from anyone dealing with this situation. It's certainly something that worries people. I've had many conversations in the Help Centre and with clients about it. Some have reached such a place of self-acceptance that they wear their scars and healing wounds openly. But I think they're in the minority. Most do their best to cover them, particulary in the workplace.

It's great, and courageous, that you're preparing yourself to reveal the wounds. You must work with a great team to feel so confident in their kindness. That's a great start. Have you had to deal with these conversations in the past? How have they tended to work out?

Hi @kattytee@Former-Member

I self harmed on Monday. I always seem to sh when i am alone at home. I was thinking about my parents and how hurtful they have been to me. i was feeling pretty angry with them but then i wanted to feel the pain, i wanted to take revenge on them.

I won't go into detail about the sh but it gave me some relief for a while. looking at my scars i feel angry, and then i feel guilty for sh in the first place. but that is not how i feel at the time.

you would think that by looking at the scars i wouldn't do it again - but i have. maybe in a way it's my way of getting back at my parents (in my head); i;m not really sure.

i would be scared to show my family, friends or co-workers for fear of being judged, talked about and not believed as to the reasons and I don't want to be seen as attention seeking.

Hi @kattytee,

i have a just a couple of scars on my wrist but they are not too bad. My other scars are well hidden and I don't need to worry so much about them. I have seen that you can get some really beautiful tattoos to cover the scars as a long term solution if you thought that was a better option. I recently saw an article of a tattoo artist in Sydney giving free tattoos to help with self esteem with people who are badly scared. I am not in the workforce to know how to discuss it but I guess honesty is maybe the best policy. Maybe along the lines of I found myself in a really difficult place and tried this a few times which helped at the time, I've moved on but still have these old scars. I would hope that you'll get empathy but if they don't understand that's not your problem but theirs to seek understanding if they want to. Good luck. 💜😊

Hi kattytee, I have some scars from years ago when I self harmed. If anyone asks I just either say "it's private sorry", or "I went through a really rough time and don't like to talk about it". I only tell people what I am comfortable with, if you're not comfortable telling someone it's okay to say "that's private".

Hi @kattytee, I think @Alone s advice is really good too.💜😊

@BlueBay I’m sorry to hear you are also in a similar SH position to me, I hope you’ve found relief for now. The reason I return time and time again to SH is because it really does soothe me. Not the best way though. I feel a bit reassured that you mentioned the attention seeking too – it’s a real concern for me.

@Former-Member I have some old scars on my wrists too but now that they’re white they don’t bother me so much. In some ways I even like them because they remind me of what I’ve overcome in the past.

@Alone That is super practical advice! I sometimes just can’t help from telling everyone about myself – will have to practice restraint. You’re absolutely right, it isn’t anyone’s business but mine really!

@Ayesha Maybe the reason people haven’t asked you is because they’re scared and uncomfortable about it. They may still care about you but just not know how to broach the subject?