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Something’s not right

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There's been a lot going on in in my head this week. I don't know what I want anymore, if anything. I feel guilty being on the forums, i think because while I don't feel like I'm fixable I still want connections and support. But maybe that's selfish of me. And as it would appear, is not the purpose of the forums. I know I can look too far into things, paranoia/poopy brain issues do that. But I've been feeling like i shouldn't be here on the forums anymore. And i can't tell if it's in my head or not. I know I break a lot of guidelines here and i guess that just goes hand in hand with the things i need to talk about. Which makes it difficult.

I feel like I'm at a point where there's not a lot i can do to help or change things. I don't mean to get on here and post useless things like this. But i guess it's a coping method. Like journaling but with validation.

very fu*king depressed but I don't feel hopeful of change. I don't have a desire to do anything to improve my current situation. I dont want to call helplines or anything. I can't. It's hard enough talking to my psychologist at times. It's at a point where every option feels ultimately pointless. And all of that makes me think I shouldn't be on the forums. Like im doing something wrong. And maybe i am. Maybe it's not fair for someone who feels this hopeless to get on here and wallow when there's people on here who want to climb out of the darkness. Maybe I'm a hinderance.

Im processing a lot atm. Mainly the ugliness of the other night with one of the worst conversations I've had with my ex. Feel like little by little my spirit has been getting broken this year. I logically know a lot of what my ex said is bullshit--or at least one sided. But I guess maybe, it wasn't all bullshit. It wasn't nice, fair, or reasonable, but true...

I haven't ever been very capable at life. Big or small things. I have spent a lot of time struggling with my mental health. It's gotten in the way of living a normal life.

With work, I can fall back on my small business--but it's not a steady income as it's dependent on my level of motivation. It has the potential to grow and become more than it is, but I'm not capable of doing that right now. My inability to bring in big bucks was apprently on the list of reasons why my ex left me. One of my fears realised.

Not being proactive enough regarding household chores--yes I'm terrible at it. There's no good excuse, I'm lazy. I find it a task to do anything really. If i can muster up some motivation I want to put that into time with my kid or getting work done. Another fear realised.

And of course the big one, sex. I wish it was simple for me, but it's not. I feel like i tried explaining things as best I could, and we hd many many uncomfortable talks about it all. Horrible talks. Soul crushing talks. Talks that made me feel inadequate. Talks that make me think I'm only worthy if i make a decent wage and can perform on command.

These are all things that i hate about myself and they're where I'm vulnerable. Having not one of these things but all of them thrown at me has been rough. I know though, I know it was all warranted. Wasn't fun to hear but it is truthful. Doesn't address any of the flaws my ex has or the reasons why I am the way I am, but I guess what it boils down to is that didn't matter to her.

Ive been working on my communication over these past few years, and I have changed a lot. Anger doesn't control me--at least not all the time. I can have conversations, I can feel anger and not act on it, I can listen. But I'm still me. I'm still depressed. And that's just not going to change. The things that attribute to my shitty mental health aren't things I feel I can overcome. Best case scenario I manage to get by and have more days out of bed than in it. But it's not enough is it? I am not enough. And I never have been. I know that, I've always known that. But hearing those are all the reasons why my ex is gone hurts. But maybe that's justified.

Im really battling it out in my head. I feel worthless. Useless. Unlovable. And not just because of my ex, it's everything in my life. I feel like I'm getting pushed to the edge, and I used to fight it, I used to want to fight it. But i feel emptiness like I've never felt before. It hurts. Alot. I'm screwed up, I know that, but it hurts so much more having it thrown in my face. I'm useless. Broken beyond repair.

I want to take my life. I've been going over it a lot this week. Told myself that today would be the day since I'm on my own tonight. Have gone over how I'd do it and figured out a plan so I'm not lying around here for my son to find me. I have it worked out, I could do it, so what's stopping me? My son. Every time I think about going through with it he pops into my head.

I know I'm not a prize. I know I'm better off alone. I know I'm no good in relationships. But I know my son doesn't need me to be any of those things. And that's all that should matter. My son just needs me to be here. And I tell myself that but then I find ways around it, asking myself what kind of example my life sets for him? What will he become because of me? What if I let him down? What if choosing to survive means i continue to drown and get to a point where my suffering befomes his own? And I think people are quick to dismiss these questions, but they're real. Some kids are better off without their real parents. Some kids become irreparably screwed up thanks to their parents. So I'm left asking myself which choice will inflict the least amount of damage?

I haven't made it out of bed yet. Told myself I'd go to the bottle shop, get something nice, and just see where the night goes. I kind of know where it's going if I follow that path. But maybe that's the real reason I'm still in bed, to keep myself safe. But why? I don't know. I'm afraid of the damage it will cause my son. But I don't know for certain if staying alive is going to cause any less damage in the long run. I think about the things that happened to me and particularly about the abuse my brother and I suffered through from our mother. I think about the person I could be now if it weren't for her. I think about it a lot. And it's a big factor for me to weigh in.

I don't expect anyone to have answers or a response here. But I'm sad, alone, just need to be heard I guess.

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Yes Pumkin it is with this COVID shit wtf Clawde is at hope anyway thanks for travelling with your Clawde @saltandpepper 😍

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Yes @saltandpepper sorry I forgot that you have a child together, that complicates matters.

Nothing can prepare you for the pain when someone you really loved is with someone else and we've been replaced....it hurts our heart, our ego, our confidence and sense of self.

You only know what is in this other women from the outside. She may have lots on her resume and to show for her life materially, but its just a guessing game what she's like as a person. Its very hard to accept that we have a mental illness and not being able to contribute to society in the way of employment makes us a less desirable partner to healthy people with no concept of disability. Maybe we can only date people that understand. The abelism during Covid19 has really put this in the spotlight. All the whingers don't realise this is how we live every day and it wasn't a choice.

Even if you can't go no contact, I would limit contact as much as possible otherwise the scab keeps getting ripped off again and again. We just don't have the same resilience as others who won lifes health lottery, because it is a lottery. Corny

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On the other hand maybe it's a good thing. If this guy is everything I'm not, maybe that's good. Maybe that's what's supposed to happen. Maybe this is how it all works out. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe my son will be ok. Maybe my son will end up with things that I can never provide. Maybe he will end up becoming part of a new and normal family. Maybe he won't even know he's missing anything.

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Sorry if I got the gender muddled up @saltandpepper I'm not across all the details of your situation.

I don't think its a case of them being 'everything you are not'........just more compatible with your ex.

Even though it feels personal, its not really. It takes time to see that but eventually you will.

And the reality is you can't be with someone that is locking horns with you you will both become ill. For your ex to have exploded things must have been really unbearable for a long time, they held it in for too long that it turned into resentment. Its good its finished now, because after resentment, comes bitterness, and we have all met bitter people in life, its not pleasant if that state sets in.

I am supposed to say, "you will meet someone else".......but I am not the kind of person that serves platitudes just so you can avoid your feelings....if you want to meet someone else, I hope you do, or at least meet yourself outside of the definitions of your last relationship and what society impinges on a person with a MI. Corny

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Im not sober enough to digest all that @Corny but uh yeah

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I hope that you can talk openly to your psychologist @saltandpepper about drugs and alcohol. It does require medical treatment and I think it would take time to find a health professional you can connect with. Have you ever considered a long term admission to hospital or rehab? I have heard of long programmes out there, there was one in the hospital I was in, but considerng home many times people would circle back to rbe readmitted, I think they need to redesign the program and have more out-patient/community support...........I guess I only suggest this because none of us can avoid feelings. We can avoid ex-partners, we can avoid family and friends, but we cannot avoid the feelings. The feelings will always come back and we have to somehow, very slowly and gradually find a way to be with intense emotion otherwise we are high risk.

I've been in therapy non stop for 13 years and still struggle. Corny

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Just dropping in to spread some love @saltandpepper @Corny @Arizona @StuF all here.

That's hard to digest whenever it happens S&P...I still remember it well. Hugs and love my precious friend 🙏

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@Anastasia 💙 how are ya

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I'm ok today, just did some weeding and spread mulch. I've not done anything productive for such a long time. Just did a little bit coz of ABs, don't want to over do it. Shower now and then see what the day brings. Reaching and and giving you a big hug, in the hope it helps the heart a little. Many years later I thank the girl my ex married. My boys say they cannot even imagine their father and I ever being compatible, lol. Young and dumb I was...he was a muso and I was just naive *sigh

Happy now, takes time hun. @Corny gives wise advice. Revisit this when you can and in the mean time take care of you, ok?

🙏💙🙏

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@Anastasia Thanks for the hug

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