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Something’s not right

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There's been a lot going on in in my head this week. I don't know what I want anymore, if anything. I feel guilty being on the forums, i think because while I don't feel like I'm fixable I still want connections and support. But maybe that's selfish of me. And as it would appear, is not the purpose of the forums. I know I can look too far into things, paranoia/poopy brain issues do that. But I've been feeling like i shouldn't be here on the forums anymore. And i can't tell if it's in my head or not. I know I break a lot of guidelines here and i guess that just goes hand in hand with the things i need to talk about. Which makes it difficult.

I feel like I'm at a point where there's not a lot i can do to help or change things. I don't mean to get on here and post useless things like this. But i guess it's a coping method. Like journaling but with validation.

very fu*king depressed but I don't feel hopeful of change. I don't have a desire to do anything to improve my current situation. I dont want to call helplines or anything. I can't. It's hard enough talking to my psychologist at times. It's at a point where every option feels ultimately pointless. And all of that makes me think I shouldn't be on the forums. Like im doing something wrong. And maybe i am. Maybe it's not fair for someone who feels this hopeless to get on here and wallow when there's people on here who want to climb out of the darkness. Maybe I'm a hinderance.

Im processing a lot atm. Mainly the ugliness of the other night with one of the worst conversations I've had with my ex. Feel like little by little my spirit has been getting broken this year. I logically know a lot of what my ex said is bullshit--or at least one sided. But I guess maybe, it wasn't all bullshit. It wasn't nice, fair, or reasonable, but true...

I haven't ever been very capable at life. Big or small things. I have spent a lot of time struggling with my mental health. It's gotten in the way of living a normal life.

With work, I can fall back on my small business--but it's not a steady income as it's dependent on my level of motivation. It has the potential to grow and become more than it is, but I'm not capable of doing that right now. My inability to bring in big bucks was apprently on the list of reasons why my ex left me. One of my fears realised.

Not being proactive enough regarding household chores--yes I'm terrible at it. There's no good excuse, I'm lazy. I find it a task to do anything really. If i can muster up some motivation I want to put that into time with my kid or getting work done. Another fear realised.

And of course the big one, sex. I wish it was simple for me, but it's not. I feel like i tried explaining things as best I could, and we hd many many uncomfortable talks about it all. Horrible talks. Soul crushing talks. Talks that made me feel inadequate. Talks that make me think I'm only worthy if i make a decent wage and can perform on command.

These are all things that i hate about myself and they're where I'm vulnerable. Having not one of these things but all of them thrown at me has been rough. I know though, I know it was all warranted. Wasn't fun to hear but it is truthful. Doesn't address any of the flaws my ex has or the reasons why I am the way I am, but I guess what it boils down to is that didn't matter to her.

Ive been working on my communication over these past few years, and I have changed a lot. Anger doesn't control me--at least not all the time. I can have conversations, I can feel anger and not act on it, I can listen. But I'm still me. I'm still depressed. And that's just not going to change. The things that attribute to my shitty mental health aren't things I feel I can overcome. Best case scenario I manage to get by and have more days out of bed than in it. But it's not enough is it? I am not enough. And I never have been. I know that, I've always known that. But hearing those are all the reasons why my ex is gone hurts. But maybe that's justified.

Im really battling it out in my head. I feel worthless. Useless. Unlovable. And not just because of my ex, it's everything in my life. I feel like I'm getting pushed to the edge, and I used to fight it, I used to want to fight it. But i feel emptiness like I've never felt before. It hurts. Alot. I'm screwed up, I know that, but it hurts so much more having it thrown in my face. I'm useless. Broken beyond repair.

I want to take my life. I've been going over it a lot this week. Told myself that today would be the day since I'm on my own tonight. Have gone over how I'd do it and figured out a plan so I'm not lying around here for my son to find me. I have it worked out, I could do it, so what's stopping me? My son. Every time I think about going through with it he pops into my head.

I know I'm not a prize. I know I'm better off alone. I know I'm no good in relationships. But I know my son doesn't need me to be any of those things. And that's all that should matter. My son just needs me to be here. And I tell myself that but then I find ways around it, asking myself what kind of example my life sets for him? What will he become because of me? What if I let him down? What if choosing to survive means i continue to drown and get to a point where my suffering befomes his own? And I think people are quick to dismiss these questions, but they're real. Some kids are better off without their real parents. Some kids become irreparably screwed up thanks to their parents. So I'm left asking myself which choice will inflict the least amount of damage?

I haven't made it out of bed yet. Told myself I'd go to the bottle shop, get something nice, and just see where the night goes. I kind of know where it's going if I follow that path. But maybe that's the real reason I'm still in bed, to keep myself safe. But why? I don't know. I'm afraid of the damage it will cause my son. But I don't know for certain if staying alive is going to cause any less damage in the long run. I think about the things that happened to me and particularly about the abuse my brother and I suffered through from our mother. I think about the person I could be now if it weren't for her. I think about it a lot. And it's a big factor for me to weigh in.

I don't expect anyone to have answers or a response here. But I'm sad, alone, just need to be heard I guess.

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Hy @Sophia1 how are ya?

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I've had two black Labradors and two fawn Pugs in my life (all purebred). Dogs are my whole life and reason for living. I never had children. I would have liked to but it never happened. I would like to have a bigger house so I can have more dogs.

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Big house + lots of dogs, yes, yes to this @Arizona

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Sorry @saltandpepper

have taken medicine and time for lights out hopefully sleep 💤

Be gentle with yourself

take care

expect To see you back here chatting with friends.

ps. It takes strength to say that you want to be heard

you are stronger than you realise .

night night.

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Yes, @saltandpepper . It's my dream.

I'm not a cat person. I grew up with cats; my parents never let me have a dog (the f***ing c***s LOL), so I'm making up for it now.

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Hi @saltandpepper , I'm going to have a shower now. I will be up for a while longer. I don't feel like going to bed yet.

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@Arizona @Sophia1 Thank you guys

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@Anastasia missing you

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Hey @saltandpepper

just saw your post 🥲 I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I hear what you're saying and I really feel for you. Sometimes life throws us these difficult shit situations and it's hard to get out if it.

But pls don't leave and end your life. Think of your beautiful little boy. He needs his loving dad. He needs his dad who loves to put music on and dance!!!

You've been a great support to me. And I always love chatting to you.

pls stay and chat to us. Vent out. Write whatever you want and how you feel. We're here to support you.

im not great with words or know what to write. But I really hope you can see that there is hope. Your life will turn around.

love BlueBay ♥️🙏 xxoo

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I don't know much of your story @saltandpepper but if moderators or forum peeps have said anything about what the forums are and are not for, maybe they are just encouraging people to engage in more face to face supports, and worry about people being left at home with their own mind, with their computer, and looping thoughts. The internet is great and can really help with isolation but I think that things like social media can actually make people with chronic/complex mental illnesses feel more alone and marginalised. Especially when our condition is in a flare, as you say you have been finding it hard to get out of bed due to depression. You're seeing your psychologist but maybe the forums help with the inbetweens.

It sounds like you and your ex partner were not very compatible and that resentments of this incompatibility built over many years for it to end that heatedly. I think that when relationships try to continue on as normal once trsut has been broken or words said that can never be taken back, that these couples are those firey ones that everyone can't stand being around cos it is long dead and they are fighting against that truth.

Maybe you ex couldn't rationalise the deep love feelings they had for you with day-to-day things such as work and intimacy that impact relationships in the long term. They didn't match and they couldn't understand why. I think that this isn't a deficit in either of you, just a compatibility problem. And I think that our culture indoctrinated us in a way that actually increases our pain and suffering when it doesn't work out and the relationship ends. Hollywood tells us that when we meet someone and fall in love, they will meet our needs in every way, forever, and will never change. When I look around at everyone I know that is far from what I see......

......try and go easy on yourself. The negative inner voice can really take over in such a short time. I am needing reminding myself in this area as new information has come to light this year about my childhood that derailed me and had me leave university yet again, I had some psychosis too which luckily only lasted 3/4 weeks but isn't surprising how dark the memories are.....I am revisiting the chapters 'rememberance and mourning' in Trauma and Recovery. I need to really tame that negative inner talk that is maladaptive now I am out of my DV home. I don't have to maintain an attachment to abusive people. Maybe there are some self-help books that you could revisit this weekend, or on a day when you know you will chat to your clin-psych and you can debrief together. No self help books are perfect, some are pretty terrible actually, but even if they contain just one nugget that creates a mind shift, it can be valuable.

It takes a lot of phyiscial and mental stamina to live with a mental illness @saltandpepper , Corny

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