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Something’s not right

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There's been a lot going on in in my head this week. I don't know what I want anymore, if anything. I feel guilty being on the forums, i think because while I don't feel like I'm fixable I still want connections and support. But maybe that's selfish of me. And as it would appear, is not the purpose of the forums. I know I can look too far into things, paranoia/poopy brain issues do that. But I've been feeling like i shouldn't be here on the forums anymore. And i can't tell if it's in my head or not. I know I break a lot of guidelines here and i guess that just goes hand in hand with the things i need to talk about. Which makes it difficult.

I feel like I'm at a point where there's not a lot i can do to help or change things. I don't mean to get on here and post useless things like this. But i guess it's a coping method. Like journaling but with validation.

very fu*king depressed but I don't feel hopeful of change. I don't have a desire to do anything to improve my current situation. I dont want to call helplines or anything. I can't. It's hard enough talking to my psychologist at times. It's at a point where every option feels ultimately pointless. And all of that makes me think I shouldn't be on the forums. Like im doing something wrong. And maybe i am. Maybe it's not fair for someone who feels this hopeless to get on here and wallow when there's people on here who want to climb out of the darkness. Maybe I'm a hinderance.

Im processing a lot atm. Mainly the ugliness of the other night with one of the worst conversations I've had with my ex. Feel like little by little my spirit has been getting broken this year. I logically know a lot of what my ex said is bullshit--or at least one sided. But I guess maybe, it wasn't all bullshit. It wasn't nice, fair, or reasonable, but true...

I haven't ever been very capable at life. Big or small things. I have spent a lot of time struggling with my mental health. It's gotten in the way of living a normal life.

With work, I can fall back on my small business--but it's not a steady income as it's dependent on my level of motivation. It has the potential to grow and become more than it is, but I'm not capable of doing that right now. My inability to bring in big bucks was apprently on the list of reasons why my ex left me. One of my fears realised.

Not being proactive enough regarding household chores--yes I'm terrible at it. There's no good excuse, I'm lazy. I find it a task to do anything really. If i can muster up some motivation I want to put that into time with my kid or getting work done. Another fear realised.

And of course the big one, sex. I wish it was simple for me, but it's not. I feel like i tried explaining things as best I could, and we hd many many uncomfortable talks about it all. Horrible talks. Soul crushing talks. Talks that made me feel inadequate. Talks that make me think I'm only worthy if i make a decent wage and can perform on command.

These are all things that i hate about myself and they're where I'm vulnerable. Having not one of these things but all of them thrown at me has been rough. I know though, I know it was all warranted. Wasn't fun to hear but it is truthful. Doesn't address any of the flaws my ex has or the reasons why I am the way I am, but I guess what it boils down to is that didn't matter to her.

Ive been working on my communication over these past few years, and I have changed a lot. Anger doesn't control me--at least not all the time. I can have conversations, I can feel anger and not act on it, I can listen. But I'm still me. I'm still depressed. And that's just not going to change. The things that attribute to my shitty mental health aren't things I feel I can overcome. Best case scenario I manage to get by and have more days out of bed than in it. But it's not enough is it? I am not enough. And I never have been. I know that, I've always known that. But hearing those are all the reasons why my ex is gone hurts. But maybe that's justified.

Im really battling it out in my head. I feel worthless. Useless. Unlovable. And not just because of my ex, it's everything in my life. I feel like I'm getting pushed to the edge, and I used to fight it, I used to want to fight it. But i feel emptiness like I've never felt before. It hurts. Alot. I'm screwed up, I know that, but it hurts so much more having it thrown in my face. I'm useless. Broken beyond repair.

I want to take my life. I've been going over it a lot this week. Told myself that today would be the day since I'm on my own tonight. Have gone over how I'd do it and figured out a plan so I'm not lying around here for my son to find me. I have it worked out, I could do it, so what's stopping me? My son. Every time I think about going through with it he pops into my head.

I know I'm not a prize. I know I'm better off alone. I know I'm no good in relationships. But I know my son doesn't need me to be any of those things. And that's all that should matter. My son just needs me to be here. And I tell myself that but then I find ways around it, asking myself what kind of example my life sets for him? What will he become because of me? What if I let him down? What if choosing to survive means i continue to drown and get to a point where my suffering befomes his own? And I think people are quick to dismiss these questions, but they're real. Some kids are better off without their real parents. Some kids become irreparably screwed up thanks to their parents. So I'm left asking myself which choice will inflict the least amount of damage?

I haven't made it out of bed yet. Told myself I'd go to the bottle shop, get something nice, and just see where the night goes. I kind of know where it's going if I follow that path. But maybe that's the real reason I'm still in bed, to keep myself safe. But why? I don't know. I'm afraid of the damage it will cause my son. But I don't know for certain if staying alive is going to cause any less damage in the long run. I think about the things that happened to me and particularly about the abuse my brother and I suffered through from our mother. I think about the person I could be now if it weren't for her. I think about it a lot. And it's a big factor for me to weigh in.

I don't expect anyone to have answers or a response here. But I'm sad, alone, just need to be heard I guess.

244 replies

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You're very welcome @saltandpepper

im sitting down reading a book. Not all housework is done - but I don't care. I'm taking time out for me.
Sometimes I feel ok and the next minute I'm angry and emotional and then think of self harm. But something stops me from going forward with that.
Love how close you are to your brother. I wish I was close to my sisters like that. My fsmily is not close snymore. Which makes me sad. It is what it is. Are you the oldest?
im the oldest girl then I have two younger ones. My brother (who I hate) is the oldest. The golden child. Can do no wrong.
oh I'm sorry I've ranted on your post. I'm sorry.
You sound more positive this morning. I hope it continues all day for you. ♥️Xxoo

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Always happy to have a chat @BlueBay no need to apologise, ok?

pfft the housework can go eff itself. Though I actually am doing a bit of that today, however my house is on desperate need of attention. You may have read on here that I'm pretty sure the chaotic state of my place is what scared off intruders haha

watcha reading? I started a new book too, reading is a good distraction 👍

yeah the flipping emotions thing and urge to SH is something important familiar with. The SH response tends to creep up when I'm overwhelmed by emotion and need it to stop. Understand it completely. It's not the way to go though @BlueBay when I've been more capable at managing it in the past, I try to recognise where the anger is coming from as it's usually an underlying issue and not anything to do with what's set me off. Must admit I haven't been doing that though. Need to get back to managing my shit better hey.

your brother is an absolute twat @BlueBay and oh if the guidelines on here would allow, i would write so many things here. I'm sorry you're not close with the others though, that must be very hard. And nah my brother is the oldest, I'm the youngest.

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Thanks @saltandpepper 🙏

im reading a book about a Korean girl who lived in poverty and saw so much. One day she and her mum decided to escape to China. It's an autobiography snd really interesting. I'm in bed where it's warm.
yeah I know what you mean about sh.
I think I've noticed my snger stays with me for a long time. I can't seem to shift it.
Enjoy your day xxx

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Hello @saltandpepper @BlueBay @Arizona

@Anastasia @TAB @MDT @Clawde

seriously cannot remember everyone on here....does my head in and takes up too much time...

Hello all

I have only just read your tagged post..

A traumatic space to be in....try not to analyse why how what.....too difficult for even a qualified specialist to work out without ongoing support and communication..more around how you are feeling now and working where to step by step slowly..

Mind just goes to a place where memory cannot get in...at those times.

The best outcome is that you are still here and all of us are so thankful and relieved that you are..

Powerful bonds there with your brother and son...

Wonderful that they mean the world to you and are in your life with love and support...

Your brother has his own life experiences and I believe that he was telling you how important you are to him......He needs you as much as you need him...You mean the world to him so very clear.....

Your son climbing into bed and putting his arm around you....that is what boys do with their daddies....laying there together said so much to him as well as you...Physically holding someone can mean far more, than words ever can ..

You have no room for more guilt. ....a dreadful, damaging emotion...

Guilt will not help you move forward and rebuild a life that includes a loving brother and son...for all three of you..

Guilt builds within us from our conditioned thinking..Usually of our own creating and what has happened to us..

When it comes try to turn it around to all of the love and support that you give rather than focussing on what you feel you should..

Interestingly enough, I told both of my boys when they were younger...growing up.......get rid of the words...should would could...

Most of all you are still probably feeling in a state of confusion.... Your mind needs a rest...time out....

I am practising all of the above myself...

take very special care of you @saltandpepper as others have all said you are a loving, caring, worthy person who loves...

that is real life.....loving...

We just have to work on loving ourselves......

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@Sophia1

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Hey @saltandpepper,

I want to acknowledge your desire to vent along with @BlueBay and I'm sure it's much appreciated. I also wanted to thank you for recognising the boundary there and reiterate the importance of respecting everyone, forum member or non, as a fellow human being. I know sometimes it can be hard to sit with when someone hurts us or a friend. You want to react, but the forums are not the right space to do that in excess. Vent, absolutely, but please try to refrain from making comments that are offensive regarding others in line with the respect guideline.

In response to: Re: Blah blah blah

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Was I out of line @TideisTurning ??

I know what @saltandpepper wrote about my brother didn't offend me at all.
I'm sirry I prob shouldn't write anything about him on here.

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That's ok, and to answer your question, you didn't do anything wrong @BlueBay. You're of course allowed to talk about what's happening for you with your brother here. I was just posting as a gentle reminder to not go too far with things like name calling in line with the respect guideline. All the best,

TideisTurning 🌷

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@saltandpepper hope you are okay ? water off a ... hopefully ..

@BlueBay @Sophia1

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