Hello @Meggle
It is great that you have the opportunity to address the issues that you want to deal with.
In the introduction to a counselling or therapy discussion, I find the first question, “How have you been since we last spoke?”, is a difficult one. As I write this, I am thinking, “is a difficult one” or “is probably the most difficult one.” Either way, I'm sure that you know what I'm thinking of, in that regard.
Preparing a few 'dot point' written notes on your feelings and concerns can help. Doesn't need to be expansive. Just helps with the first few minutes. This way, you have established the start point, to help get through the initial introduction. This, I refer to as the 'sign post' moment, at the commencement of the discussion. At that 'sign post' moment, we ask ourselves the question, “Which way from here?” If you have an outline plan, you have already addressed that question, prior to your appointment and the commencement of the discussion.
The next thing that I would plan to do, as you sit down at the commencement of the discussion, is to take a few moments to feel comfortable. Just being aware of any physical tension in your body. Mundane things help here. Taking notes out of bag, getting out glasses, if you wear them, preparing and having a 'feeling' for the room and your immediate environment. These little actions allow you to be aware of any tension in your shoulders, tightness in your legs, short shallow breathing, 'funny', unsettled feeling in the stomach. Being aware of these physical feelings allows you the opportunity to relax as you are entering the verbal/oratory part of the discussion. Consider what the feelings represent. Nervousness, apprehension, fear..... I believe that the person you are talking with, is likely to be aware of those first few preliminary actions, and appreciate that you are settling and 'grounding' yourself. This preparation, in the initial moments of the discussion, allows you time to reflect, consider and mentally prepare for the discussion.
Your commencement of discussion can be about how you are feeling, physically, at the start. It is interesting that you describe “feeling awkward and anxious about seeing her again.” That statement raises the question, “Is it that you are “feeling awkward and anxious about seeing her again?'”, or is it a feeling of concern and apprehension about disclosing your thoughts and feelings, with her, about issues from the past. Although this might seem like “splitting hairs”, I think that it is worthwhile to be aware of and conscious of the 'correct' foundation and reasons for each of your feelings.
You can mentally rehearse this 'commencement of discussion' and awareness of feelings and thoughts, prior to the actual appointment. This 'rehearsal', while you are relaxed somewhere, can be just for mental preparation. The 'rehearsal' need not necessarily be for the actual discussion, but more of an exploration of your anticipated feelings, in the next few days, prior to the discussion.
I think, that just like eating vegetables, most of the 'pain' is experienced while the vegetables are still cooking. In other words, most of the 'pain' of a discussion, with a counsellor/therapist, is experienced before the appointment. If we can explore the 'real' feelings prior to the discussion, it is likely to make our entry to the discussion much easier.
Another part of preparation, is to not consider that the discussion is a monolithic structure in front of you, to which you are taking a wrecking ball to crush and remove. But rather, a building of bricks, each wall of which you are dismantling and using to rebuild, according to a new, better plan. You will be essentially the same person, with the same materials, in a more substantial, structurally sound and attractive form.
I compliment you on making the decision to deal with the issues that appear to be complicating your life. Having them unpacked and then repacked, in a new accessible and controllable format, is much better than having them scattered untidily around your 'mental household'.Success in the discussions will mean not having to work around them and having them trip you up, at the most inconvenient times, as has occurred in the past. I believe, that learning how to 'dismantle, repack and store these issues', in a controlled, yet still accessible format, is what learning new “healthier living and coping mechanisms” is all about.
You have a reasonable idea about the differences between various forms of therapy, CBT, DBT, ACT, etc. So allow yourself the opportunity to be aware of alternatives, if your restructuring becomes too unsettling. Just knowing that there are other alternatives helps to maintain stability during the therapy discussions. In other words, you are not totally locked in.
I do hope that these thoughts and ideas will be helpful for you, during the next few days and during your discussions.
With My Very Best Wishes
@HenryX
Edit: I have rearranged some sentences so that, I hope, the text will be more contiguous and coherent.
