bipolarbunnySenior Contributor
Gender Crossroads???
This is a difficult subject for me to post about, partly because I am not well informed on the subject, but mostly I guess cause it is something that has dogged me my whole life and I'm confused about where I fit in or where to go for answers.
I was born a woman and I identify with my sex as female and I am sexually attracted to men so consider myself straight. The problem is for a great majority of my life I have not felt feminine. I have always been a huge tomboy to the point where I feel more comfortable in a masculine role, mixing with men and being involved in masculine hobbies. I feel completely like a fish out of water when expected to act like a women. I always thought that was because my mother couldn't be bothered taking an interest in helping me develop into a woman, but I have had plenty of female friends over the years but still being feminine even with their tutelage has felt completely foreign to me. I even remember saying to my therapist a few times in session that when people refer to me as a lady or woman, I look around to see who they are referring too because I certainly don't feel like one.
In saying that however there are times that I do feel female, and from a sexual point of view I do not feel like a man. So I guess it's not my sexuality I'm questioning but it's my gender identity. I really don't know if I am a women who is still a tomboy that just prefers to interact with men and enjoys manly things or I am in fact non-binary or gender fluid.
I grew up in a toxic narcissistic homophobic bigoted family and was told who I was, how I should act, who I should be, how I should think, to be seen and not heard, but I've always been mistaken for a boy and somehow even though not being recognised as female upset me when I was young, deep down I found safety and strength identifying with my masculine side.
I guess I am questioning all this now because I am finally finding my voice and breaking out of the toxic net of my family and discovering who I am. I've done a bit of reading about non-binary & gender fluidity but I am truly lost in understanding where I fit. I don't feel completely like a woman and I don't feel completely like a man, so who the hell am I?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated xx
BB 🐰💙
@Former-Member @Anastasia @Shaz51
