Gender Crossroads???

That all makes complete sense @bipolarbunny 👍😁💖 I think you have expressed yourself very well and I agree with a lot of that myself ...and the same for myself. One of the really positive things that have come out of my battle with MI is that I can now accept that who I am is not only who I want to be but it is okay to be ME. Past history, trauma and battles with what I love as compared to what society 'judges' we should be have certainly all contributed to those feelings of being different, approaching things differently, doing things differently - expectations of what we should be like, what we should conform to and what we should feel have all been struggles for me. My Mum just recently said - you have always been so independent - and I have ...sometimes not by choice but necessity. She also said that my Pop once said to her and my Nan that they were doing me no favours by supporting me as they did but in-fact that has been the opposite - they may not have agreed with everything I thought or did but they did support me to think for myself. Trauma, abuse, MI etc. have all affected that along the journey in so many ways but coming through this latest few years I am much more comfortable with who I am. One of the things that really still challenges me though is the expectation that we all need to be social animals - I don't ...and that is a choice - a protective mechanism yes but still a well thought through choice. I don't need people around me or to 'socialise' regularly - I like being by myself, with my fur babies, doing things around the house, my art, my work... It has taken me a lot to get through to my supports that not everyone is the same and not everyone needs that continual social interaction to be happy. Yes I have friends here and I work in an area that means being around people everyday - and that is enough for me.

I have gotten off track here a little but my point is - you find what you love and then love yourself for doing (being) that. What others think we should or should not be does not matter if we are comfortable in being ourselves.

@Gwynn Thanks so much for the link, I'll be sure and check it out. xx

BB 🐰💙

Hey @bipolarbunny, I'm so glad you've reached out to share how you're feeling

I'm non-binary myself so I definitely have some thoughts! ✨

The first is to not feel pressure to come up with an answer too soon. You might feel ok to float around in the "questioning" space for a while, to allow yourself time and space to think. This is big stuff, after all! You also might never reach (or want to reach!) a particular label. Take this at your own pace and see where it goes

I can definitely relate to some experiences you were describing. It might be the case that where you feel your gender most comfortably is, is somewhere in the space between "man" and "woman?" If there are still any ways you feel comfortable as a woman, you could identify as a non-binary woman (that is, both comfortable in some ways as a woman, but also not so in other ways).

Anyone questioning their gender (or sexual orientation) is welcome in this community here: LBGTIQA+ Social Space I find it's incredibly helpful to connect with other people who have questioned or are questioning their gender. Community is incredible!

And if you'd like a dedicated space of 1:1 support, QLife might be a good option to speak or chat with someone from the LGBTIAQ+ community who can lend a listening ear.

All the best - I know questioning your gender can be quite a journey

I might tag some other people who've mentioned they're non-binary in case they have any thoughts to add too @Fluttershy1 @Jynx

@Zoe7 I can definitely identify with this...

"One of the really positive things that have come out of my battle with MI is that I can now accept that who I am is not only who I want to be but it is okay to be ME."

I have definitely found that in regards to big chunks of myself as well. I still have a long way to go to fully accepting myself as enough just bring ME, but I am certainly heading in the right direction.

You bring up a really interesting point about the pressure and expectation that we all need to be social animals. I agree with your assessment and definitely disagree with those ideals of social expectations as well. Like you I enjoy my own company. I have carved out a zone of safety whereby I can live my life in peace alone and be happy to be able to explore that peace alone. I feel much happier only having to deal with me in my headspace and not a committee of well meaning "intruders aka friends" all offering poorly worded "advice" directed towards helping me understand how I should live my life. Been there done that, bought the T shirt, burnt the T shirt, never again.
I do have moments of guttural loneliness but I think that stems from my deeply rooted abandonment trauma at such a young age.
As an adult I am quite fine with occasionally mixing with the world when I go to the gym or run a race but I am very much my own person in my own head where it's private and safe. And I don't feel I should have to jeopardise that safety cause society deems it's necessary for my progress as a human being to mingle, have lots of friends or be in a relationship. A younger me had all that and still felt terribly alone. So that blows societies theory completely out the window.

And yes, comfort in one's own skin is the ultimate prize to self healing I think too. xx

BB 🐰💙

@Former-Member Thank you SO much, that is incredibly helpful. As I said in my initial post it's something that I am just starting to explore and learn more about and it is a little overwhelming as there's so much information out there. I feel like I am finally free to discover those sides of myself that I've kept buried for so long and I am trying to understand and accept them. As you say it is a journey and who knows where it will lead.

Thank you for the invite to the LBGTIQA+ Social Space I will definitely drop by. Thanks also for the link to QLife that sounds like a great place to start. Really appreciate your help and support. Thank you so much xx

BB 🐰💙

@bipolarbunny Throughout our lives we continue to learn, grow, change and adapt. We are always confronted by questions, dilemmas and things we need to get through. All of that makes us who we are but we can also choose to take on board some things and disregard others that we feel do not fit (or we do not want to fit) with the who we want to be. It is a journey (a cliche I know) but we can choose the best road to travel based on what we know and where we want to go. It takes some insight into what we do want and who we are - something you obviously have - but that does not mean that there are always imediate answers to what we question ...it is then a journey of discovery, contemplation and hopefully further growth

Like you, I am comfortable in my own space. It really is a conscious choice. Like you also I have had friends, relationships and been very social - and none of that ended well. I am a very private person IRL and do not let many in at all but I am also much more confident now to voice my opinions when I can see something is wrong or misunderstood. Generally when I speak - others listen - because I do not say much but when I do it is very considered. I used to never speak at all because my history has been one of being shutdown, disregarded and ignored ...now I won't let that happen but that has taken a lot of time and work to know myself and know what I have to say is just as valuable as anyone else. Our identity and self worth should not be judged or determined by anyone else but ourselves - and knowing who we are, what we stand for and what we will not tolerate is just as important as what we do (or don't do).

I would love to continue on this journey with you and support you along the way

@Zoe7 Thank you my friend your support means a great deal to me and I'd love to have you with me on this journey. I think in the past the old me has always wanted to find the answers quickly but the older I get the more I realise that it is a very slow process of discovery, and if my mental illness has taught me anything over the years it's patience wins out. I think the discovery of who I truly feel comfortable being will need a lot of that patience.
I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow and I've decided to bring up the subject and discuss it with him. Giving those feelings a voice and expanding on my earlier conversations with him which centred on my feelings of a loss of identity might be a good place to start. xx

BB 🐰💙

@Former-Member

Self discovery can happen at any time but also in our own time @bipolarbunny - so take all the time you need - there is absolutely no rush. We all find ourselves in different ways and in different time and the journey along the way can be just as valuable as the end destination ...in saying tht though I don't believe that destination is ever truly reached - as we confront different situations, learn more and grow each day we are always learning - about ourselves, the world and those around us - so maybe it is the journey itself that has the most value in the search for oneself.

Happy to be on this journey with you 👍😁💖

@Former-Member @Zoe7 @saltandpepper @SJT63 @Anastasia @Gwynn

So I had a session today with my tdoc and I told him I was questioning my gender and we ended up having an amazing discussion. I opened up about everything I've been feeling and thinking over the years and he was SO supportive, it was incredible.

I feel like the weight of the world has lifted off my shoulders. I think it's been a huge step forward in me discovering and accepting who I am and I guess in a way I feel free.
I feel pretty wiped out cause it was a hugely emotional day, but I'm just so glad I started this post and finally began exploring this side of myself.
I am so grateful to you all for your thoughts and amazing support. I'm not sure I could have brought this issue up in session without all your help. So from the bottom of my heart thank you. There's a long journey ahead, but I'm excited to see where it goes.
Big hugs to you all xx

BB 🐰💙