Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )

oh my @Shaz51 @Healandlove rough time for you both hey!!

I'm with @Shaz51 in thinking that your kids are also learning from you @Healandlove and watching how you handle things - seeing gentleness modelled as well as rage.

Probably time for a cuppa? Here with you both 💜

@Shaz51 shazzy, I'm sorry the heat us making you feel unwell. It so awful...this weather is going to be the end of us all.

I really hope it gets better. What happens in case of a cyclone? Would you have to evacuate?

I feel so tired too.

Thank you for your kind words. I hope that the kids follow my way instead if my husband's. I feel lonely and like the only parent that wants to do the right thing for them emotionally.

Right now I feel like I just want to run away. Of course I won't but in my mind I am. These are the days I don't feel appreciated. It's hard.

Sending you love and getting better vibes.

🫂❤️

@Jynx i hope so. I would give my life first my kids. All I want is their happiness and if they pair up that they do it with someone that is emotionally available and gentle.

Just feel 💔 right now.

Thanks @Healandlove , @Jynx 😊

Our house has been through a lot of cyclones since 1915 so we will be staying inside if and when it comes and hoping it will stand up against it

A lots of things are going through my husband mind lately ,,I am trying to be positive, supportive, encouraging , listening, working out what to say

Soo tired mentally and physically

Gentle hugs coming atcha @Healandlove 🫂🫂

I know for myself, my parents were certainly not perfect (just ask my messed up attachment system) but they definitely made sure we knew they loved us, and that made a massive difference. Your kids will feel your love and devotion I'm sure of it. Heck, I can feel the fire of your love from all the way over here!! Hehe 💜

@Shaz51 stood the test of time eh!! I hope it's not too scary!!

Just curious hun... do you always have to be positive? It sounds like doing so is quite exhausting for you!!

The 2006 cyclone was just lifting the corner of the roof and had water in the laundry and spare room , soo we got a new roof out of that one

@Jynx , @Healandlove

Being positive is exhausting, I think I must of inherited that from my mum

@Shaz51 Let's hope no new roof needed again!!

Yeah it totally is!! And it means we don't make space for the whole scope of our emotional experience, which is important!! It's rough hey.

@Jynx thank you for reminding me of that. My husband loves the kids and many times shows them by hugging them, telling them he loves them, providing for them but it is the times when he just screams over small things that breaks my heart and makes me worry about what they will learn from this behaviour.

I do adore my children and everthing I do I do for them. I hope it makes a difference and hearing your story it looks like it does.

Thank you for being here ❤️❤️‍🩹

@Shaz51 shazzy my sister I'm with @Jynx ...maybe try not to be positive, just be present but not say anything?

Over the years have you become used to loneliness?

I feel like that with my husband. There are times that we could be on the same proximity but I feel completely lonely and alone.

I guess it pays to love our own company then ☺️.

I hear you and can relate completely. It's exhausting being the emotionally available and mature one.

Hugs to you my lovely and I hope no cyclones hit. Keep safe 🫂🫂🫂

@Healandlove you are very welcome hun. I think the very fact that you have this concern, that you're not just like "Oh this is normal behaviour!", is in itself a benefit too. I think if you were just to rollover and try to make it ok or explain it away, then that would be teaching your kids that they ought to respond to aggression in the same way. Instead, you're teaching them not only that it's not okay to treat people that way, but also that humans are complex, and deserve compassion even when they're being big screamy meanies.

Ach such complex lil creatures ain't we!!

I agree with you as well - @Shaz51 presence is preferred to positivity!! Oooh yay alliteration 😋 Hehe. But yeah like... great examples all over the forums of this - like when someone is struggling with suicide ideation, we as a community typically aim to gather around them and be there with them, rather than trying to make it all okay or resolve it for them. Reckon that's an attitude you could try to bring into these moments?