Hello @Oaktree
Sorry to have been so quiet the last couple of days. I still have a number of responses, for different people, that I would like to attend to, all tucked in separate browser tabs so that I do not forget them.
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The last few days have been occupied mainly in preparation for the arrival and company of my daughter and her son. It was really lovely to see them and enjoy their company, as I hope that they enjoyed mine. From comments made, I believe that they did.
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With regard to some of your previous and early experiences, I do believe that it is a matter of dealing with them and, as you say, moving forward. I think that I have said before, that we cannot blame ourselves for what we
“......did not know, understand, or realise the implications of, many years ago.”
I believe that we are all naïve as children, that is indeed what being child-like is all about.
“I was so naïve as a kid and way too trusting.”
I believe that that comment about naivete and trust would likewise have applied to me, during those early years, and possibly even further. (a)
Also, I think that we can be very harsh on ourselves, in retrospect, for what may simply have been, the natural curiosity of childhood. As we get older, we learn new perspectives, 'rules' and principles, and it is very easy to 'post-judge' ourselves, according to principles that we learn and adopt as we grow older. In this way we can impose on ourselves feelings, such as shame or embarrassment, that need not be necessary or appropriate. From our ever developing awareness, we may later say,
“I feel like I should have known better.”
as you did in your comment today. However, the fact is, very likely, that 'we' did not know fully, the implications of our actions at the time.
I do believe that 'forgiving ourselves' starts with a clear understanding of the difference between our present and our past, in terms of knowledge, awareness and understanding. If you don't blame any one else, why should you place blame upon yourself. I believe that you deserve the peace that you 'should' allow yourself. In fact, if you look back to your previous posts, you have actually said that you: “.....didn't know what it was.”
From my perspective, and for whatever you feel is appropriate for you, I am pleased that you have had the opportunity to discuss the matter with your counsellor. I think that it is time to tidy up and move on. You have said,
“I can't change the past but hopefully I can change my future.”
Frankly, I can say, from a personal perspective, that I wish that I had known much more than I did about gender issues, differences and similarities, as I moved into adult life. It can be just as painful and difficult, to be bound up by rules and sanctions, and our lack of knowledge and experience, as it is to deal with the consequences of our own, very real, childhood experiences, as we grow up.
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I grew up with the understanding that there are three conditions for serious wrong doing, which are:
1. Grave or Very Serious Matter 2. Full Knowledge 3. Deliberate Consent
I would doubt that any of those conditions would be fully, or even partly met and evident, in what you have described to me. Certainly, I would believe that would be true for any child, in similar circumstances. This is what I have referred to in talking about the difference between shame and embarrassment.
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I am aware that we have considered and discussed this topic and incidents in quite some detail. However, I have also understood it to be a matter of significance and concern for you. Consequently, I have felt it worth putting that time into discussing the matter with you. As I have said before, you may like to discuss these comments with your counsellor, or not as you see fit.
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I have the concern, if we pass the blame to others, that we are devolving responsibility to those others. When ever we pass the blame and responsibility onto someone else, we are unable to give ourselves the freedom to accept and sometimes, to forgive ourselves, in as much as any responsibility should be our own. I agree that responsibility should be apportioned appropriately, but not in such a way that removes our capacity to give us freedom for both self-acceptance and for self-forgiveness, in so much as, and to what degree, we need to accept any blame and, or responsibility. Giving ourselves the opportunity self-acceptance and for self-forgiveness can be very freeing and an opportunity to lift and remove the load that we have been carrying. This can enable us to take better advantage of distractions, diversions and other, more productive activities.
Please challenge my thoughts if you have a different perspective(s).
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On the 6 Sept, you wrote, after reading the two chapters of Matthew, that
“I think he will be here soon as there surely are wars and rumours of wars abounding at the moment along with all kinds of iniquity.”
If we look back at evidence of previous wars and other terrible situations and atrocities in history, such as the trade in slaves of all nationalities and races, {not just the American-African slave trade, but many others} we really must consider current events, even if they progress to armed conflict, as no different or worse than former times. Evil is still evil. But, we might consider the events such as the revolutionary and criminal behaviour during uprisings in France and Russia, the 1st and 2nd world wars and other hideous examples of imposition and atrocities. Consider also, the birth of this country, in its European based iteration, and the reasons for its initial development.
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I think, that if we had been in Germany in the years, prior to WW11, we might have had sound reason to fear for the future, partly because of the messages and directions that may well have conflicted with our moral, civil and religious convictions, teachings and guidance. Though, at the present time, I believe that the possibility of armed conflict within the not too distant future is, as I have said elsewhere, definitely within the realms of possibility.
It is always easy, because we live in the present, to consider:
“The present worst to be worse than the past worst”
That is because we are personally familliar, only with the present worst. However, I believe that that statement is not necessarily true. And we have the resources available, at our fingertips on the keyboard, to ascertain the veracity, or otherwise, of that belief.
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In spite of these events, I have said to others, I believe, that we are not likely to be so fortunate as to see the end of the world in conjunction with Parousia (A) in our lifetimes. There have been many times, in history, that people have thought that it was imminent. I also believe that God would want us to live our lives in what we consider the most appropriate ways, according to the best guidance and knowledge that we have, both religious and secular, which is all that we can know, rather than being distracted by an unreasonable concern and fear of and about, End Times. See Matthew:
24:6 “And you will hear of wars and rumours of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.”
24:36 “But of that day and hour no-one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only."
24:44 “Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”
25:13 “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming.”
This is what we have been told. It is my belief that we should live our lives, each day, in a way that we consider could be our last. In other words, we should attempt to make each day better than the days before.
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On health matters, I am very pleased to hear that your blood results, eventually, all came back positive, with the consequent cancelling of the need for a biopsy.
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I enjoyed reading about your magical mystery tour. A drive to enjoy with your husband with a few pleasant diversions. Sometimes the sea can look quite good when it is in that grey moody state, and nice to enjoy from the comfort of the car. It sounds like your family are busy with interviews and job search activities. I hope that those activities will be useful and productive.
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It seems that I am making up for lost time, I hope, combining responses from the last few days.
With My Best Wishes
@HenryX
Reference:
(A) Definition of parousia
in Christian theology
The time when Jesus Christ will return to judge humanity at the end of the world : second coming
Christians around A.D. 64 anxiously awaited the parousia, Jesus Christ's imminent Second Coming.— Tom Mueller
(As some also did in 1844, and at other times}
In a word, everything hinges on the interpretation, or rather, re-interpretation of the parousia, that is, the time of the arrival of the Messiah.— Otto Rank
… treading the paths of history in order to come at last to the Parousia. — States News Service
“Parousia.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/parousia . Accessed 9 Sep. 2021.
(a) Edit: 5:00am 10 Sept 21 - I have added a sentance and some words in the text for clarity.
5:30pm 12 Sept 21 - Some added words for expansion of thought, clarification and emphasis
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