Introduction

Thank you @Oaktree

Best Wishes

HenryX

Hi @HenryX me again....

The doctor is a million miles from you... oh my gosh a long drive. I guess that does give you quite a lot of thinking time. I agree with you you have to be very careful of self talk. Oh and I just remembered what I was going to say last post when I said that you know what you 'should' be doing. I put it in the inverted commas because you have to be careful about should'ing and must'ing too as that is an example of black and white thinking which in itself is maladaptive. I wish you wouldn't have said that you have a "thick head" but at least you picked up on it and pulled yourself up. You really are quite self aware so I think that the counseling you are receiving is helping you. The CBT books that you mentioned sound interesting. I have the same problem as you with the self abuse which was started by someone else. In your case your father but in mine it was my mother. She was very narcissistic so nothing was ever her fault instead she laid everything at my door. She was also emotionally abusive and I got physically slapped by her a lot. I was a really good kid and when I think about how much attitude my daughter gives me I think my Mother would have slapped her well into next week. She is lucky she doesn't have my mother as her mother i guess lol.

Meggle

@HenryX

It's interesting you mentioned schema therapy as I have an interest in it. I did a test with my psychologist and my schema's are all out of whack. I have watched a few YouTube videos starring a clinical psychologist called Jess O'Garr which I have found very informative in understanding the theory involved in schema therapy. https://youtu.be/Ygq_Pz8GEyY

Thankyou for providing me the backround of schema therapy as I found that quite interesting.

Meggle

@HenryX

I love that you are involved in positive things involving your community. I read elsewhere that you went and sang at the aged care home today and you mentioned the repair works needed in your community by a builder. It's a good idea to try and get a quote as a collective rather than one at a time. Maybe the builder can come quote then plan to come stay in your town for as many days as the work may take thus making it more profitable for them. I wish you luck in this venture. I really hope that you do keep trying to find your inner child for our writing thread even though you don't find this easy or natural. In time I think you will improve at it. You seem to me to be the kind of fellow that enjoys reading and researching and there is nothing wrong with that. It seems that you skipped your childhood from the age of 5 and for that I am truly sorry. Henry Rush just needs to find his silly side and not feel too embarrassed or uncomfortable letting it out in public. Just remember there is no wrong or right in playing. That's what we are asking you to do. Just to he playful.

Love to you dear Henry

Meggle

@HenryX

I have finished responding to your message now it's your turn again 🙂

meggle

Hello @Oaktree

Thank you so much for your responses to my post on circumstances, therapy and background. I thought, since we had discussed similar issues before, that you would very likely understand where I was coming from, both literally and figuratively. Your response has indicated that you do.

I certainly don't want to impose on you or anyone else. We are all here for similar reasons (stating the obvious), some circumstances are more alike than others. My wish, because of similarities was to talk with you about me and my situation (unashamedly) and also to share the information about the types of therapy, and what each of those encompassed in brief.

Likewise, I am aware that your experience with your mother seems very similar to mine with my father. So I am also hearing your situation and experience as well.

The time on the forum, and computer in general, seems to be an escape for both of us in some ways. A useful escape, but also a distraction from other things internally, and sometimes, in our environment, family and socially. I think that it is a matter of prioritising and apportioning time, in realistic ways, to achieve our goals

I have just yesterday, made use of you-tube on the phone, to which I will also have to be cautious about self-limiting my access.

You are correct in the walking aspect. I use two staves for walking any distance. These help me to maintain balance and walk with a more upright gait than I would with one. So, really any walking is difficult. However, I cannot allow that to be a reason for not doing so, for the reasons we have discussed. It is too easy to let something go, and even now I am becoming aware of the possible difficulty in recovering, if I let it go any further.

My aim now is to allocate specific times for various activities, both sedentary and active, so that I balance the time that I devote to each activity. And giving Kirra, my dog, more enjoyment in exercise is also a motive – part of her training as well, and maybe mine too. Yesterday, I bought a harness for her which I hope will be more comfortable than a lead on the collar. In writing this down, to share with you, I am making a commitment to doing so.

I am pleased that the information regarding the Schema therapy was of interest to you. I will check out Jess O'Garr's videos also. Just looking at the way that Jess conveys the information – short preview – seems clear and pleasantly presented.

Thursday morning's singing is at the residential aged care centre where Mum was for the last 3 years. It took me more than 18 months before I could feel comfortable returning there. I am ok now, and feel that I am welcomed by residents, most of whom I know to some degree, and staff. Also the other members of the singing group indicate that they miss my presence if I am not able to attend.

I do understand your observation about my “Henry Rush” side and will endeavour to find and develop that element of my character. I had initially written “work at finding...” but that sounded as if it would be more effort and not be fun anyway, thereby defeating the goal.

This afternoon I spoke with the departmental reps about the idea of a “collective quote”. They said that they would pass it up their line and I made the same approach to the shire office. It will need to be put in writing to both entities, which I will do. So, we shall see what happens.

Thank you again for your responses Meggle and very much appreciate your thoughts and ideas.

With Best Wishes

HenryX Rush

@HenryX

Having just read your post I wonder if making out a time management schedule would help you. One like I used to have when at University. Basically you put everything on it and it can be colour coded. This might help you to achieve more balance in your life. I definitely would like to encourage you to get walking despite the difficulties. I think it won't take too long for you to notice a difference. It is interesting to me that although we are a good 20 years apart in age that we share so many similarities. This posted accidentally - be right back

Meggle

@HenryX

Continued from last post...

Your willingness to pursue counseling has helped me to make the decision to pursue the trauma therapy side of things that I need. So you can feel good about that. Your experience has made a difference to me. I spoke to the clinic yesterday and they said that the psychologist will be phoning me to make an appointment in the next week or two. I have watched a lot of Jess O'Garr's YouTube's but not all of them. She is a very pleasant presenter and easy to understand. She breaks the concepts down but not so much as to make you feel like she is talking down to you. It has made some things that my psychologist has previously worked on me with make more sense. I too enjoy researching and getting a full understanding of a particular topic especially if it interests me or relates to me in some way. I am particularly intelligent (sorry if that sounds up myself) and enjoy studying. I would have finished a Nursing degree some years ago had it not been for my illness. I completed the first year as a double degree and got a number of distinctions and high distinctions. I wish I could study now but hubby is unemployed so can't even attempt another try. I applied for UWA and was accepted last year but then hubby was made redundant so I deferred for a year. I was supposed to accept the offer for this semester starting 19th July so I am kinda down in the mouth about that at the moment. I have been putting off sending them an official email declining the offer so they keep sending me emails asking if I am ready to accept the offer which is making matters worse. Sorry I can't remember what else you addressed in your post I will go back and read it again....

Meggle

@HenryX

Ah the singing- I am glad that you have an activity that you enjoy that gets you out of the house and helps you to be a little bit socially active. It's really nice that you still have that connection to your Mother. Even though she is no longer there it gives you the opportunity to still be around others and members of staff that you would have been familiar with whilst she was here with you. I am not surprised it took you so long to go back but good on you for doing so.

I don't want you to feel bad about so called 'imposing' on me. I very much enjoy our conversations and consider you a friend of mine. I know we haven't known each other that long but despite that I do feel like I know you quite well. I recognise a lot of myself in you if that makes any sense at all. I value our friendship and you help me to not feel so lonely. Thank you for your thoughtful responses. Sometimes I feel inadequate because I don't have enough to say in comparison to your posts but I think I have made up for that today.

Meggle

Hi @Oaktree

You are not only intelligent but also have a good memory to be able to respond to your recollection of my post. You are right about time planning and management. A schedule is my next step. An expression of mine is that you can't change a plan if there is no plan to change. Neither can I adhere to a non-existent plan.

The walking is a definite. I did manage ok yesterday with quite a few changes of stores, but I was conscious of tension particularly in the upper front muscles that actually lift the leg in walking. I've really taken it “on notice” as a warning. And I believe that you are correct in that, while I still have reasonably good muscle mass, I need to take action before that starts to deteriorate.

Yes, it was apparent from early in our discussions that there were a significant number of similarities in our background and experiences, apart from gender. I really think that it is not that surprising to find in a group of people, such as those on the forums, that we would find at least one, and possibly a number of people with whom we find common ground. There are others on the forum with whom I recognise similarities, however, I believe that you and I are the closest that I recognise. There are likewise considerable differences in; past residential locations,

gender; father, son & mother, daughter; family situation and development, etc, etc. The similarities seem to be in the types of experiences and the consequent effects on our life paths, challenges and difficulties. I suppose, even the fact that it was the parent of the same gender that gave us reason for believing that our difficulties stemmed or originated in our relationship with that person, is a similarity.

I am pleased that the discussion about my counselling experience has stimulated an interest for you in seeking the most appropriate style of therapy for your needs. I was conscious that there may have been sufficient connection to develop the thoughts and concerns that you had already expressed about types of therapy and, or counselling. So I was aware that you were in some way considering how you might look for a path forward. I was also aware that you were concerned, as I have likewise stated, about the consequences if, In both our situations, we didn't make some sort of decision about addressing our similar concerns. I really just felt that we were, in fact, walking a similar track.

I am looking forward to checking Jess Ogarr's videos. I did have a look at a couple of minutes, so that I would be able to give you some feedback on my impressions. It's as though she is walking along the path with you, pointing out what she knows to be there as if she is wanting to share that information with the viewer. As you say, not as if talking down from a position of authority or power. I believe that is important for a guide, such as she, to maintain credibility and assurance of good faith. I likewise have found a number of different styles in which each have their strong points.

Another presenter, in addition to Jess O'Garr and Dr Kim Sage, to whom I have previously referred, and in a very different style is "Therapy in a Nutshell" presented by Emma McAdam. Some of the supporting information is, I find, quite interesting, and the presentation has rather an wholeistic

approach. Also a very different style of presentation from the other people.

I think also, like you, that I am intelligent and, were I able to focus on a narrower field of interest, I would have been more academically successful. I think that it is reasonable to know oneself well enough to be able to have a perception of one's own level of intelligence in relation to others. The observation has been made, by a counsellor, that the dissonance between ability and accomplishment has very likely been the cause of significant frustration for me. That is an observation with which I totally agree.

With regard to your studies, I wonder, is there any sort of bursary or method by which you could have your studies subsidised. It may be worth speaking with a student counsellor before declining your offer of a place at UWA. Someone did mention NILS (No Interest Loans Scheme) on the forum. I have added some details at the end of this page. It is obviously something that would need to be considered carefully with “Hubby”. And I have no idea how far it would go towards your study program, but even if it started you off part-time and you had the option to change if/when circumstances improved, it may enable you to take advantage of the place offered. There is also Austudy

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/services/centrelink/austudy

That may assist in deciding on directions. However, you may already be aware of any, or all of these options.

For now, I'll send this off and hope that you and your family are all well.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryXRush

https://www.wanils.com.au/loans/

WA NO INTEREST LOANS SCHEME

One step forward, two steps back. Unfortunately this is the reality for many low income earners when it comes to applying for and managing credit.

WA NILS is a not for profit organisation here to keep you moving forward. We grant small loans at 0% interest to help those who need it most

• 0% interest

• Loans from $200 to $1,500

• Loans for a varied range of products and services

• Repaid Loans go back into the community

STEPUP LOANS

StepUP is a low interest loan for people who have difficulty accessing credit from a bank. The program is a not-for-profit initiative between Good Shepherd Microfinance and National Australia Bank (NAB) who provide money for the loans.

The loan is by local community organisations (WA NILS in Western Australia) where StepUP microfinance workers assist applicants to collect verification documents and complete the application for assessment at NAB

• Low 5.99% p.a. fixed interest* and no additional fees

• Loans from $800 to $3,000

• Loans for a varied range of products and services