I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Hi @Historylover .

I'll keep this brief, but I just wanted you to know that I have read your post and appreciate your well-wishes.

As you alluded to in another post to @AussieRecharger, discussions here can be exhausting and TBH, I'm not really up for heavy posting at the moment; especially as we seem to be wading into some weighty subject matter in the conversation. So I won't reply in-depth. At least not right now.

Hello @chibam

I hope that I did not frighten you with my response of further discussion. Hopefully you are stating that you need at this moment to step back from further discussion around points previously raised.

I do hope that this is the case and at the same time want to let you know that is (as is currently referred to) self- awareness.

Graciously done I might add as well.

Thank you from myself as this I understand from my own experience here on the forums.

Take care chibam. Will not alert you again or whatever the terminology is.

Hello @Historylover @AussieRecharger @Former-Member @saltandpepper

I am here now and am aware that after the event that I attended today, I am not in the best space to respond.

I resonated with so many different comments from all of you and did want to write my own feelings at the same time acknowledging everyone else.

I am actually quite drained.

Attending the event was as I suspected, an experience of dealing with egotistic, self-centred people.

Yet I also experienced warm welcomes from many and to the dismay of the try hards, those who hold a long term name in property and substance were the ones who invited me to join their table. They welcomed me with open arms.

This of course upset the try hards.

There is a famous quotation which my father used to use which I will not quote as I am sure many of you might be familiar with.

Tonight for me was an affirmation of
"how do people relate to you? are you genuinely friendly regardless of status, birthright, land ownership, materialism?

I was there on my own, yet the ones who were born into money not attained money were the ones who welcomed me with open arms as they remembered all of the conversations and time spent listening to them that I had given them without a moments thought.

This is what life is about.

Celebrating the loss of someone at the same time, that feeling of not fitting in and yet finding accepted by the very people who the try hards aim to please. I had just spent the time talking and listening to them over the years.

I am no saint.

I am humane.

I do hope that I can find you again as confusion reigns in my mind constantly at the moment.

Please tag me as this is an interesting as well as, a very relevant subject that affects such a large majority of people, some not even being aware of this.

I am frightened to tag anyone in case I offend.

Ridiculous really when you consider the inflated personalities that I confronted today.,

This however, is a subject, close to heart and has been detrimental in holding me back for the better part of my life.

Take care all regardless of whether you respond or not

You are important

You matter

Sophia

Hi @Historylover @chibam @Sophia1

Hopefully, you all slept well and are feeling recharged today. Looking forward to seeing where the discussion goes.

I have deleted the post @chibam and thought further on it - especially regarding him. I just wish I could resolve it, but perhaps that I can't was his intention. Take care.

@Sophia1 @Historylover

I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I was upset or frightened or whatever by your posts. That's not the case at all. It was just that the conversation was wading in to some deep territory about societal issues, economics, ect. and to respond to it with the level of thought it deserved would've meant a lengthier session sitting in front of my computer typing then I was prepared to do.

I had no problems with the subject matter we were discussing. It's just that sometimes, your just not up to doing lots and lots of reading & writing, you know?

@Sophia1Please don't be worried about tagging me in posts. If you have something you want to say, I don't mind being notified.

@HistoryloverSorry to hear that you've hit another low point with your perception of your therapist. But you don't have anything to apologize for, in terms of making that other post, and I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty about it or obliged to delete it. That certainly was never my intention. If you thought the things in there were important to say, then you have every right to say them.

I wish I could give you some measure of clarity with regards to your therapist. I know you are hungry for it.

All I can say is that I know for a fact that there are some real monsters in the mental health system. I met 2 of them, and considdering I only seriously engaged with 2 therapists, that is saying something - either about my extraordinary bad luck, or the deplorable state of the system. Perhaps a bit of both.

Beyond that, I feel I have to say that, whatever the rationale behind it, I really don't think it's right for a therapist to abandon a patient in a state of such confusion, leaving them to figure out what happened all by themselves. Even if he did abandon you to fend for yourself as some sort of "character building" maneuver, there are much better, much more helpful ways of pursing that end. You shouldn't be so confused about what's happened to you. Any half-decent therapist wouldn't do that to a patient, they would do everything in their power to make sure the patient understood what was going on and go out of their way to make the process as comfortable as possible for the patient.

I know that you have times where you are immensely grateful for your treatment. But IMHO, him leaving you in the state that he has, without fair justification (e.g. personal tragedy, ect.), is completely unforgivable.

It's probably not my place to tell you how to feel about your own therapist, so I'm very sorry if I've overstepped my bounds.

I just hope you are doing well today.

Hello @chibam A reasonably good day today. You hit the nail on the head when you said he shouldn't have broken off with me that way. It had been so very damaging after he had protected me at every turn previously, had never shown exasperation, anger, had never gone off the boil for any reason. Then such a devastating wham! And the annoying thing is - I just can't resolve it. Never mind, I'm not going to complain further.

Today is a going to be a good day. You didn't overstep in any way. I thought I had overloaded you with my problems as sometimes others' problems on top of our own can be just too much.

I hope you're doing alright. Take care.