Feeling confused and scared.

@Gwynn yes I am safe at the moment. I am trying hard to just take some time tonight but i am still feeling bad. thanks for taking the time to reply.

I've seen and had a bunch of experiences with "intrusions" but it's always a bit tricky to advise, because everyone's devil is different.

Using the spiritual lense I would say, even the seed of sanctuary is a start. A nice little protection light can start at any size and then it just needs the water of love to grow. I'd probably also say every battle is also an exercise in diplomacy, meaning there's probably some kind of a more "integrated" version of what the manifestations are trying to communicate (having said that they could probably stand to receive communication re: boundaries).

Sounds like you got a bunch going on in your life. That can make it a bit harder to find your anchors but it also makes every bit of anchoring more important. (I'm telling this to myself as well (kind of on the tail end of a nervous attack)). There's actually a great TED talk about stress and health. Shorthand version is, stress can produce oxytocin if two criteria are met.

1. It's worth it.

2. The support is there.

With enough oxytocin in the system you heal yourself while you run. It's everyone's optimal efficiency (if you rate oxytocin and a lot of people do). Also, value and support are pretty good guides in general when you're working your path.

Hey @Eden1919 thinking of you.

I hope you are riding the waves ok.

@frog Thanks

I am still struggling quite a bit at the moment but trying to keep up.

Good on you @Eden1919 you are a survivor x

@frog thanks again

I am having a hard day today I havent been able to do anything and i am feeling very scared and sad and off again and i dont know how to calm down and i am just having a really bad day i guess. maybe today is a write off and i just need to try and do some self care tonight and hope tomorrow is better but i just feel so annoyed with myself because i have so much work to do and i just feel so incompetent right now like i cant seem to get anything right or do anything properly. i am trying so hard to make things work and i know that i have limits but it is just so frustrating. i want to scream and cry but if i start i may not stop.

I am tired today and i want to cry, i didnt sleep and something inside me is just screaming and it wont stop. i am trying to keep positive and get all my stuff done but i dont feel ok. i miss them my pets and my family and some of my friends. i miss being able to plan things to be able to feel sure of something anything. and i thought i was hungry that the sick twisty feeling inside me was hunger but now i think maybe i am just craving the feeling of safety and security which is something i cannot consume. i just feel horrible and now i am crying and i dont know anymore i feel like this is all my fault.

Hello @Eden1919

Things sound so hard for you atm. I just wanted to say that it's not your fault. You did not create all the difficult circumstances, and the things you are craving are completely reasonable.

A couple of days ago you mentioned self care. That's always a good place to start. The worse I feel the harder it is to make a start on that, but sometimes I can pick just one thing that comforts me and build from there.

Thinking of you x

@frog thanks i am trying to do what little self care i can but i am sturggling.

yesterday i spent the whole day crying and then today i could hardly get out of bed and i just feel horrible i am not sleeping and i am tired but i cant sleep and everything is a mess i have so much uni work to do and i havent managed to do any of it the lat 2 days and i have 2 things due tomorrow i havent started and i want to scream and i keep hearing stuff and there is so much going on and i am too scared to tell anyone what is going on with everything because last time i tried to tell someone this it got me into a lot of trouble and nearly destroyed me and i cant risk that again so i have to keep my mouth shut.