Have been hiding in the shadows for a while

You have a good relationship with your wife as I said that's a strength as well as your insight.In regards to my situation,I avoid talking to people due to the impact mental health eg unemployment ,shame etc .I avoid people I know and value as stated privacy and respect.If I do talk to anyone it's "hi how you going?".I avoid any confrontation but I have also changed in that I will now tell them off.I used to be a very obese child /early adulthood person who people,including family thought you needed to be told you were fat.We give too much power to these pathetic people and the impact can last a lifetime.Family can be difficult as well in mine they think s*** stirring me is fun .Seen a relative in a shopping centre last week as well who agitated me with his comments.He and others get off on making me angry not realizing everyday Im going through utter feelings of hopelessness and suicidal thoughts.You grow up letting yourself being defined by these idiots who thinks it's OK to put you down or put crap on you to make them feel better about themselves .I often flee and have alienated myself from family and people,simply because I can't handle them or worried what comes out of their mouth will cause me harm like several days depression.I don't have the energy for these people when I am struggling within.It takes a toll on your mental health when you have learned to be in "fight or flight "response through negative reinforcement in life experiences.I have learnt who is genuine and who isnt,but find the hypocrisy of human nature too much.
I wish these people could walk in my shoes and my mindset for five minutes before they open their mouths.You never know how anyone is struggling within.Not too mentioned how they tell you that "you are too sensitive"....no wonder we get messed up .

Hi again MrAlias,
Sorry if you have read my posts this morning.Still learning the ropes. I wrote this on my mobile phone but sent a message saying it failed.Did not realise it posted it. Please read the one below.This was written on PC.Very similiar to this one.
Cheers, Ms78_

Hi again MrAlias,

I think anyone will be honest about what you have mentioned and I would imagine that work situations like the one you mentioned has been experienced quite a bit.

You have those workers that shoot off the mouth and move on. You have workers that love to bite.They wait and they wait and when you try to defend yourself, passionate yet frustrated, but may come across as if you were being unstable and aggressive.Unprofessional.

My partner lost his job.He was the boss, the other guy was a nuisance. For 2 years he tried to make his boss seem intimidating yet he was the intimidator. Stirred him up in private so when other staff were around, he hoped my partner lost his temper. He did because HQ did not see evidence of this bullying. A boss being bullied equated to my partner looking inadequate for the role of a manager. It went to court.

Big company told him to settle. His lost that job.Now he wished he had taken him out to the car park and biffed him. Would of lost job but would of not gone through depression and anxiety and stress.It nearly took his life.

He fixated on this guy for so long, it started to destroy the goodness in him.

.Being 58yrs old, its taken him 9 years to even let that anger go.He still has depression and anxiety. But he has his own list of people, not to forgive but to realise they are no longer have a hold over him.But that guy won in the end.The destroyer wasn't lying in bed feeling like crap over what he said.He moved on to someone else which got him finally fired. 9 years is a long time to let 1 person of no real importance dominate your every thought.

I think Anger is the explosive result from really having trouble expressing other emotions and if you physically try to restrain from that , then I think Anger is justified. I think its how you release, just like me with the tears. I can tell myself not to react but the tears come.You didnt hit this person.Trust me, thats a start.

I share this with you because I have seen the devastation of work conflicts.You are obviously a great guy.

You are concerned about your actions.You are not a terrible person.This happens to many people.Most people change jobs.But not everyone can do that,it does not work for everybody, most are just running from one job to another.

Revenge, however is crippling. Revenge is the ultimate grenade, I think anyway.Revenge sits and waits for anger to simmer. Then you plot. My partner one night was that desperate to attack the guy who ruined his life, he had gone out and bought sealant.He was going to seal up all his car doors. The guy had just got a new car.No BS. I managed to stop him.

Words can hurt and lead to devastion.These type of people who cause our brains to fixate, rarely will say they are sorry. They don't .They sleep at night, we don't. Most just laugh if you tell them what they said was mean, telling us to get over it.Another frustrating comment.

Many of them don't get fired or told off at work. If they do this to us, then more then likely they do it to others. I think eventually, I would like to think people start seeing them the way we do.It might take years but these type of people can't help themselves.

Be the better person.Hard, very, but so rewarding when it can be acheived.

If you think you are pulling the victim card god help me!laugh

I got sick from workplace stress 4 years ago.I worked in a factory where you felt knives in your shoulder blades,people didn't talk,especially when you work with a heap of women,I could not go and work in different areas of the shed due to hostility.As well the Manager at the time was a complete idiot who I only had to look at to get agitated.I was on my own one day and he came up to me and said "You know,you need to remove that frown from your forehead!".I was always one who did their job and was and still am a quiet person.I left through the troublemaking of young adults and after twenty years with not once a letter of warning or trouble and known for not missing a day's work I felt I was kicked out the door.For a long time when I worked in that factory I would go to the toilet and have trouble peeing due to the stress I felt like a child who is in trauma.Putting up with different personalities and egos'In the workplace is very hard.I locked myself away from the world for a few years and as mentioned .It takes it toll to work in a hostile workplace environment.If you are high on values such as respect,trust,teamwork etc it is hard to accept that the policies,and values are just ideologies and not practiced in the workplace to your standard or to a acceptable level.

I am the same with family ,haven't spoke to one sister for 15 years,the other sister longer.The psychologist last week asked me if I started speaking to any family I said"No ,and I I won't apologize to anyone!".Once someone does something to me I cannot forgive or forget and it agitated me no end.

Yes Mr Alias you do need to do something .I don't want you to end up like me.I don't tolerate any nonsense and get annoyed how policies such as those on bullying ,and respect mean nothing in real life.

You sound like you are a perfectionist,who expects a high standard of yourself and others.Once people like the guy you mentioned know how to push your buttons,they will delight in riding your back if you let them.I have missed out on four years wages,through mental illness and not being a survivor in the workplace.I am worried about your "hit list" as it's catastrophic thinking which could be your downfall.As you know I am speaking of experience as I can relate to you 100 percent because it's on very similar lines to myself.

@MrAlias550,

you are not a terrible person, in fact, you are very far from it.

As for your interaction with your work-mate; the question "was I unjustified in being angry?" could be replaced with the question "What would I like to do with my anger?"

Anger in a normal and natural reaction to having your boundaries transgressed. Everyone gets angry, even those people who never show it. It is a very good sign that you recognise your anger and that you can explain where it is coming from.

Anger is neither justified nor unjustified. Just as happiness, sadness and jealousy, etc, are neither justified nor unjustified. They are emotions that simply exist - they come and they go- and they tell us something about ourselves in the process.

You were angry because you felt dismissed and ignored by your work-mate and his fippant reply- "we will just have to agree to disagree." It wasn't an especially disrespectful reply, but it made you angry.

What can you do about it? There are plenty of options. You could ask to see your work-mate after work and have a heart-to-heart chat with him about what bothers you as far as your work-place procedures. Give examples of where you felt mistrusted treated like a child. Point out which policies bother you the most and suggest constructive changes. This is just one example of what you might like to do. When you make a clear decision about how you want to handle the situation, you might feel less angry and more motivated.

Or you might decide you want to leave that job, and start writing applications for new jobs straight away. This is just another option. There are probably many more things you could decide to do.

It's so important to understand that you have the power within you to change your situation, turn things around and make constructive decisions. Use your anger and you will master it- rather than your anger turning inwards against you!

In relation to your doctor's appointment it's your decision on your direction on this because you are the best one to decide on your mental health plan.You can either find a psychologist yourself or go to the doctor who generally refers you a psychologist ,who works in with the doctor if they feel you need medication probably antidepressants if depression or anxiety exist.You may/may not just need counselling.If you aren't comfortable with this person or feel it's not helping go elsewhere, as like everything else in life you have to shop around.For example,I went to a psychologist once and after the second visit,when I got distressed he didn't know what to do it was obvious,and other things I realised he was more stuffed in the head than me!lol
I can see your point in writing because when someone hurts me I don't give them a second chance,memory like a elephant.Its easy for people to say get another job,I couldn't.All I can say is try and hang in there and work out a mental health plan to keep you and Mrs Alias safe.👫