Just a vent

Hi @bipolarbunny

Yes can identify with most of what you've said. I'll check out the book - thank's for the tip.

Cheers

HenryX

Hi @Dimity

I hear you on no contact being better than open conflict. Every time I'm around my family it's like walking on eggshells waiting for the yolk to explode. Covid was a godsend for me in someways because my brothers couldn't visit. Not that they visit much now anyway, but it kept them away and it was a lot easier dealing with my mother without them manipulating me through her. I honestly have no love left for any of them. I tried so hard over the years to fit in, to be the sister they wanted but it was never good enough. But I now see it is they who are not good enough to be in my life. I always thought it was better to have the family I had than none at all. I didn't want to be alone. But therapy has helped me realise I've been alone my entire life. I don't need them. I don't even need the thought of them anymore. I avoid contact as much as I can now, but like you say, the hurt runs deep and I'm thinking some deep wounds take a life time to heal. In the meantime my meds have been adjusted and I have my bike and running shoes to burn off the negatives.
Hope you have a good night my friend. xx

BB ❤️🐰

Hi @LostAngel

thanks for the support, I definitely can understand being scapegoated by family. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that too. It's definitely a lot easier confiding in strangers. When it's family there's an expectation they will be there for you and when they aren't it's just crushing. I'm afraid I have no more to give my family. There's only so many times your heart can be broken and I'm at my limit. I wish you well my friend. xx

BB 🐰❤️

Hey @Bunniekins

We have a few things in common. My father was an alcoholic too, but it wasn't until I moved back home that I realised that was his escape from my mother. He was bipolar too, undiagnosed but he suffered greatly with mood swings. He saw active service in the war so he battled ptsd also. My whole life I was made to believe by my mother that he was a monster, but he wasn't. He was a good man who was emasculated and screamed at daily by his wife. His sons hated him. He really had a terribly sad life. I feel for him every day. That's why I want out. I just want to know some peace. xx

BB 🐰❤️

Hi @bipolarbunny, that sounds like a really rough situation. I'm sorry to hear about your father. The pain is completely understandable, but if it gets too much, I really want to encourage you to reach out for a little extra support- there's Lifeline (13 11 14) or Sane's Helpcentre (1800 18 7263) is also open until 10pm if you'd just like to speak to someone 1:1 non-urgently. Take care 🌼

@bipolarbunny yes alcohol is a dreadful thing. Even talking about it makes me miss it (I am a recovering alcoholic) self medicated my bipolar and other problems with it but now havent had any for must be 4 years now :). Ptsd just wasnt understood as well back then as it is now particularly for those in the armed forces.My son2's psychologist specialises in ptsd as he is ex army and helps many with the mental illness. Being the only daughter amongst aggressive male siblings must have been awful. Let alone being so let down by a narsessistic mother..... amazing what people cope with. I am really happy that you have found us :). Love peaxx

@Bunniekins Thanks Pea, wow 4 years sobriety is awesome, good for you!! I don't drink. I was always fearful I'd end up like my father. Food has been my addiction. I have BED, but I am recovering and starting to learn to cope with other healthier methods. I do a lot of cycling, running & swimming now. I ended up doing a 90 min ride last night which helped keep the frustration from spilling over into rage. I'm looking forward to taking my meds tonight, hopefully they will knock me out. xx

@TideisTurning Thank you for the support. I'm doing better tonight, I saw my pdoc today and have had my meds adjusted. Plus I've been training a lot to get a healthy dose of endorphins. I have both LifeLine & the SANE number in my phone if need be. But thank you for touching base with me. xx

@bipolarbunny o0o0o0ooo... what is BED? Good on you with all the exercising. Maybe you could motivate me :D. I went through a period prior to diagnosis and being manic of running and exercising too much and lost too much weight now I am a round and chubby pea .... I would like to reach a happy medium.

@Bunniekins BED is b*nge eating disorder. Oh yeah I understand the fluctuations in weight. Prior to being diagnosed I used to teach martial arts. I had the best abs, lol, but then I quit training when I had my breakdown. I turned into a kung fu panda. I've been trying to get fit since, but the bipolar has made it hard. I've been back consistently working out now for five weeks and feel so much better. I want to do an Ironman triathlon which is completely nuts, but training has really helped my depression & anxiety so I might as well put it towards a goal. I'm an all or nothing type personality so I wanted a big challenge to get me off the couch. Plus the training keeps me at the gym and out of nmums crosshairs!

@bipolarbunny Good on you re triathalons. @Ant7 does triathalons. I trained up for a marathon and made it half way through then legs turned to jelly (just over trained). @Meowmy runs. Now that the weather is getting cooler I might get oiut and about more.