When will he realise his in hospital for help

Hi again @Talita . A bit to get through in that post.

I'm a little unclear about some aspects of your situation.

Has your boyfriend been actually asking you for financial support for the past 5 years, or have you just been assuming that he 'needs' financial support and so you've been heaping it on him? Because if, as you say, he just wants to live in a tent, then I can't see why he would need an awful lot of financial support for that.

Is it possible that you've all been throwing money at him for 5 years and, while you percieve that money as a debt/investment that ought to be repaid in financial/material terms, he might percieve that money as worthless and/or an obstacle that's gotten in the way of what he wants?

You say that you are "running on empty" - that you have no money left to give him. Does he understand that? How does he feel about that? Does he mind that you won't be giving him any more money, or is he okay with that? Is he the one in distress that he no longer has any money supply, or are you the only ones who are distressed about it? Would a future of bankruptcy and/or homelessness be satisfying for him? (It is for some)

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@Talita wrote:

..he doesn't believe in a job,

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Why do you think he should? What benefit do you believe he will recieve from having a job? What I read in your post seems to suggest you are only focussed on how him having a job will be beneficial for you, i.e. it will allow him to help you with bills. But what does he get out of it? Money, I guess you will say. But what use is money to him? Is there something he wants to buy? Or are you just imposing expectations upon him that you know have a financial cost and that you expect him to fund himself (despite the fact that they are things that you, not he, wants)?

Is that the reason he exists? To be an additional financial income stream for the rest of you? And even if you don't believe this is your attitude, then is it unreasonable for him to percieve that this is your attitude towards him? Are your relationships with him predominantly dominated by your dissatisfaction with him being unable to make money?

BTW, it's been a long time since I've been in the system myself, but when I was a patient, they didn't arrange employment for patients that needed jobs; that was all left to the friends and family, ect. to sort out. There's been talk recently about incorporating a proper employment system into the mental health system, but I don't think that's been properly enacted yet. So you might find that the system won't even help him with employment at all.

I must admit, I get confused when I read:

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@Talita wrote:

we are not trying to change him.

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because in the rest of your post, I see numerous expressions of displeasure about his behavior and inclinations.

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@Talita wrote:

We just want him to be independent

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he doesn't believe in a job

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He would rather live in a tent then get a job

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he has a brilliant mind and want him to make use of it

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...so, as I understand it... you want him to be 'independant'; to not live in a tent (and prefer not to live in a tent); and to believe that having a job is not only beneficial, but also important; to be more fixated on "making a living"; and to be committed to 'making use of his brilliant mind'... all of which is apparently contrary to how you would describe him as he is at the moment.

How is this not trying to change him? I'm very confused.

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@Talita wrote:

Morning, @chibam @ thank you for your comments, you actually sound exactly like him.

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Well, I can't relate to him entirely. For example, the whole "living in a tent" thing, I just don't see the appeal of. Frankly, I personally would rather be six foot under. But in many other ways, I think I can relate to your boyfriend's concerns & grievances.

I hope I can provide some helpful insight, but keep in mind that I am not him. Just because I say something, doesn't mean that that accurately reflects his attitudes.

Good night @chibam

Maybe I don't want him to live in s tent, cause that would mean id have to..Maybe I want him to earn an income cause that mean sharing bills...maybe I am trying to change him..Which means we don't have anything in common .. I just don't understand why you would continue to live with your Dad , and abuse them constantly, but won't leave them..5 years with them, I joined the last 2 yrs..we all live together.

And they put him in a hospital because he was been abusive..they could have sent him to jail.. but obviously the hospital isn't helping, so he may need some other help, of which we don't know..or let him live in a tent..sink or swim ? Cause that's were he will end up if he continues his behaivour

I had my first psychotic break at 36.

When I read your post I immediately assumed that it was a drug induced psychosis otherwise you wouldn't even be mentioning work. You would be more concerned with his recovery if it was an organic psychosis.

You can recover from psychosis but it takes months if not a couple of years. It took me 18-24 months to recover. I had a young support worker this year who told me about her own experience with it, she was way younger than me, about 17 when she had her first psychosis, and it still took her 10 months. That is fast.

When you are in psychosis you literally feel like your brain is in a microwave and you have terrifying 'blackout' like experiences where you not only go in and out of reality, you go in and out of consciousness. They aren't really blackouts but it is hard to find language that a person that has never experienced it can understand. When you are in that state any one any where could do what ever they want to your body and you wouldn't remember it.

If it is drug addiction I really don't think getting a job will change much. It will give him more money for drugs. I think you are waiting for him to choose drugs over you.

My 2 cents

Corn dog.

When I was young I met bright people in Nimbin who chose to live in tents or huts. There are so many different ways to live. My little brother managed to accumulate houses, got ahead, and then did not work full time.

I agree that sharing bills is important part of growing up and that can still be expected while on benefits, and living at home. Living at home allowances are usually lower, some people leave because of that. Some people stay home for longer these days.

If partner and parents are ganging up on him, he may feel trapped and betrayed.

You say he is brilliant. What field? has he studied? Psychosis is serious and then there are med side effects ... a lot of patience is needed. My ex surpirsed the staff in hospital by going for a job interview from the ward. There are all types.

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@Talita wrote:

Good night @chibam

Maybe I don't want him to live in s tent, cause that would mean id have to.

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That's a good first step. Relationships are all about compromise and it is absolutely fair for you to let him know that you really don't want to live in a tent and to ask him to opt to live with you in a house/apartment/ect. for your sake. Just so long as you are all honest about the fact that it is a concession that he is making.

Maybe one of the big issues he has with making that sacrifice is the fact that others refuse to acknowledge that it will be a sacrifice? And instead they choose to nonsensically insist that forcing him to make that sacrifice is a gesture of "helping" him. It would be like the power companies insisting that their customers should be grateful to them for raising their power bills.

But if you are willing to acknowledge the sacrifice, maybe he will be more inclined to respect it's importance to you, and do it to please you.

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@Talita wrote:

I just don't understand why you would continue to live with your Dad , and abuse them constantly, but won't leave them..5 years with them

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Does he have anywhere else to go?

Maybe he hates living there, but he hasn't been given any offers or directions or advice on where else he could live.

And the trouble is, too, that even if he did get reassigned to a new address, is that reassignment being done with his needs and aspirations in mind? Or will it be done solely from the point-of-view of someone who is just looking to quickly and carelessly assign him any random four walls with a roof to sleep in? Because he'll probably only get one shot at being reassigned a new residance, so he'll probably be really anxious about it being a complete disaster - from his point of view. And if he's had a lot of difficulty getting genuine help from the rest of the world for so long, no doubt those anxieties will only be that much larger.

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@Talita wrote:

I joined the last 2 yrs..we all live together.

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As I said earlier, there's a lot about your boyfriend's situation that I can't relate to. I don't have the benefit of a girlfriend myself, so obviously that's gonna create a major differance between the dynamics of his situation and mine.

Maybe it would help to get him to talk about his ideal "home" situation, and work towards making that a reality?

Who does he want to be a mainstay in his life? Who does he want to get out of his life?

If he must sacrifice his dream of living in a tent, then what sort of dwelling is his 2nd choice? And 3rd? And 4th?

Can he describe the environment/community he'd most like to live amongst? Who does he want to spend his days with? What does he want to spend his days doing? What does he expect from the community around him and what does he want to contribute to that community? What sort of standards does he want to live amongst? What does he wish to be able to say and do without being looked down upon by those around him? What sort of characteristics does he wish were more commonplace amongst those around him, so that he could have people to bond with over those shared attitudes/interests?

Hope all is well.

@Corny morning

Basically the doctor saying it's more his personality but his on medication for psychosis..I generally think it's more PTSD, cause of repeated stress and trauma over 10yrs and think he may just had a break down which triggered his physcosis..regardless they said he can come out of hospital but just feeling anxcious and don't want to live with his verbal abuse constantly with his family ..they said Its more counselling he needs.. as he also had charged over his head for assault on his father which is another problem for him..in a way I am waiting..which may take years probably of recovery..

@chibam Hi

Thank you , your message has got me thinking quite a bit. Just looking at the situation from the outside I know 3 things ;

1. He hates living with his Dad as he doesn't seem to have anywhere to go. Centre link gave him a payout 7yrs ago for his car accident and they won't assist him now for a while..

2. He blames his father and brother for stealing all his money during a period in his life 6yrs ago, where he thought his ex wife was out to get him with her secret society group.. A story they think was delusional and it remains with him now. As he also says sometimes to; we ganged up to steal his money with his wife..etc..I only met him 2 yrs ago, so he sometimes thinks I'm part of the cult as well. And sometimes ask me why I entered his life. When he was the one who came to my country and saved me from an domestic violent situation where I almost got killed. I met him in a different place and in two months after meeting him I ran away from my abusive ex of 15yrs.....So here I am..In his country and thinking what do I do now to help us..

3. He says his family owe him and must help him..he has no one else..His totally broke. Now I come in the pic and got caught up in it and seem lost and not sure what direction to take.

4. I also learnt he had a gambling addiction, and was a heavy spender and lived life up a bit with his ex wife. Something he doesn't show with me..maybe cause he doesnt have money..only that his loving and caring when his not angry about his past

Hospital said they will release him, as they can't do much .he needs outside counselling..we hope his arrest charges for assault on his father don't become a bigger problem...I guess that's all the help we got right now..waiting for them to release him back and figure it out from there.

I think writing about it now seems so clearer in my head in a way..Your questions has given me alot to think about and discuss with him..when his not spaced out from medics and isn't agitated..as a simple conversation sometimes turns into world war 3..😏 which causes me to avoid talking ..I'm not good with conflict and avoid it..it's my nature..which doesn't help me I guess..

I feel like I'm rambling on..but yeah.. that's where I'm at..

Have a good day

@chibam I also wanted to add that I'm doing well here.. I'm working and picking up the pieces something I'm proud off..very hard to start all over again. The family had been in accommodating me and taking care of me whilst I was jobless..so now I'm helping them in return to share bills....but I guess what more can I do , as the man I care about seems to be falling apart in front of me and I can't fix it..dont know how to..

Ok..Yeah.. gotta go..ive said enough..so much I wanted to say, I guess..so much I keep inside and looking at a brighter tomorrow with hope and faith.🙏