FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

The absolute horror that my life currently is.

The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia @Zoe7

I think this is the only thing that is going to really save me and barely. Writing. I don't know what to say anymore. I am blocking my thoughts and feelings because I cant deal with them. I want to scream at her and say can you not just be a little bit more sensitive and shut your door while you are packing more and taping up your boxes! When I think of saying that to her, my immediate afterthought is no point, she will not care anyway. There will be no sorry nor recognition of what I am feeling. Then the very next thing that will happen is I get a flashback of a beautiful memory of us together, I see it playing out in front of me like a home movie. After all that happening in less than two minutes, I just want to scream. I want it to stop. I want my pain to go away. There is nowehere and no one for me to turn to and I have to keep going when I feel like this. That is very literally how it is for me.

Going through the formalities via text today, not talking as usual. Signing over the lease, the bond variation form, sorting out things we bought together, placing an ad for a new housemate, all while I am feeling like absolute sh....t.

She came to me this morning and said to me there is a bird outside that cant fly... I just went hmmmm and said nothing. Usually I would be the first to help an animal if it was not doing too good. I sat where I sat and did not move. Afetr she said that I started to cry, I could not hold my tears back. In my head I said to msyelf, well there is a bird in her that cant fly either. I wish I could leave for two weeks while she sorts herself out and moves out. I do not want to feel like this every single day. It is making things worse and harder for me.

Yet, it's like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from and escape. I cannot leave. I have to show people through the house, interview people as potential housemates, and be here, when I really do not want to be. I am struggling to get my head and heart around someone you were sharing your life with being like this towards someone they apparently loved. The words ring through my head often. I cannot imagine my life without you, these arms were made for you to be held in them, the hours and hours we spoke for about going travelling overseas together, buying a house together, the life we shared.

Hey, I know I was being treated like crap. How could I ever forget. I know I do not deserve to be treated like that. I have some self respect for me. BUT and there is a BUT when you spend time with the person you love, creating a life together and there was a time when you truly felt loved by them, the memories you have of your time together, the way you met and so on, well yeah it hurts badly. It would have been easier to let go if I was abused and not loved the whole time, but it wasn't the case. I am struggling to eat. My tummy grumbles at me but the thought of food and trying to eat is just not something I am interested in. I am struggling to get up and move, do things. I just plonk on the couch and either stare into space or cry.

The thing is people do not want to hear much about pain at all. People cannot seem to manage someone crying or talking about their pain. So, I shut down even further because I cannot be full of beans and happy. Firstly I would be lying and second I could not keep that up for long. Its just wearing a mask. I think to myself I thoughts our bind was strong, I thought our love would be strong enough to see us through hard times, I thought my love would be strong enough for you to stay, to work things out, to do better. All I am seeing now is the fact that she cannot wait to leave and start her new life on her own. I say nothing. It is hard enough imaginging our lives even further apart now. Its a small town. Will probably bump into her one day, but I will hope to be not having that happen often. It will just be too hard. I will not be texting her or calling her when has left. Anything that needed to be spoken about has been. Outstanding debts which are not a great amount. They have been sorted how they will be paid without us even having to speak. So, really there is no reason for contact. It is me that has to break the ties I have left to her. Breaking the love I feel is the hardest tie to break. I know that for me it would be unhealthy to kepp trying and I know there is not really any point. Grief will do these things. The bargaining for you. This is how i feel if anyone cares to hear my pain.

140 replies

81 - 90 of 140
1...8910...14

In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

I read an old email from her tonight. It was sent in October last year.

I remember the email. I remember how I felt when reading it. So powerless, hurt and tired. It was vicious game playing. It's so hard to talk about the repetiveness of the abuse I just wasn't seeing.

Specifically around the constant barrage of forcing me to take responsibility. I'm starting to see why I was so confused and just how deep it all ran. For a year, I was constantly told to take responsibility. My head was scrambling most if the time to find what I had done wrong, what I should be taking responsibility for? If she did tell me when I asked what for, I can guarantee you it was projection. I'd done nothing wrong. I do not deny that sometimes I had made a mistake. I would acknowledge her hurt and pain, genuinely apologise and do my best to stop doing whatever said thing had caused hurt.

It wasn't enough. She would bring it up months later again and again. I'd thought we had moved past it but evidently not. If she didn't tell me and I did not take responsibility, there was hell to pay for me. Nothing I could do because I did not know what I'd done wrong.

I actually have strong morals and principles. I'm not perfect. I do have respect, consideration, empathy, understanding, kindness and more though. I'm starting to realise this was a way of keeping me in a cycle she created for me. It's just that I couldn't see it because I was so deeply in love, trust was there and I genuinely believed in improving in a relationship. What I couldn't see was that I would always be working to be a better partner to the point, I wouldn't even know who I was anymore. I actually did get to that point. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know much if what I like, prefer or enjoy. It's like I'm just so emptied out.

I actually did have nothing left to give. I can see how the abuse escalated over time. It's still hard to call it abuse. I'm waiting to get into trouble from her. When she pried into my posts in here under my former username, that was a real eye opener to me. I could not look past that one. That was abuse. Even though it's a public forum, she did it with intent and used things I'd written to attack me. That was abuse.

I've slept for most if the day tidy. My body us not in fight it flight mode so it's basically just not able to stay awake for long periods of time.

There's been a lot if realisations today. Hard, painful eye openers. I'm so angry I didn't see all thus. I'm still very confused about many things. I'm also very tired and the pain from all thus runs deep.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

I wish somebody would say something.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Dear @Powderfinger .

I have not been quiet because I have not been thinking of you and what you are going through but because I am at a bit of a loss what to say. I would like to say something comforting but I too have suffered deep heartache and there is little to comfort to be had. It is just one day at a time until it starts to improve and you can begin to find yourself again.
I hope you are doing some self care and resting. Lost love and a broken heart is exhausting.
I am thinking of you even if I am quiet. I think once you get home and she is gone and you get past the shock of that and can make the home yours you can start bit by bit to heal

peru

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Peri

Thanks for reaching out. I have thought it's hard for people to know what to say. I understand. My friend has been amazing to me. He really is such a great friend. I'm very blessed to have him. I keep trying to push myself to do more, be more, get my proverbial sh...t together. Then I wonder why I can't do it.

I think that I'm pushing myself too hard when I've just been through a major ordeal over a long period of time. I need to slow down and be more gentle in myself and stop giving myself so many high expectations at this time. I'll try remember.

She is moving out today. I miss my home but I don't at the same time. I'm scared to go back because of the emptiness. The loss that's going to be in front of me. The dreams that once was. The memories that once were. I know I'm probably going to cry and I'm going to hurt.

My head is very muddled and so is my heart. It's going to take a lot of adjusting. Then there is the fact I need a housemate ASAP. If I had it my way, Id just have space for a while so I could adjust a bit more.

I've actually just slept a lot while at my friend's house. This unbelievable tiredness and not sure whether I'm up or down, what's left or right most times is extremely draining.

Thanks again for reaching out.

Powderfinger.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Powderfinger I am presently not able to be here for anyone (dealing with some stuff myself) but wanted you to know I am very much thinking of you and hoping the time with your friend, and away from the house, is going as best it can for you

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Hi @Powderfinger

I'm sorry I haven't been around. I've had some rather painful health news and I retreated for a couple of days. I'm functioning but not.much use to anyone with advice I'm so.sorry. I'm listening and I care and more than anything I'm so bloody grateful.you have your friend. Hugs and love every day always x 💞

@Zoe7 💞

Also tag me in each post then I won't miss them and I will respond as best as I can. ❤️

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Zoe7

I completely understand this. Know that I'm thinking of you too and hoping that you can be strong enough in yourself to cope and manage. In the meantime, we are here. Xxx

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia

I'm.sorry to hear you had some painful health news. I You will be in my thoughts and are in my thoughts. I love you dearly. I'm going to give posting a break and focus on what I need to do to get through.

I'm.thinkijg of you. Love you. Xxxxx

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Love you too hunny and only ever a tag away x @Powderfinger 🙏🤗💕

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia

Only ever a tag away too.

81 - 90 of 140
1...8910...14