Hi @Historylover
I spent a lot of time thinking about that question - of course it is a rhetorical question but still - it does need clarification - the question is -
@Dec once asked: is any friend better than no friend - or is no friend better that any friend?
And I don't know - I think there are many kinds of friends and we have people in our lives for different reasons and if they fit that reason then it's okay and if they don't - or time passes and things change - then we need too re-evaluate the situation if lines are crossed and that does happen
I met a women earlier in the year and I would have enjoyed her company for a long time but she crossed a line and innocently invaded my space in a way that I couldn't tolerate. What could I do about this? - we couldn't see each other because of the lock-down and eventually I wrote a note telling her I had too much happening in my personal life and after reading it a few times for the next couple of days I posted it and then blocked her phone number.
And no - I didn't feel good about this and who would? When it comes to the question of "no friend" or "any friend" I think it comes down to how comfortable we are regarding that relationship. I am a naturally friendly person and a good listener but I am also intensely private. I really think we need to be sensitive to our own needs and personality and draw a line when we feel invaded. I really believe in self-love, self-care and self-respect and these issues are paramount.
So - it depends on what we want for ourselves rather than what we want from other people. I feel comfortable in my own skin and quite like being alone. I also enjoy being with other people. I guess I am sometimes and extravert and sometimes and introvert and both personality types are natural for me and it's up to ourselves to work out what "friendship" means in what context and why. These issues are not at all easy to work out but we need to feel okay with people.
When it comes to people-pleasing - I am not into that - I will speak out when I have to - I don't always feel comfortable about doing that but I am okay having my opinion and okay about other people having theirs. If other people don't like my opinions I won't force them into changing theirs and I will listen but okay - people can think what they like and what they think of me is not my business. It's hard work finding friends and keeping them and so it's a big deal in life really - but we have to feel okay with people and if we don't then we need to move on and so do they
When it comes to men and sex it seems to me - thinking back through the years - many men seem to think that if someone is "female" and "there" then it's okay to want sex. Well - yes - they can want it but whether or not sex happens is up to the female. It has amazed me sometimes that men are disappointed when the woman is not interested. That's the way it is guys - women also have a mind and some of us have other things to think about.
I don't know if this helps @Historylover - it might seems as if I am self-interested and actually - I think that's true. In my old age I have to be my own best friend because other people do tend to come and go. Some people spread themselves around with a lot of friends and family members in their circles and that's fine - other people live with few other people in their lives and seem to live more deeply and this is fine too.
At the bottom line - remember the title of that book so long ago now - I'm Okay - You're Okay We all need to feel okay
Dec
Rules to live by - when a person is your friend you are there for them through thick and thin
