Survivors of Childhood Abuse

Hey @saltandpepper

a very interesting read. I never knew it affects so much of the brain.
thanks for sharing.
hope you're doing ok.

Hey @BlueBay no worries. I didn't realise either. I've done a bit of reading in the past about the physical affects trauma leaves us with as adults. But honestly, I think I've probably forgotten it all now. At least now there's an explanation as to why I can't remember anything--ha!

how are you doing tonight @BlueBay

hi @saltandpepper

Feeling a bit sad. My daughter is moving out with her little one. Moving in with her new partner. I'm really happy but sad. They've lived with us for two out of three years of granddaughters life. Just knowing it's going to happen soon (another week or two) is making me feel sad.
ive got a lot of physical issues at the moment. Need to have a special scan done next week to check the gallbladder. Had two attacks of diverticulitis in 3 minths. Hospital both times. Now possible tiny stones.

@BlueBay sorry you're going through that, having to watch your daughter leave home--probably for the second time--and now with her child too.

But I gotta admit, reading that, it makes me feel warmth. Your daughter being there for so long, she must have found being with you very comforting during what I imagine has been a difficult time for her. Taking her in with her daughter, that's amazing. You've done a great thing and I hope you can take some comfort in knowing you've been a great support to your daughter. Sounds like she's gone through a Hell of a lot in a short time but somehow is strong enough to take the next step. It probably wouldn't have happened without your help.

Brace yourself for the day when it happens, plan for it. If possible make plans with a friend or someone to help lift your spirits after your daughter moves out. Or at least make sure you do something for you, something you enjoy.

Ah look, my head is killing me, but when I'm better I'll be a better support for you. I'm not even sure if what I've written makes sense--apologies if not.

wishing you all the best

Thanks so much for your beautiful words and understanding and hugs , @BlueBay

Our stories do sound similar in some ways. I feel for you 💔

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@BlueBay wrote:

I have made the decision that I need to limit my visits and calls to my parents. The only sad part is that i don't get to see my dad as often as i would love to, but it is what it is at the moment.

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This is very brave of you...and sad about not seeing your dad as much. Also kind of you to put your dad first in not telling your mum about what your brother did. I'm so sorry about your SA from your brother and the 2 other males 😞

Sending you hugs @BlueBay ...

@saltandpepper - thanks for posting that article, it's excellent. I've bookmarked it for future reading again too. It was interesting how it said "a weakened ability to process positive feedback" - I want to take that away and think about it.

thank you so much for your kind words and support @saltandpepper

don't worry it all made sense what your wrote!!!

i know it will be hard when that day comes and i am going to have to keep busy otherwise i know i will decline quickly

i will do anything for my kids, always there for them. it has been a tough two years, this last year my daughter sleeping on a mattress in our study as we have no spare rooms (2 sons still at home) and 3 yr old granddaughter has a small bed in our room. so yeah it's been very tough to say the least.

but i couldn't say no, i will always help my kids when needed.

i hope your headache has eased up now, hoping you got a good night sleep.

BB xxoo

thank you @NatureLover I'm getting really teary and i know it's because of my dad. i just wish it was so different. I bet we all do. It's happened and i need to let go of how my mum treated me when i told her. that day will live with me forever, i cannot get that day out of my head. it was the worst day of my life. telling my mum about the abuse and who they were except my brother; to then get verbal abuse from her, yelling at me - it was the worst hour of my life.

i wanted validation, i wanted a hug, love, support even just 'i am sorry' but oh no i got nothing.

I'm sorry i need to go i am in crying mess right now. i need to calm down.

@BlueBay I'm just so sorry for how your mum reacted that day 😞 So incredibly unfair and invalaidating and damaging 😞

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@BlueBay wrote:

I'm sorry i need to go i am in crying mess right now. i need to calm down.

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Please go and do some self-soothing things...feel better soon @BlueBay ...

hey @NatureLover I'm okay. thanks xx

you know i think the hardest thing is my mum not validating any of this at all. after 'that day' i walked out and we didn't speak for 4 years. i still believe to this day that my dad has no idea what went on that day; because she made sure he wasn't home when she asked me to go over. and her reason when i asked where dad was is 'oh he doesn't want to see you or hear what you have to say'!!!! Yeah that's what she said.

any girl being abused would want their own mum to put their arms around you and protect you; just tell you something.

anyway, it is what it is now - but i sometimes feel like lashing out; this anger and deep deep hurt from her still gets to me. who knows maybe one day i will tell her about my brother; or just let it all out and tell her exactly how i feel; that she didn't love me when i so needed her.

i just don't know .......