Need advice and perspectives

Hi,

My head is incredibly messed up. Beyond the stage of a shit mush. I know it is going to be like that for quite a few months. I know I am going to have to go through a lot of recovery and my life will be centred around a lot of it. I am not in a good shape and I am crying and anxious most days.

What I need advice on and different perspectives on is my new living arrangements. I need someone to offer different perspectives so my brain can get new thoughts in there instead of all the horror in my head.

I am moving out of my home. I am sad about it, and it couldnt come at a worse time, but I need to move out. It has been such a long time since I have shared with someone. I have lived alone for years. The possibility of this happening (I am looking at a place soon that is shared) is making me want to run a million miles away. It is not the problem that I am going to be sharing my space, it is that I make a mistake in choosing who I live with and the state I am currently in.

I am scared. Living alone means I do not have to answer to anyone. It is my own space and privacy. I can do what I like. I however am in a really bad state in my life. I do not want to tell a stranger this and I do not want to tell them the reasons why. It is not a strangers problem. I have also had some horrible experiences with housemates. I know its the past and I need to let go of these things. I have an extremely low self esteem and very low self worth.

My life currently is a huge mess and I have months and months of hard work to get it looking somewhat reasonable to the point that I can actually function. The place I am going to look at is nice, in a good location, I have spoken to the guy quite a lot and he seems quite nice and genuine. I will have two big rooms and my own bathroom, plus there is a huge shed on the property that I can do my wood work still. The guy has actually been very nice.

I have also been thinking, maybe because I am going through what I am going through it would be good to share with a person. Company now and again, get my thoughts into sharing my space and being mindful of others, making effort to become just a bit more social. My issue is that my fears and worries are taking over these things and I keep changing my mind. I am actually driving myself crazy.

As mentioned I really could use some strong advice, and some different perspectives to think about. I could also use a lot of pick me up because I cannot provide it all for myself at the moment. So as many who can offer what I am asking for pertaining to my current situation, I would appreciate it. Thank you.