Inducted into Rotary. Disillusioned perhaps?

I was recently inducted into Rotary. Lately, I've been feeling if it's something I want to continue with into 2021. A lot was going on when I initially started with Rotary. Not good things. I haven't completely made up my mind.

My club has fallen behind. It needs a good shake up. There are quite a few things I've identified that need work. There is definitely what I feel some underhanded things going on. Then again as a new member and my current reality being do distorted, I perhaps feel that my decisions may be a bit premature. I'm unsure.

I do notice a lot if things happening. I speak to the president directly now and bought quite a few things to her attention. I've worked on not feeling bad for giving her extra work to do. At Rotary, we are all volunteers. We are not paid. I forget that sometimes.

Next year there will be big changes for me. 2020 completely sucked the entire way through, it still sucks now.

I know I will not have made a decision around Rotary specifically by the start of the new year. My only answer at the moment is to not throw myself in like I have these past few months,.and observe quietly about the good and not do good I've experienced thus far with Rotary. Only then until I feel comfortable will I make a decision.

Part of being a Rotarian is about ones career, developing your career within Rotary and also community work. It's not simple. It's work.

I feel that what I've seen so far is going to make my goals of doing so incredibly difficult.

If it gets to this stage where I can no longer stay quiet, I do plan to officially and formally state my case to the president and board. I'm a writer and have written loads of professional letters to high bodies within Australia, including magistrates and many boards.

In Rotary, each profession has merit. I feel if that is ignored and my ideas for the club will be constantly shut down as a result of the power and control I see, I will make a decision to leave Rotary and out my efforts to perhaps a new Rotary, another organisation or a different part of Rotary.

I dont know at all yet because right now me and my life is literally a huge mess. I'm in no shape to tackle these things. I'm so unwell that I'm actually very frightened.