Relationship is struggling

Hey @26aqua That is a very difficult position you are in but you have great insight into what is happening and that is a positive step forward. Your GP can do a Mental Health Care Plan and can also refer you to a psychiatrist if you feel that is needed for extra support also. Seeing a psychologist is a massive step and one that many find difficult to do - but you are aware of what is happening and know you need support to help you navigate all the emotions your are feeling - so it is a wise step you have taken.

Unfortunately many of us here have dealt with similar situations and histories so you are not alone. These things you can work through with your supports. I founf DBT therapy to be very helpful - it is great for recognising and dealing with those big emotions, learning ways to navigate those and putting in place things that can help when we are feeling them. It is a longer term process but then so is most therapy.

Life is just hard sometimes but we are here listening. Welcome to the forum

Yeah @26aqua unfortunately that is a massive issue - there are just not enough professionals or places available for those that need the support. I do hope seeing this new psych will help you - it might be worthwhile mentioning DBT and seeing if they can help there also.

Hi @26aqua

I just wanted to reach out and offer you some support

It’s just so hard when everything around us seems to take on a life of its own and we become trapped in a never ending cycle of relentless and intolerable emotions that overwhelm, confuse and distress us to the point where we no longer know or like who we are

This is such a painful place to be and my heart goes out to you

I can really hear how desperately you want things to be different and it sounds as though you’re doing your best to survive each day and forge a way forward.

Well done on arranging an appointment to see a Psychiatrist! This is such a brave and healthy step towards being able to receive the care and support that you deserve and make the changes that are important to you

I wasn’t too sure when your appointment is scheduled for and so I just wondered if these supports may be helpful for you in the interim

The Blue Knot Foundation provides support for adults who have experienced childhood trauma. As such, specialist trauma counsellors provide short term telephone counselling support, information and referrals.

If you would like to contact them, The Blue Knot Helpline operates from Monday to Sunday between 9.00am and 5.00pm (AEDT) and their contact number

is: 1300 657 380.

You can also email them for support at: helpline@blueknot.org.au

They also have a wealth of information on their website which you may also find helpful

Their website is: www.blueknot.org.au

Another avenue to receive some support is through the Sane Help Centre. Basically, they support people living with complex mental health issues and the people who care about them. The Help Centre is staffed by qualified counsellors and they can provide telephone and online counselling, information and referrals.

The Help Centre operates Monday to Friday from 10.00am until 10.00pm (AEST) and you can contact them on: 1800 18 7263.

Their website is: www.sane.org

I hope this helps a little and remember that you’re always welcome to continue to reach out here.

Thinking of you at this time

Take care,

ShiningStar

@ShiningStar thanks so much.

I'm so sorry I thought I had replied - clearly I didn't.

I have a psychologist appt set up this Wednesday. I'm nervous and anxious but also hopeful to make a start in recovering.

My new GP wanted to start me on antidepressants, I've had problems with SSRIS before and after talking to my partner I decided to wait until I have seen the psychologist and psychiatrist- which means I'm needing to try to let things that normally really annoy me go. But, my partner seems to be the one 90% of the time contributing to my annoyed state. I feel like I'm bottling or withholding feelings because I'm trying to avoid arguments with him.

I feel like he doesn't listen to what I'm telling him anymore, because of so many times of over reacting or being irrational or not being able to control my anger and end up yelling - even this last week where I have exhaustingly kept my cool in situations I'd have lost it completely, I feel like I'm unheard. I seem to get more of "is this happening again?" Or "are you angry with me again?" "What have I done this time?".

I'm hoping I might be able to try DBT with my psychologist, I've heard lots of good things about it so far.

Hi @26aqua

My pleasure and absolutely no worries at all I’ve had similar experiences where I thought I had replied to messages only to realise a little bit down the track that I actually hadn’t

I’ve been thinking about you today, as I noticed that you were attending an appointment with a Psychologist I just wanted to say well done on taking such a brave step towards your recovery! I would love to hear how you got on however, I can also appreciate that this may be too difficult / distressing for you to talk about, or you may not feel comfortable to share - which is completely fine too There’s absolutely no pressure or expectation

I’ve also heard some very positive things about DBT - especially in terms of supporting people to be able to better understand, tolerate and regulate some very difficult and painful emotions. Is this something that your Psychologist can offer you?

I’m so sorry that you feel invisible, unheard and criticised I know that for me, these types of experiences and responses can be really triggering and I can feel my emotions rapidly escalating!

Trying to suppress such powerful and overwhelming emotions is absolutely exhausting and excruciating! It can really take every ounce of strength and energy to keep from exploding - especially when our minds and bodies are screaming for relief!

I really hope that today went well for you and that you received the care and support that you deserve

Take care,

ShiningStar

Hi @ShiningStar

I've been struggling since before Christmas.

This is truly exhausting.

My appointment with psychologist went well, I felt heard and to a point understood. Our only issue is he is on leave now and no appts until February. He did agree the medication I was on for depression had seemed like it elevated my mood and understood my reason for not starting the ones my GP prescribed.

I see a psychiartrist this month, first initial appt.

Work is doing my head in and I'm becoming overwhelmed and forgetful. I've thrown tantrums and threatened to quit. Which I'm in no position to do.

My mood has been irritable and annoyed. I've tried 5 senses a cpl of times but only after an explosive episode of anger.

Ive tried explaining to my partner to not take things personal, when I'm in this mood it's towards everyone and everything, it just so happens he annoys me easiest - likely as he is closest and tries his hardest with distraction techniques. Only it doesn't work and he gets my wrath.

He makes great suggestions and I feel at times my heart is telling me to pull up, ease up, be kind, let things go and things could be worse but my head overloads with so many negatives. Every word or sentence is construed into obsessive thoughts and then these role play scenarios play out in my head, like I'm talking to who ever has upset me, done me wrong whatever and then I avoid that issue as it's already played, I already know what the outcome will be because I've already seen it.

I feel like I've made a huge mess at work, I'm supposed to be an assistant manager but my behaviour lately is not that of my position. I'm flying off the handle in situations I should be calm and able to find suitable solutions. My direct boss is understanding to a point, she knows I'm struggling in all areas, not just at work. She knows I've been under alot of stress and she knows I'm trying to get it sorted - only with covid and the overloaded mental health system it's taking longer to get appts. I just worry my stupid uncontrollable behaviour has already damaged my reputation and as it is my store is closed and we aren't even sure if we get to reopen or if we'll get shoved here or there.

I'm contracted to less than 30hrs a week, it's the min I need to survive financially, unfortunately I feel like it's too much.

I need regular, stable hours. Same days, same shifts, same store. I may end up having to move into a fulltime 38hr contract and have a roster which rotates fortnightly - but I've already figured those rosters don't suit me, I get flustered and forgetful and lose focus and direction. I have no idea how to approach my big boss about these problems and my partner keeps reminding me how lucky I am to have a job that is stable in this economy. Which isn't helpful while I'm bouncing from pillar to post in different hours, days and stores I'm not used to.

I'm feeling trapped. I'm feeling stuck.

I couldn't turn my mood around for new years eve. I had to change hours and shifts (very nearly ended up taking myself to hospital due to the emotional turmoil I was experiencing at the time) so I could drive an hr from home to take the kids to my partners where he had organised some food. Communication was lacking, I didn't want to go. I took the kids. We were there less than 2 hrs and I said I had to go. I couldn't socialise. I couldn't force the happy smiley mood and I felt like I was jumping out of my skin and about to explode. So I got the kids and left. My partner came with us. I felt terrible and like I ruined all of their night but I just could not sit and watch some weird stupid tv show while my partner slowly drifted to sleep and I was having a billion and one thing running through my head of all the reasons I shouldn't be there.

I have these tantrums of anger and outbursts and soon after am overwhelmed with the guilt or shame of what my behaviour looked/sounded like.

Mixed with fleeting thoughts of why their lives would be so much better without me.

(I really don't feel suicidal, I just don't want to be this unpredictable, emotionally overloaded crazy woman, these thoughts are more like "why can't they just hate me and leave me alone" "Can't they see it's me that's the problem".)

I've posted on a fb support group a couple of times which helped unload a little but I'm still feeling this frazzled, mixed, obsessed, itchy don't want to do but need to do something anything everything.

I'm expecting the crash, it usually happens when I've felt like this for a while, but it hasn't come yet or does for a few days to a week or so. I did have a 2-3wk crash but it's all felt like it's been bubbling consistently for so long, since september. Peaking during stressful times sending me into meltdown.

Being aware isn't exactly making shit easier either. Being aware I'm being an arseholes just makes me feel worse about everything. Like why can't I be the person who calmly sits and listens and waits for the resolution.

Trying to tell my partner this morning I'm not feeling good, it's there and I've got all this shit running in my head, he wanted me to hold his hand like that was going to ease it. I smoke so much more when I'm like this and every time I go for a smoke he makes a comment about it being bad and I don't need it blah blah. Grrr. I'm trying. But I want to snap "f off, I can do what I want". I haven't yet. I hope that's some self control I'm displaying.

I've avoided this forum because at times I have nothing I want to say other than "poor me, why me, f I hate this" or times I just cant put anything into words.

---

@ShiningStar wrote:

Hi @26aqua

My pleasure and absolutely no worries at all I’ve had similar experiences where I thought I had replied to messages only to realise a little bit down the track that I actually hadn’t

I’ve been thinking about you today, as I noticed that you were attending an appointment with a Psychologist I just wanted to say well done on taking such a brave step towards your recovery! I would love to hear how you got on however, I can also appreciate that this may be too difficult / distressing for you to talk about, or you may not feel comfortable to share - which is completely fine too There’s absolutely no pressure or expectation

I’ve also heard some very positive things about DBT - especially in terms of supporting people to be able to better understand, tolerate and regulate some very difficult and painful emotions. Is this something that your Psychologist can offer you?

I’m so sorry that you feel invisible, unheard and criticised I know that for me, these types of experiences and responses can be really triggering and I can feel my emotions rapidly escalating!

Trying to suppress such powerful and overwhelming emotions is absolutely exhausting and excruciating! It can really take every ounce of strength and energy to keep from exploding - especially when our minds and bodies are screaming for relief!

I really hope that today went well for you and that you received the care and support that you deserve

Take care,

ShiningStar

---

Hi @26aqua

It’s lovely to hear from you I’m so sorry that you’ve been struggling since Christmas - that really must feel like an eternity

I’m so pleased to hear that your appointment with your Psychologist went well From what you describe, your experience sounds encouraging and that you’re on your way to being able to receive the care and support that you need and deserve

I can really hear the anguish, shame and regret that you feel in relation to how your behaviour may have impacted your reputation with your colleagues. This is such a distressing and uncomfortable place to be

Although none of us can travel back in time to erase or change what has happened (it would be so great if we could) sometimes, there can be value in taking steps towards doing our best to repair the damage / distress that we’ve caused, which in turn can provide us with the opportunity to rebuild our reputation

It’s understandable that when you’re feeling so overwhelmed and trying desperately to survive each day, any amount of work (and changes to your schedule) can feel too much. Sometimes, when we feel as though we’re drowning, it’s very difficult to find comfort in being reminded about the ‘positives’ of a situation. When I listened to this part of your story, I remembered a quote that I read a little while ago and I thought that I would share it with you ‘I don’t need you to try to talk me out of my feelings. I need you to meet me in my feelings because that’s where I am.’ (Rachel Samson)

It also sounds as though you’re trying to grab onto anything that you can to self soothe and manage some very powerful and intense emotions Changing our behaviour is really hard work and it’s a process that often requires time, perseverance, patience, support and understanding

I can really hear the pain and desperation behind your words and I just wanted to ever so gently reassure you that there’s no judgement here It’s ok and completely understandable if what you need to share sounds ‘negative’ This doesn’t define or describe who you are as a person. If anything, I believe that the language that we use not only reflects what’s happening for us at a particular point in time, but that it also provides a glimpse into those deeper underlying issues that perhaps we can’t connect with or give a voice to

Being listened to and receiving support and comfort are core needs that we all have Please be patient with yourself as you continue to work through what’s happening for you and if you can, allow yourself to reach out here for support as you need

I’ve had to take some time out myself over the past few weeks and so I’m very out of touch in terms of where things are for you right now. I do hope that this helps you a little and that you’re travelling ok

Take care,

ShiningStar

@ShiningStar hi lovely, and thanks for coming by. I really appreciate the time you've taken to reply.

I've definitely had a few ups and downs since I last commented on this post. I also took some leave from work which was really helpful.

I'm back at work and interestingly, have had some positive feedback from other managers which has gone up to my big boss. So I'm feeling like I haven't ruined my rep, and I'm sticking between 2 shops and regular hours and this has been really good for me on the work side.

During my leave I ended up going to emergency. I was having an episode I just couldn't shake, no matter what I tried.

It was an experience and i feel for all who work in our emergency departments and in mental health.

I won't go into full details but I spoke with a MH nurse, I have a plan and also have started some medication which has helped slow me down, has helped alot with anxiety and my moods are shorter lived or aren't building as rapidly. I'm getting better sleep, although not every night but that comes down to routine as well.

I'm learning alot about myself, reflecting after, figuring out what feeling I was having and why.

I'm feeling better about myself and the road the recovery, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel I suppose i could say.

I'm doing ok the last week or so, I'm looking forward to seeing my therapist early Feb, we have much to discuss!

I hope you are doing well since taking time out, and receiving the support you need.

Thank you for sharing the quote, I feel alot of the time I don't need someone to fix it or change it, just hear what I'm feeling, understand where it's coming from. Acknowledge what is happening.

Again, thank you for your support and love, I can feel the compassion and empathy and truly appreciate the time you took. 💜

Thanks, much love and well wishes 💙💜💙

Hi @26aqua

My absolute pleasure and thank you so much for your lovely kind words and all of the coloured hearts - purple is one of my favourite colours

Thank you for checking in with me I have an amazing Therapist and GP who have been supporting me

Thank you so much for sharing what’s been happening for you I really got a sense of some of your ups and down and I think that it’s such an honour when people share a part of their story with me

That’s so great that you received some positive feedback from several other managers! This sounds really encouraging - not to mention incredibly timely! Sometimes, this type of feedback can be the much needed and welcome evidence that we need to reassure us and alleviate some of our fears and anxieties in relation to our professional reputations!

I’m so sorry to hear that you had an ‘episode’ Living with mental health issues can be so unpredictable and sometimes we really do need that little bit of extra support to find our footing again Hospital emergency departments can be extremely confronting environments and I think that you were really brave to seek out and access the support and care that you needed - well done

I’m so pleased to hear that the Mental Health Nurse was able to support you Sometimes just knowing that there’s someone there who we can reach out to and who can shine a torch for us while we’re trying to navigate our way through uncharted and (often scary and confusing waters) can make such a difference

You’re most welcome and I’m so happy that you liked the quote I truly believe that one of the greatest gifts that we can give people is to sit with them in the emotional rubble and do our very best to connect with them, so that we can step into their world and begin to understand what’s happening for them

Absolutely - I can really relate to the need to be listened to, heard and understood I often wonder if in our desperation to ease people’s distress (and perhaps our own distress when we see those we care about in emotional pain) we rush in to offer solutions. However, through doing so, we run the risk of losing the ability to be able to connect with someone on a deeper level and hear what’s really happening for them and how we can best support them. To feel that someone ‘sees us’ and ‘gets us’ is just so important It can be such a painful, lonely, disheartening and infuriating experience when we feel invisible and that despite our continued and best efforts to remedy this, our voice and our needs go unheard

As I read towards the end of your story, I really got a sense that you’re on a journey of self-discovery and that some of the pieces of the puzzle are slowly starting to come together for you I can’t tell you how excited I am for you that you’re starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel

I have every confidence that you can make the changes in your life that are meaningful and important to you and I just wanted you know that I’m here cheering you on with my pink and purple pom poms!

Please know that I’m thinking of you as you continue to find your way and move forward and I’m sending you some hugs of encouragement

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar