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Hi... first post... struggling ..

IamNOTaloneContributor03 Dec 2020, 10:02 pm AEDT

Hi... first post... struggling ..

hi all. I’m not sure what this will do for me, but I needed to tell someone. This is my first time using these groups, I found this advertised on FB. I lost my home in bushfires on NYE. I nearly lost my life defending someone else’s home. I thought I was dying. I have struggled every day since. I can admit my anger is out of control towards my beautiful wife who try’s her hardest for me. I don’t have anything that was once mine anymore all my life history gone. My family has turned against me over grant money they weren’t eligible for but I was. My life has been falling apart all year, but I have so much trauma from that night. I’ve lost everything but my wife and children. Which I nearly lost. Some days I can’t even eat. I know I need help but being the man of the family I can’t exacly take the time off work to get the help.

I’m sick of the men don’t cry attitudes.

I cry all the time.

I take long showers to cry so no one can see.

I stay in my car for 10 minutes after work to clear myself up before coming home.

This is never ending for me

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In response to: Hi... first post... struggling ..

YouAreNotAloneSenior Contributor08 Dec 2020, 1:55 pm AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

Hey @IamNOTalone,

Firstly, I just hope you know how dang strong you are--for what you went through, and for even posting here, now. It's so hard to reach out and speak out, so I'm so glad you are.

But I'm so sorry you had to experience that. It sounds truly horrendous. We were close to losing our home and the fires were super close (100m away), but nothing like your experiences. You are NOT alone. So many of us are going through these exact same feelings--but I know for men, there's a lot of stigma attached to showing emotion.

It's okay to cry. It's good to cry. And I think talking about how you're feeling--whether it's to us here, to the people who love you, or to a professional--is one of the best ways you can work through how you're feeling.

It's so easy to feel overwhelmed by all the trauma we've experienced. It wakes me up--and keeps me up--many nights.

How have you been coping with these feelings? Do you have any self-care you can do?

When I feel overwhelmed, I practise mindfulness techniques and breathing techniques, and enact my self-care plan. It might sound woo woo, but taking care of yourself is the key to resilience. But for me, gratitude also helped. Which might sound ridiculous with all the crap that's happened this year, but I found it helped. More than happy to share any of these techniques or examples with you if you like.

It's okay to not be okay, and this too shall pass ❤️

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

TideisTurningSenior Contributor09 Dec 2020, 11:15 am AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

This is what I really like about both of your very clever usernames @YouAreNotAlone & @IamNOTalone! I feel like it's an excellent reminder that while it may sometimes feel like we're alone with experiences, we're not necessarily- while others may not have gonne through exactly the same thing, there may be many similarities between experiences that others can relate to. These forums are a testament to that and as I mentioned, I feel like your usernames are a great reminder- certainly for me every time I see them.

TideisTurning 😊

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

Unknown userMember09 Dec 2020, 11:31 am AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

Hi @IamNOTalone, I'm so glad you've reached out

My heart goes out to you for everything you've been through.

It's good that you make time - in the car, in the shower - to let out the very understandable feelings you're having. I think it's healthiest to let out emotions rather than bottling them all up.

I know you said that, being the 'man of the family,' you can't take time off work to get help - I'm wondering if there are still ways to access support without impacting your work? Our Help Centre, for instance, is open Mon-Fri 10am-10pm. Would you be open to making or scheduling a free call, maybe for after work in your car one day? Just considering possible options 🙂

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

YouAreNotAloneSenior Contributor09 Dec 2020, 5:48 pm AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

I thought that exact thing @TideisTurning!

Great minds think alike, I guess @IamNOTalone.

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

BurntSenior Contributor09 Dec 2020, 8:10 pm AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

@TideisTurning I just noticed the similar names- and great meataphor!

@IamNOTalone @YouAreNotAlone

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

IamNOTaloneContributor10 Dec 2020, 8:32 pm AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. I’m not sure where to go from here onwards in my life. Thank yous @Burnt @YouAreNotAlone @Former-Member @TideisTurning @Maggie

I got a pay rise at work, so atleast some financial struggle is helped.

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

BurntSenior Contributor11 Dec 2020, 10:08 am AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

Congratulations on your pay rise, @IamNOTalone!

Is there anything else no matter how small, or how big, that’s a positive right now?

I could write a novel on all the bad in my life currently- but I’m trying to list every day a few good! No matter how small.

I will list a few good!

- my husband made me breakfast today

- I’m buying a fig tree today

-we are about to buy some property

- we finally have ordered all the parts we need to repair husbands car (just need the time!)

- have finally after a month of lost car keys I’m getting a new set of keys made

- I am getting a Christmas tree tomorrow finally after not finding one anywhere they’re all sold out!

what can you list that’s good today?

I hope your day (I assume at work) is a good one!

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

IamNOTaloneContributor14 Dec 2020, 8:24 am AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

Hi @Burnt

good things for me today:

its my day off today so hopefully I can get ahead

I had a sleep in today

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

BurntSenior Contributor15 Dec 2020, 3:22 pm AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

@IamNOTalone i envy you on the sleep in!

In response to: Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

YouAreNotAloneSenior Contributor17 Dec 2020, 11:18 am AEDT

Re: Hi... first post... struggling ..

@IamNOTalone

HECK YEAH! Congratulations on the raise! Hopefully it helps--but soak up how awesome that is. It's a fantastic achievement and you should be super proud

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