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Hello Members introduction

SkantzContributor21 Nov 2020, 12:04 pm AEDT

Hello Members introduction

Hi Fellow travellers on this journey of life

Many years ago I needed web design and business cards designed for a business I was starting and met this bubbly friendly Beautiful young graphic designer. We were both faithfully attached to respective partners but our association continued on a business and often social basis. Fast forward to about 18 months to 2 years ago after life had bounced a few surprises at us and I suggested that we should not be sitting at home and should have dinner together.

I didn't really appreciate what was about to happen. This lady was beautiful kind smart and hard to live without. But I soon learnt that all is not as it seems. That wrist support was not for muscle pain and there was a long history of self harm written across her body

Had I not known the Lady from our business days I would have headed for the hills

But here I am.

Struggling with a health system without the right tools. I'm a tradie who knows that anytime you see blood you have usually just made a very poor judgement decision. Now I'm told by ambulance officers that it's not deep and that's just what "they" do!!

Im sorry I have struggled with forums as when I'm doing it tough I find it unhelpful to realise that there are other people doing it tougher. And usually they are!

But just telling my story has given me some selfish relief. This Beautiful Lady was transferred from a voluntary clinic into the acute care psychiatric ward because according to the doctors they weren't able to guarantee her safety!!

I know one Psychiatrist that earnt her $300/hr when I most impolitely asked why it was assumed that I was expected to keep her safe by the hospital system for six months after her first attempt to "quieten the noise" but now she has just passed the buck. She was the one with the training and expertise and I was a tradie.

Again it gave me nothing but a relief valve vent.

If you read this far I thank you for listening and I hope we all see our loved ones recover to some semblance of "functionality"

18 replies

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In response to: Hello Members introduction

Emelia8Senior Contributor21 Nov 2020, 3:02 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

@Skantz 🌷🌻🌹😇💞

Emelia

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

SkantzContributor21 Nov 2020, 3:09 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

@Emelia8

Thanks for finishing my rambling and your kind thoughts

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

Emelia8Senior Contributor21 Nov 2020, 3:33 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

Pleasure @Skantz 😄 You were not rambling. In fact your post was a well worded, thoughtful and heartfelt account of all that you and your friend are going through. Thank you for sharing.

I would also like to extend a very warm welcome to the Forums. I hope you find them to be a helpful and supportive place to be.

You are very welcome to join in discussions on any existing threads if you choose. And if you have any questions, please just ask. 🌺

Emelia 🌷

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

SkantzContributor21 Nov 2020, 3:51 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

Thanks

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

AnastasiaSenior Contributor22 Nov 2020, 6:08 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

Hi @Skantz

Welcome!

Firstly kudos to you my friend. I admire you for taking on the care of your friend. There are lots of carers here and hopefully you being here will help to feel less alone and perhaps bounce things off others with similar journeys. Tag me anytime and take care of you 🙂

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

SkantzContributor22 Nov 2020, 8:47 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

Thanks @Anastasia

Thankfully my partner offers plenty in other areas. She is smart, creative and has a mind blowing knowledge of Australian Bird Rescue husbandry. I find her very attractive and she seems to be into me.

Had I learnt about her black dog that follows her around when we first met I would not have pursued a relationship. But thankfully I saw everything else first and realised this is just a small part of what she offers me.

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

AnastasiaSenior Contributor22 Nov 2020, 10:12 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

You're a good egg @Skantz

She's lucky and so are you. Life would be bland without our loved ones 🤗

Great to have you as part of the family. I'll introduce some other carers that are "good eggs" too 🙂

@Emelia8 @Shaz51 @Determined @Faith-and-Hope @Smc

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor22 Nov 2020, 10:38 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

Hi @Skantz and welcome to the forums 👋

Here and listening too. All we can do is offer who we are and what we can manage in the moment, and hope that is enough.

My loved one is not my loved one any more - he is with someone else now, but I stayed with him and supported him as long as I could. Thought I was dealing with an eating disorder, but apparently addictions are part of the the "real" disorder that he has. I do still appreciate who I thought he was, and I have a lot of beautiful memories from that former life.

Long story short, our kids have been affected, so I am still here as a carer, and dealing with issues around our very messy divorce.

One very important thing I have learned on this journey though is just how important it is to care for yourself as a carer. Ask this question periodically ..... "Who is caring for the carer ?" and see what you can answer. We can't do the work of the professionals, but we do a very important job

that the professionals can't do, and that is to walk along with our loved ones, and let them know they are our loved ones .....

That wasn't enough with my soon2bx's apparent condition, because it involves wearing a mask and "mirroring" ..... copying your behaviours and values back to you so you think you have found your soulmate ..... but I have also learned how strong I am, and how special this community is in the powerful support offered here.

Welcome, and it's good to see / hear you .....

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

AnastasiaSenior Contributor22 Nov 2020, 11:43 pm AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope

You are so wise and always have just the right words xxx

@Skantz

In response to: Re: Hello Members introduction

SkantzContributor23 Nov 2020, 6:50 am AEDT

Re: Hello Members introduction

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope

Thanks for taking the time to read my introduction. I have a way to go. But I am learning that the self harm in very unlikely to be final unless too much drink is involved. That is the easy bit. Getting your head around the knowledge that your partner is being totured by themselves and finding the evidence around the house is something I doubt I can ever do.

I can help clean up and even dress the damage but my disappointment that I didn't manage to help her avoid the need stays with me. I remember knowing something was wrong so kept asking her if she wanted a coffee or drink every 5-10 minutes so I had an excuse to check up on her....but in that time he had carved some lines across the back of her wrists and hidden it each time I came in.

I need to know why she couldn't reach out and tell me that she fealt this way? But I guess if I knew this answer I would have plenty of work available in MH!!

There is some conflict between us at the moment because they transferred her to Acute care. She is happy about this because amazingly there are more opportunities for her to get the "relief" of self harm. I am disappointed that the clinic that she was in that I must say was doing a great job become an enabler as they were doing well at minimising her self harm. My partner has been to the acute care facility before and knew that despite the extra noise and less comfortable conditions she will get relief by doing what she knows best.

Although I was clearly my partners carer and the one trying to keep things going at home the facility made the decision with no discussion or dialog with me apart from saying we are transferring her and we have arranged an ambulance

My partner is in the acute facility because she knows that she will get away with self harm and justifies it by the fact that the experts know this is the best place for her. Experts guided by someone who knows how to set the right triggers.

The clinic was tough on her because the staff cared and they were very attentive. She was shown care when she rubbed her knuckles across the rendered concrete etc.

This care and attention took away the "pleasure" of feeling the pain, seeing the blood and the damage and feeling unloved and damaged. So her approach was to game the system so that she would get moved to somewhere where she perform the treatment she is convinced she needs.

I had comfort when my partner was in the clinic as I could see they we making changes and progress.

I then got a text that she can mange the chaos in the acute care because she can release her stress with self harm.

Sadly I don't think I've got the ability to visit her in the acute care facility. The clinic was a comfortable caring place and her self harm was minimal. But the acute care facility is the raw public system and by her admission she has had the opportunity to enjoy her self harm. At the moment I am too stressed, drained at a loss.....................

sorry just relised this is more more than an intro

Maybe I should actually put a new discussion in another place

thanks again for taking the time to read

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