Disassociated and can’t feel my partners immense pain

@Bushunga

This is from the perspective of a person who has experienced 9 months of this treatment from my current ex. We are trying to work at getting back together at some point, but that is not the issue here.

I ended the relationship cause I was so very very unwell. I am an empath like your partner. I went through the same thing too, stopping it before it happened. It never worked. The reality is everytime you do what you do, you break any chance of connecting on any level with your partner. She wants to connect, you do not. She wants to help, you get frustrated.

The thing is, stoppong it from happening is not working. The facts are the root causes of your responses need to be addressed and that is going to take time.

My suggestion, add another, new element to your existing relationship. Learn new things. Start reading different material. Don't make excuses for the material you read. Use your discernment with what you read. Yes, you will be challenged. Start turning your brainwaves around. This is a person you love, and want to be with/commit to.

Start with The five love languages, it's a book. Also, read a lot on communication in relationships, why it's so vital, how to communicate with a partner and so on. Think about what you read. Find something you like, try it. You need to start connecting with your partner, by connecting with yourself first. Respect, communication and honesty. Three vital things. You can change a little which most of the time can change a lot.

She doesn't hate you when you are like this, she doesn't like what it does to you, her and the relationship you are in. Time to pay attention to your relationship. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you are going to keep explaining the reasons why you can't do it, then perhaps a relationship is not right for you at the moment.

I know this sounds harsh. It isn't intended to be. I provide other avenues because sometimes others don't.

All the best.

Ramble.

when Ive been in in a numb state the best thing Ive done is allow myself to feel numb for a while but then slowly work through it and communication with others is very important otherwise it can affect others too

@Bushunga Welcome to the forums.

I also live with dissociation problems. I’ve done quite a bit of reading about it, and found, understanding why, has been helpful. PODS. Uk.org, is well worth looking at, if you feel up to it.

I think understand ourselves, trying, emphasis on trying, to accept it, helps to move, or just shift a little.

Its a slow process.

I’m glad you have found us here.

A forum tip for tagging others. The @brings a dropdown, you can choose the names from there.

Hey @Bushunga I want to point out how great it is that you're aware you're "checking out" and that you want to find a way to change it. Being able to recognise it is a big thing, something some people miss entirely, so that's a good start. I'd encourage you to bring it up with your psychologist and see if they are able to help you figure what's causing you to go into this state. That's great they're giving you tools to try and combat it, but in my experience it's much more useful to uncover the cause of the issue and work on that first.

I am currently experiencing a lot of difficulty in this area as well, and it's all new to me--or at least the awareness around it is. When discussing it with my psych at my last session, he suggested this "switch flipping" response is my way of protecting myself so I don't have to feel or face the emotions. He said that when we hit a point of feeling overwhelmed, our brains can go into a shut down mode so as to protect ourselves.

I really don't have any advice on how to deal with or pull out of this state. But just wanted to say I hear you, and I've been here too. I had a very rough week recently with this disconnected sensation, and it is unsettling not being able to feel things at all. I've experienced that lacking empathy, and yeah, it's not a good feeling when you come out of it, hey? I'm sorry you're having go through this and I hope your psych is able to help you through it. All the best.