Life after a serious mental breakdown

Hi @Powderfinger

It sounds like you've been going through an incredibly tough time.

I understand the feeling of not wanting to be in hospital. I have had quite a few hospital admissions and for me it is a last resort.

When your mental health crumbles, it can be pretty much impossible to see any way forward. I've been there. It is the most dreadful experience. I want to assure you that it is possible to recover. I know it is hard to see it right now, but I am holding the hope for you. You will get there. You're not alone.

I'm wondering, do you have some supports around you?

Sending strength your way,

@Former-Member

I too have had to deal with several breakdowns in my life and have found myself falling into another one.

I understand how distressing it is to be back in that dark place and I have to tell myself over and over again that no matter how horrible it is to be here again, I did survive and I will just have to go through it again somehow.

You are not alone and I want you to know that I am walking that journey with you.

@Former-Member

Hi. What I've been through this year is humanly impossible and I could no longer sustain anything.at all.

As for hospital, yes it's a last resort. It's different this time than it was when I went to hospital last time. I needed to be there. I was going into psychosis and was alone. I needed to not be alone and get seen to asap.

I'm not going into psychosis this time and doing crazy weird things.

Thank you for the reassurance. You are right. I can't see it right now. My extreme fatigue is not helping. I'm thankful I work for myself. I'm tying up.work for the rest of the year and taking extended time off. I have been working hard these last two weeks. I need a long rest. I have nothing left to keep going.

As for support, I'm trying. I don't have a lot. Trying to get support happening is hard. Life in a small regional town has its challenges. I.doubt at this point I can get all the support I need where I live. I'll take what I can get if it is suitable.

Thanks for checking in.

Ramble

@Taleka

I do feel for you having to go through another one. I do not want to do this anymore. I would not wish this on anyone.

It's such a personal journey for each person that goes through one. It is lonenly too. How do ypu explain to those who need to know what you are going through? I do not know. I am finding it hard to just deal with me. A nervous breakdown is so invisible. I do not know where to start and some days I just dont want to do anything, just sit and stare into space. I am usually pretty good at communicating and I can't at all. Sometimes, I just wish people would do some research and find out rather than just sitting there knowing I am struggling.

Walking with you.

Hey @Powderfinger sounds like a really rough time right now. I'm sorry you're struggling but also want to encourage you to give yourself some credit. Being able to take on extra work now with the idea of giving yourself a break is great; but I imagine incredibly stressful trying to get everything in order. I also think it's important to take note of your self awareness here, it appears that you're able to see the red flags and take steps to prepare for a crisis. When you talk about the hospitalisation, did you have that same self awareness of things starting to get rocky? Yeah, those crisis moments are Hell to go through, and yeah I can definitely relate to you here. But I think, as much as I too am afraid of going back to a place so dark, I'm perhaps better equipped to deal with a crisis beause of my past experience with it. Do you feel that way at all? When I was at my worst, I had no self awareness around it at all. Most recently, I had a bit of a... Not setback... An episode? I guess you'd say. And for a couple weeks things were bleak. I did, however, have that experience to draw on and I was able to recognise that I wasn't ok and needed to reach out for support. Which I did. And now I'm gently working through it. Do you have the support of a psychologist/psychiatrist? Or even a GP? I sincerely hope if you don't already have that support in place, that you'll consider looking into it. Having an educated and understanding support person to go to has been a wealth of help for me.

Anyway, just wanted to drop by and say I think you've done great to recognise those red flags and that you're doing what you can now to make it easier to get through later when it all hits.

@saltandpepper

This is a great reply. You made some valid observations and asked good questions. I knew I shouldn't take in any work. I was struggling so much financially which were adding to my stressors. I thought well it's a short gig and will help so much financially. On the other hand I knew all I wanted and needed was major rest and time out. I chose the former. It helped somebody in need, I didn't always charge for my work as it was for someone in need, it did help me out financially and it taught me things. Tomorrow is my last day on the job. All my promises fulfilled. She wants me to stay and do more work for her though.

I can't, I am just not able to physically or mentally. I have let her know tomorrow is my last day as previously agreed. It was a case of there wasn't a right or wrong way to go. I certainly feel like I am a champion. This does not mean I am no longer suffering nor does it mean this has been how my whole life has been and I'm done with that.

Yes, I saw the red flags this time around as opposed to the time I went to hospital five years ago. I was not in a good place at all, extremely unwell and had no idea I should even go to hospital. I was pretty messed up. Thus last one coming up, I saw it coming. I don't think I could have stopped it and I actually didn't have time to prepare for it because there was too many other things going on. One tiny thing happened and that was it, I lost it.

I had been through way too much over an eight months period this year and I had absolutely nothing left in me.

I think each crisis has been different. I haven't really coped with this at all. I have very bad days, more than good. I'm.not sure what to say about it anymore. I guess I just don't think there is much point saying anything.

As for go, pshistridt/psychologist, reaching out and do on, after 21 years I am finished with that. I don't even entertain any if it more. I'm taking a different route as I am tired if the endless cycle if sameness. I truly am fine with it. I've just had more than enough.

I also live in a regional town that us hard to get access to many things including support and the right support. So all that us left to do and is welcome us a change from the same things if the last 21 years.

Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your support. It actually already hit almost three weeks ago now.

Take care.

Ramble.

@Powderfinger Being in a regional location can definitely make it challenging to get the right support, I hear you. However, since the covid pandemic there are a lot of psychologists that offer over the phone support, maybe this is something you can take advantage of? Maybe travelling to see them in person once a month and then make use of phone/face time consults to get you through? But I hear you when you say you've had enough of that, and look, I've been there. I went through a number of psychologists that were all just useless. My GP actually recommend all of those to me. But I decided I knew what I needed, so I went and researched psychologists who specialise/have an interest in the area that I needed support in. I found a few, but one in particular that sounded like a good fit for me. I took his details to my GP and she was happy to refer me on. I've learned that as much as GP's try to help, sometimes we need to be direct and TELL them, because they can be a bit daft around mental health--at least in my experience. If you feel able to do a little research, I'd recommend just doing a google search for psychs who focus on the areas you need support in. I can not stress enough the importance of seeing someone who is suited to your needs! One size does not fit all and it does take time to find someone who is a good fit for you.

I hope your last day today is a breeze to get through with as few hiccups as possible. Wishing you all the best

@saltandpepper

Thank you for sharing your perspective and your journey. I went down the exact path you speak of for many years. It no longer works for me. I am actually working on myself with some help from my friends.

This path was never my path. I'm glad though that I learnt some things, but ultimately it just never did much for me.

I feel I'm on a different path now to you and I'm feeling much less stress about doctors, psychologists and so on.

I hope you had a great day and I wish you all the best.

Hi @Powderfinger

You've done well to take steps to support yourself. Definitely give yourself credit.

I hear you, and I can imagine that it would be hard to find supports living in a small town. The forums are here for you when and if you need them.

Sending strength your way,

Rosie93

@Former-Member

I have energy occasionally to give myself credit. I'm still in the very thick of my breakdown.

Thank you for telling me not to go see my GP, think about going to hospital, find more support or go see my therapist. It puts the control and decisions back in my hands, where it should always have been.

Ramble.