My Mosaic

Still here with you @Bow 💕💕

Thanks @Snowie @Eve7

feel like it’s just getting hard. Wish I could fast forward to say…. February next year.

That would make it so much easier for you @Bow

Just remember one day at a time or even one minute at a time.

We are here for you.

Wish being in hospital wasn’t such an inconvenience for everyone @Snowie

Totally understand @Bow So many bad memories at this time of the year but trying to get through it for D's sake. It's hard when hospital isn't an option.

It is hard hon but please remember you are not alone.

Thanks @Snowie

it really is a hard time of the year. Finding myself wearing a mask so very much. Spending too much time in my head too. My SI hasn’t been too bad the last little while, but she sure has ramped up this week. Lotsa thoughts in my head.
I wanna be present for my daughter, wanna make memories with her, but I am really struggling.
really should of been honest with my support worker today… maybe tomorrow I can. But I don’t wanna be honest with my gp and I’ll see her at that appointment. Nothing from my CM today even after last night.

Urgh Urgh and Urgh some more 😩

It is a hard time of the year. Everybody expects you to be happy and festive and inside all you want to do is curl up into a ball and disappear @Bow That mask certainly does get a work out at this time of year.

Can you write down some things for your SW hon? I know how hard it is telling them. Maybe you can talk to your SW without your gp. I see mine on Thursday and are rarely honest with mine either.

Have you got support over the xmas/new year period or are your supports taking time off?

Aww @Bow here with you hun.

I echo what @Snowie asks about whether writing it down will help!

I hope that you'll be able to get some moments to yourself over the celebratory period, you deserve to be able to shed the mask when you need to just have some moments to beathe. I'm glad you got this space where you can be yourself, and be understood in your struggles. So much social conditioning revolves around this holiday and makes it that much harder for us to prioritise our mental health needs.

Ah @Snowie that is just what it’s like eh! Wanting to curl up in a ball and just disappear! It’s everywhere! No escaping it really. The organisation that my support worker is through, they have a client Christmas lunch on Friday…. And then a client Christmas party next Friday. Getting asked if I will go. I think the less celebrating the better. But the pressure is there to go!

I usually chat with my SW prior to going into my gp appointment. But I don’t know whether I be honest with her and then go in and lie to my gp. Or lie to my gp and then turn around afterwards and be honest with my SW. I can guarantee my gp will say… ‘and you can promise me that you won’t hurt yourself?’. And she will usually double check and ask me twice!

My SW is around over Christmas. She is actually working Christmas Day and my old SW is working Boxing Day. They will be around in general for all clients, not so much one on one support, but I can always talk to them.
I got a call from comm mh yesterday to clarify some details about my meds this week. My CM wasn’t in, so it was someone else, but we chatted a bit and she asked if my CM has started doing a handover yet as she goes on leave in January. I said no. I am anxious about that transition at this time of the year. And I see my psychologist next Wednesday, not sure if she is taking time off yet.

Thanks @Jynx

I think I will write something down… or something for my SW. Or sit down next to her and tell her I’m gonna text her something… that’ll work too!

got all next week to gear up for @Jynx a full week of school holidays before Christmas Day! That feels really daunting!! And I’ve just found out in the last hr that the vacation care I usually use ain’t operating this summer 😩

but hopefully my ex will take my D for a couple of hours on Christmas Day so I can then escape to my room. I’ll probably do that anyways, D will be too busy playing with presents.

I also had bloods done today. And my gp ordered additional ones on top of my regular electrolytes. And on the clinical notes she typed ‘recurrent self inflicted cuts’. 😩😩😩😩 farrrk. I did not wanna hand that piece of paper over and I did not even wanna go there. Judgement. Shame.