My Mosaic

Aww @Bow I appreciate you too! Always have. Take some deep breaths and take the time to step away if you need. Takin it 5 min at a time is always an option. You gonna be ok? Sending hugs 💜

Really not sure @Jynx not ok

I can flick you an email @Bow keep an eye out 💜

Hi @Bow

Hoping today is a little better for you hon 💕💕

Thanks @Snowie not having a good day, just trying to get through each minute at the moment.

my gp called this morning, my bloods ain’t good again .so had to go down and get some meds. Need to get them better before I go on holiday.

how are you today?

Minute by minute is sometimes all we can do @Bow

I hope the meds improve your blood results. Just had mine done the other day too.

I am ok. Got to supermarket and went for a walk with the dog.

Here if you need to chat/sit 💕

Thought that as the years go by that things would get easier. The memories wouldn’t be so daunting. They wouldn’t consume me so much. Leaving me paralysed with fear. But they do. They take my breath away every time a picture is plastered in my head . The sensations I feel in body haunt me as if it’s happening all over again. I didn’t ask for it then and I’m not asking for my body to remind me of it over and over again. The anticipation of the anniversary of that dark scary night fast approaching. The loss of what I didn’t even want as a result.
I still want to scream just like that night, but nothing comes out. No one’s here to hear my cries. Captured, trampled on and taken advantage of. Treated like the trash that I am. I didn’t matter that night, just rubbish to be used and abused and then left with in the dirt. I swear I was marked when I was born, set apart to be preyed upon over and over again. They did what they wanted, took what they took and with each violation a part of my died inside. Left broken.

Hey @Bow ,

We hear how hard it is right now. For now, we can only sit with you. I don't have instant answers for you, but I hear how much you are hurting right now.

As hard as it is to see right now, there is light.

I hope you know that you are not alone here. It's a familiar path to many.

They don’t stop tonight. It seems the more I anticipate all this happening the worse it gets. There is no end. Locked in a prison with no way out. I can’t breathe tonight. The ache in my chest is so heavy. I can see pictures of him in my head. They are still clear as day. Why do I keep remembering him? Why won’t my head let me forget? And that horrible smell. It was disgusting.
why was I chosen? Why did he pick me as his prey? Why did he not leave me alone. All I wanted was fresh air and space to calm down. Doesn’t matter what people say, I should not of been there that night. He would not of picked me if I was safe in my bed. I would not of been thrown to the ground.

Hey @Bow ,

Is there something helpful that can help you out of this thought cycle? It sounds incredibly difficult.

You deserve better.