Well I got my lecture from my gp as predicted. She’s concerned about my increase in SH and very quick decline in my mood. She suggested that we look at a planned admission to do ECT again. I had plans for after my gp appointment to catch up with a group of friends, but my gp sent me and my support worker to comm mh. I wasn’t at all keen to go. I knew that my CM wasn’t in today and didn’t wanna talk to some random. I’m also not at all keen for a long admission for ECT again.
My support worker and I sat on the steps outside and chatted. Worked out a plan. She wasn’t gonna force me to go to comm mh and we agreed that I wasn’t at a point of needing to go to hospital, but I agreed to go comm mh and see if a particular worker was available that I felt comfortable talking to.
They weren’t available and someone else was gonna come down and see me. Thankfully it was someone else that I was ok with. We came up with a plan. I walked out feeling a little lighter, but I have since sunk again. I feel quite distressed. Although I desperately don’t want to be here and I constantly have those thoughts, I am safe as that is not an option at the moment. But by SH urges are extremely high.
Tomorrow I see my CM in the morning. Then my support worker is coming to do a home visit. And Friday I see my pdoc.
Feeling really vulnerable tonight. Exhausted too.
