My Mosaic

@Bow Hey hun, here beside you.

I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling up for going out, but making the decision to stay in, to be selfish, is actually a good thing. You're not ruining her life by honouring yourself - no matter how old we are, we always want our loved ones to be safe n happy. She'd want you to be kind to yourself rather than force yourself into discomfort or pain just to push through.

No no no @Jynx

community mh came by and had to witness me take my meds, which should, hopefully will put me to sleep. At stupid early o’clock.

Well heck @Bow that is a bit rough for you, but even moreso it means that this isn't an active choice that is impacting your D! And the point still stands that if it means you're getting looked after and taking steps that are supportive of your MH, then it's still a good thing that your loved ones would want for you to have.

But it was my choice to do what I did last Sunday night @Jynx and this is all a result of that.

I had an appointment with my pdoc yesterday and it ended in a real shit show. She took me off all my meds. Didn’t care that I won’t sleep, suffer withdrawals. But she obviously changed her mind since I walked out yesterday and tonight.

According to her my body is not my own. It belongs to everyone else.

Maybe so @Bow but it doesn't mean you're being punished for it. It means that the people around you are trying to do everything in their power to protect you.

Unfortunately it sounds like that means a decision has been made about your meds, which I am not surprised that it has left you feeling so disempowered. That is super rough. I hope that it doesn't hit you too hard, with withdrawals and stuff - maybe letting your mum know you might be a bit out-of-action for the next week or so whilst you adjust?

Well I risked it. We went out. My med dose is half of what I usually took and was minus 2 other meds. I am a bit sleepy. Not sure I should have gone and driven. But oh well. D had ‘the best night’.
One of our local shopping centres put on a lights night. Disco balls, glow in the dark face painting, balloon twisting, fairy floss. We lined up for 1 1/2hrs

Got home and mum had to look in my bag. Apparently comm mh called her back and was concerned about me going out without adult supervision, that I would go and buy stuff from the chemist 😩😩😩😩😩😩

@Bow oh wow that sounds like such a wondrous evening for you both! I'm so glad you got to be able to enjoy that.

I can imagine coming home to that would've felt pretty crappy, but I hope you can try to remember that the CMH folks were just doing what they thought was right, and so was your mum. It can feel horrible when people don't seem to trust us, but this does not undo the good. It doesn't take away from the incredible night you got to have, or the special memories you made with your D.