My Mosaic

@Bow I'm sorry you're in this space. Perhaps while you're unable to sleep, you could google some different sorta stuff, like crafting ideas, cute cat videos, or some memes.

I'm off for tonight, but I'm sending some warm hugs and the hope that tomorrow will be better for you.

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@Bow wrote:
I’m in so much pain

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So very sorry, dear @Bow 😞

Sending 💜

Hi @Bow

Been reading how much pain you have been in hon and how much is happening at the moment.

Sending lots of love and light your way. So looking forward to catching up with you 💕💕💕

Hi @Snowie @Bow @NatureLover ,

Good to see you all.

Everything is so hard at home. When mum asked all those months ago if it was ok that my step dad pass at home and I said yes, I had no idea that it would look like this and be this hard. Not that I would change my answer or anything. But it’s so bloody hard. He is so depressed. He cries a lot. He wants silence a lot of the time which is hard with a kid around and animals too. I’m constantly having to tell my D to be quiet, to shhhhh and to lower her voice. Even the dog with its squeaky toys- my D got blamed for that today. I don’t like going in there. I don’t like looking at him. He has changed so much. He looks so frail.
I don’t remember much at all of my first step dads passing, I mean the time leading up to it. I was only 13 or 14. He passed at home too. I remember the actual afternoon very clearly, I remember who was around and what happened. He died of cancer. He was also one of my abusers.
Some community worker called this afternoon. Mum chatted with her for ages. Apparently she is going to organise for a social worker to come. Not sure for what purpose.
He ate something Friday night and hasn’t really eaten anything since. Mum is spending a lot more time in there now. Whenever he is awake she sits in there with him. They watch something on TV and then he wants to sleep again. Before this most recent hospital admission he slept with the door shut. Now it’s open. So we have to be more quiet.
I didn’t do much today. Stayed curled up in bed most of the day. I have felt terribly depressed too. But how can I compare??? How can I do this to my mum??? It will just be cruel and selfish. That’s who I think about the most in this. How will my mum fair up after all of this. My D will be fine. She talks like the sun shines out of her fathers a$$. I can’t stand it. I know who he really is. So terribly broken

Hugs @Bow .

I hear it is so hard for you right now.

Are you able to phone someone tonight to speak to them?

I'm here if you want to chat.

@Bow sitting right here with you.

You have so much going on at the moment.

I know what it is like to have a terminally ill dad. My dad was in the same position. Wanting to pass at our house. It is so hard to see them go down that path. So so hard.

Here with you hon 💌💌

We're here if you need a chat 🙂 @Bow