Thanks @NatureLover @Snowie
daughter is home again today but is much better. She will be back to school tomorrow I think. I am suppose to provide the school with a medical certificate because she has been away sick for 3 days but I really can’t deal with the hassle that that brings. Getting an appointment with a doctor at the clinic that I take her to is so difficult and to do a Telehealth which would be ideal, is no longer bulk billed. I would take her up to the pharmacy I go to, they provide medical certificates for $20, but I really don’t wanna have to pay for it! I have communicated with the school every day that she has been sick that will just have to suffice.
I have just got home from a really intense and long appointment with my pdoc. I don’t think I have ever been in there for the full hour before… it actually went over. We spent the majority of the time talking about my eating. I tried to verbalise the intensity of how much I hate myself, how fat and disgusting I am and how desperate I am to lose weight. I found a lot of what she said and did really unhelpful. She talked a lot of numbers. She wanted to work out my bmi to show me that I am not as fat and overweight as I say I am, but because I refuse to get on the scales she asked me what my heaviest weight was, which I told her and she said that I am nowhere near that now, so said I don’t have as much weight to lose as I think. But she is wrong. I told her she was wrong.
they want me to pack away my bike…. And have given me until Monday to do that. My CM will do a home visit on Monday to check and if I haven’t done it my pdoc reckons she herself will come and move it. I said it won’t be happening. I’m not packing it away.
pdoc also said she’s gonna buy me a weeks supply of gaterade. I have to drink a bottle a day apparently to keep my electrolytes up.
she challenged me heaps and did the whole…. If it was your daughter saying all this what would I say and do. I just got annoyed and sat there shrugging my shoulders. I really dislike when people try doing that stuff.
I have no desire to do anything that she suggested. I don’t think she really understood the intensity of the self hatred and disgust that I have. I took a shower this morning before my appointment, I had to. It had been 4 days. That in itself is disgusting.
she changed my nightmare meds and reduced one of my night time meds. The new nightmare one should help me sleep too. But she warned me about the side effects, both of which can be impacted by my ED behaviours, which I have no desire to reduce.
well, I see my CM on her own tomorrow, will see how that goes…
