My Mosaic

@Bow Luckily at SANE, there is 😊

Yeah I can imagine it feels like your psych isn't seeing the intensity of your MH at the moment. But I wonder if you could look at it as like, maybe your psych has a lot of hope for your future? That's what it sounds like to me.

Perhaps a conversation about this is needed so you can both collaborate on setting realistic expectations around what you feel capable of, and what you want to build toward 💜

Yeah, I think she does @Jynx she has heaps of hope…. And I really struggle with that. I remember when I first started seeing her we worked out like a 5 year plan/goals. She often brings them up and they feel so much further away. Like totally out of reach and unattainable.

@Bow hmm... maybe it's a struggle because you feel like you have to live up to her expectations? Which in some ways can be helpful, because it can give us motivation to keep going when we may have failed to do so without that support, without someone believing in us.

But if it's actually creating pressure that is having a negative impact on you, then again it is worth having that open and honest conversation w her about it so you can find a way of continuing to get support, but support that is right for where you're at.

Hey @Bow

I hope today is being kind to you.

I want to respond to last nights post. I was at work so I couldn’t.

I am the one in the tracksuit at comm health with unwashed hair. Until I read your post I didn’t realise. When I’m feeling good I do present myself better.

I went to the GP once in a really bad place but I had dressed better so therefore she thought I was doing well. So maybe we are judged on the way we are presented. Even though we shouldn’t be. It should be about what we say not how we look.

I have a psychiatrist app this week and now I don’t know what to wear! Lol.

As for working and my MH. I find it usually helps. It does make it easier that I do all my hrs in a couple of days and then have a few days off. I find the structure and routine helps keep my mind occupied. In my working block I don’t really have a lot of free time as I’m only home for 9hrs before I have to go back again.

This block has been hard as I was in a really bad place before I went back. But even though I had to fight myself to go, it has helped.

I don’t know if this answers any of your questions but it feels good to share it anyway! It has opened my eyes a little about myself so thanks!

Captain24 💕

Thanks heaps for sharing @Captain24 i appreciate it.

I live in active wear pants/shorts and over sized tshirts at home. It’s what I am comfortable in, especially the over sized t. But I always put some denim on the bottom when I go out, but last Friday when I went to comm mh I didn’t!! I wonder sometimes we actually kinda do ourselves a disservice by ‘dressing’ up for people who really don’t care how we look, and if we were more honest it would probably be better for us.

I have a gp appointment and then a comm mh appointment tomorrow morning and I’m gonna try and just dress how I feel. Not put any unnecessary effort in. Although I’d really just like to not attend the second appointment.

Hey @Bow I've emailed you to check in when you've got the chance ❤️

Hi @Bow

I hope your appointments went well. I’m hoping dressing how you feel helped.

Thanks @Captain24 gp appointment went ok. Case manager appointment not so. Didn’t wanna be there. I was late to start with cause I sat in my car for ages deciding whether to go in or not. Then I left after waiting a couple of minutes. My CM came found me sitting outside. We sat in silence for ages cause I couldn’t get many words out while I scratched at my arms. Eventually agreed to go inside. Didn’t say too much other than I don’t wanna be here anymore. And then got up and left after a short while. 😩

At least one went ok @Bow.

Im sorry that it didn’t go well with your CM. It’s good that she come and found you. Not saying anything is ok. I’m sure she understands. I’ve done that before too. My CM is great when I’m like that. I usually have to send a follow up email the next day though or she will call. I hope you get follow up.

Im sorry that you’re sitting with not wanting to be here. It’s a horrible place to be in. Especially when it consumes your thoughts constantly. I don’t want to be here either but it’s not as consuming as it was. I just don’t want to have to live with this anymore.

I went to the GP today and left with referrals for blood tests, an ultrasound and an mri. I’m kind of hoping they find something so I don’t have to go on. But they won’t. The mammogram was clear.