My Mosaic

Stay safe @Bow 🤗💞🙏

“May The good Lord bless you and keep you,

May His face shine upon you and give you peace now and always”

Big hugs @Bow

🤗💖🤗

Lovely @Bow. I'm hearing your struggle and your pain and I'm so sorry this is something you're having to go through. I can see there are many others here who care and have been concerned about you- please know you're not alone and we'll be here with you as you ride out this wave. Know too that it's ok to not feel ok all the time, though it's hard. You deserve help and it's important to reach out for that support when you need it- not an easy thing to do, I know.

For me, one of the things I struggle with the most with reaching out is when I have to repeat my story over and help a new support professional understand where I'm coming from. I'm wondering if that rings a little true for you, and if so, if there's anything that might help with this? I will often write it all down so I can hand it over to someone to read- this way, they still get the information I need them to have without me needing to repeat it over again and we can get into where I'm at a little quicker too. Feel free to keep posting here too to keep us updated and reach out for support as you need it. Wishing you strength through this tough time and hoping for better days ahead. 💖💖

thanks for responding @TideisTurning yes i very much get tired of having to tell my story all over again to each new person. i get very frustrated, feel worthless and that i am wasting yet again another persons precious time and its like an ongoing and constant reminder of how truly complicated and messy my life is and heaven forbid if i forget to mention a seemingly small detail and it later comes to light that it was in fact an important piece of information. i dont know whats important and whats not, its all just a big mess to me.

i see my gp this afternoon, everything in me wants to cancel. i dont know how to talk to her honestly. i dont know how to tell her that im not taking the meds and i am terrified of how she will respond. if im not taking the meds is there any real reason to even go?? is there any reason to any of this anymore.

@Bow in my experience, life can be like that for many- complicated and messy. As far as what's important, I'd say whatever feels important for you- at the end of the day, the way I see it, any support professional you speak to is there for you, so it's what's important for you that counts the most.

I can understand why seeing your GP feels scary too, though it also sounds like it might be really important to see her- she's someone who's there to help you, but she can only do that if she knows what's happening, as scary as that might be to admit. I've found that for me, the scariest conversations have also been some of the most important, and it's when I'm really honest about what's happening, and why (if I have an idea) that those around me are able to help come up with and implement solutions. Wishing you the courage and strength to do what you need to do.

Can’t get out of the car everything in me is telling me to drive away

How did you go today @Bow

💚🦋💚

Not so great @Eve7 but I went. I sat in my car for 1/2hr and cried after.

i couldn’t tell her that I hvent been taking the meds. I couldn’t find the words. I do have to take them in and drop what’s supposedly left into her tomorrow morning. She said while I’m in my current state it’s not safe for me to have a full bottle of them cause too much can have just as bad affect as too little. She will give me what I need when I need. Will she notice that I haven’t actually taken any? She said she would count them... she did want me to give them to my my but I said no. I didn’t want to have that conversation with her and my gp offered to call her instead and I said no, I just can’t deal with that at the moment, so she said she would take them.

i did tell her that I haven’t been doing too well. She wrote down everything I’ve eaten the last few days- not much she said.

And she has just called me saying that she has spoke to the psychiatrist and he will see me urgently on Australia Day instead of waiting until mid March. She is lovely but I feel so undeserving.

So todays appointment is done. Psychologist tomorrow morning and then we are going away for the rest of the week. Have to have my bloods done again on Friday before seeing my gp again on Monday.

Im really anxious about going away. Happy for the break away from home and being right by the water, but it’s with friends, some know a little of what’s been going on, but not sure how to be strong enough and hold myself together in front of others for 4 days and keeping myself physically well while away.

Thansk for checking in with me. Know your days are difficult at the moment too. Thinking of you hope you are ok?