My Mosaic

Did not want to take up the other thread and be insensitive or anything @amber22

I been having a lot of flashbacks today and they making me think about things. feeling a whole lotta sadness and grief at the moment. In January it will be 2 yrs since I was sa. Some time after that I found out something but then lost it- if that makes sense.

This must be a really hard time for you @Bow , I completely acknowledge that. Are you able to see someone professional/ a support system that you could speak about this with? I know that it would be so difficult, but I really hope that you are able to get the right help that you need. Please reach out to our drop in line if you want any extra support too. Do you have much planned for the following days or are you taking some time out to grieve? I am sitting with you ❤️

@Bow

@amber22 I have a really good psychologist and she is aware of this anniversary coming up in January. We touched ever so briefly on it yesterday, perhaps that is why yesterday and today have been extra challenging? My psychologist also made my mum aware of this time of the year being difficult… without telling her why- I don’t want mum to know. I have a 2 week break from my psychologist now, shitty timing of it all really, but she sure deserves some time off, it’s more shitty that it happened at this time of the year and my body forces me to remember it when I don’t want to.

I also see my case manager on Thursday and she knows about it too. Although she isn’t as good to talk to about it. I think she isn’t as experienced, she’s much younger and sometimes says really insensitive things.

I don’t have too much planned for the coming days, but I will keep myself busy. I need to keep busy. I have been finding myself disassociating a lot. It feels horrible. But I can’t stop it

I am so glad to hear that you are surrounded by such a good support system @Bow I also am really happy to hear that your support system is aware of what you are feeling and that it is a challenging time for you right now (even though your mum doesn't know exactly what it is that you went through, she is aware that it is a difficult time right now, this is something that I find to be really helpful in my own life - when people know that I am not feeling great but don't necessarily know what about, can you tell that I am someone that finds it hard to open up? haha).

I hope that you are able to keep yourself busy with good things, and that your psychologist is back in no time, I find this time of year goes by so quickly (even though it isn't my most favourite, the days seem to fly by for me, I hope they do for you too).

I'm glad that you are seeing your case manager on Thursday, I hope it goes well. That is a bit annoying that she isn't as experienced, hopefully she learns with time that she needs to be more aware of the things she says in sensitive situations.

What are you up to tonight? @Bow

@amber22 I really struggle to open up as well. I get very frustrated with myself, especially with my psychologist. I totally trust her, she is amazing, I just really struggle to talk. I often take my journal in and share something that I have written, often about the previous weeks session or something that came up after it.

yeah I’m sure the time will fly by. Usually does at this time of the year.

I’ve not long ago crawled into bed. It’s a cool night so I’m snuggled under the covers. Got my teddy beside me, helps me feel safe when I have nightmares, which is multiple times a nights the moment.

That is so great that you have found a psychologist that you can really trust @Bow I'm glad that you have a lovely relationship with them and that you are able to share what you have written. I am working on being more open, I feel like I only ever share a small part of myself with people and I am really struggling to share more with anyone, but I so want to!! It's like something stops me (definitely a protective factor to it).

I'm sorry that you have been having nightmares. What is your teddys name? Mine is called peaches, I sleep with her every night, shes a cute little seal hehe ❤️

Sorry I feel asleep @amber22 !

yep, I get that too… I’m too scared to share a lot of stuff. But I am slowly getting better, trying to share more and talking more with my psychologist.

my teddy doesn’t have a name…. Not one that I remember anyways. It’s actually one that I had when I was a kid. My psychologist suggested that I pull it out and hug it when my inner critic is really loud.

I hope that you had a restful sleep last night! Aw that sounds very nice, I love hugging my teddy too, it makes my inner child feel very comforted. Wish I could bring her around with me to work sometimes!

I definitely feel you on the sharing with others, I am glad that you are able to share more with your psychologist. I hope you have a nice day today, do you have much planned for today? @Bow

not too much today @amber22 ran a few errands early this morning and then dropped my daughter and mum off at the shops to do some Christmas shopping together. Now I have some time to myself and am just on the treadmill