My Mosaic

I can’t deal with these anymore

another day of the relentless shit

Hey @Bow here with you 💜

Anything you wanna chat about?

Just so fed up with my body and head remembering things that I don’t wanna remember @Jynx

Mm I feel you @Bow ... I dunno if this relates at all but, the trans experience (I'm nonbinary) is rife with being uncomfortable in your own skin. It's rough. Sometimes I have to try to really focus on the things my body does for me, rather than the shape of it... cos it is the thing that sends info to my brain - my body is what tells me about the softness of my cat's fur, the smell of my fav flower (jasmine), the sight of the leaves turning red in autumn...

And yeah intrusive memories is rough, my dear. Have you got anything else you can spend some time focusing on? Garden, painting, tv show, or something?

Sending hugs 💜

I see what you mean @Jynx … I think

I just know it will be the same tomorrow and the day after that. Can’t keep doing it. Just can’t. Didn’t ask for it but maybe it’s what I deserve now

@Bow I hear you, on how frustrating it is... how demoralising.

Change is painfully slow... but it is also inevitable. Things might feel exactly the same tomorrow but none of us can predict how our lives will be even 6 months from now.

From my perspective, I feel you've made lots of progress in the last six months. Sure it's been up and down but I know you're more aware than previously, and that you have had the strength to keep pushing through.

You can change how your tomorrow unfolds too. Spontaneity can be a boon when feeling stuck in a rut. Saying - 'feck it, I'm going to the park, or the beach, or getting a massage... Just cos I can!' is always an option... 😊

ya think @Jynx ? I don’t feel like I’ve got anywhere really. I’m still in the difficult place I’m in. Struggling with the same things. Still wanting to die. See no progress.

nothing really spontaneous about tomorrow. Unfortunately got plans, not that I wanna do any of them.

@Bow Yeah I believe you have made progress! But I can empathise with you not seeing it, especially if your day to day is still so hard.

What kind of plans you got? Anything you can blow off, so you can do something for you?

Got to take mum to market tomorrow and set her up. Then home to get ready for church- it’s the kids Christmas service. After church gotta race back and pack up mums market stall. Then home where I will have to get on the tready and bike @Jynx