My Mosaic

I hear it's hard right now @Bow - but it won't always be like that. The sun will shine.

Take care hun, tyme.

Remember to reach out if you feel the need to:

- Lifeline on 13 11 14

- Beyondblue on 1300 224 636

- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

Give yourself the chance. Give yourself the love you deserve. Life is waiting for you.

She sat staring at me my whole session. I kept glancing over at her but I couldn’t lock eyes with her. I knew what she had already been through. I knew the brokenness she felt. The sadness. Her innocence taken away at such a young age. She should of been care free. Her childhood in tack. But monsters stole so much from her.

Hi @Bow

Sorry I'm a bit behind...just wanted to ask you about the words you wrote. How are you going today?

Sending hugs

Hanami

Seen my psychologist this morning @hanami . last week she asked me to send her a photo of myself when I was little. She had it printed out and in session today. Guess that was who I was referring to in those words….

bit raw and yuck at the moment

I thought that may be the case. You write really well. I could feel the emotion.

Feeling raw is understandable. I hope you feel a bit better soon. Do you have your little girl's Christmas presents sorted? I miss having little kids to do that!

Sending hugs

Hanami

@hanami I have a second photo on my phone, of when I was even younger. I explained to my psychologist that I flick backwards between the 2 of them. One when I was about 5… when everything was ‘normal’ and good. And then the one of me when I was 12- that’s the one my psych had today. She asked me to send the other one to her too….. I have something brewing inside about both photos. Words. I will try and share once it’s out of my head.

and yes, I’ve finished Christmas shopping for my daughter. I wrapped them on Saturday too. I love gift wrapping. I just have a friend to buy something for and then the gift for myself that my psychologist tasked me to do!

I love that idea of buying something for yourself! I bet your daughter is super excited.

There is indeed something profound about looking at childhood photos. And I imagine it's so much more so when you have endured trauma. I was always a deep thinker and can see that in my eyes when I was a kid. It can bring sadness at times.

I do love reading your words ❤️

I have no idea what to by myself though @hanami there isn’t really anything that I need or want. But now that I have finished shopping for everyone else I can go to the shops with just me in mind and hopefully I will see something that I like.

I often feel nothing for my inner vulnerable child. She’s dead to me. But looking at these photos…: it does bring about sadness.

I think it's a great idea to just wander around the shops and wait for something to pop out at you that appeals. It will be nice to just browse.

I get that your younger self is dead to you. That must be rough.

Hugs

Hanami

Feeling so many overwhelming emotions tonight.