Feeling really frustrated and trapped tonight.
A dr late this arvo mentioned the term 'therapeutic psych ward'. I've never once experienced that when being in the psych ward. Therapeutic that is.
He said that he would much prefer to see me in a therapeutic psych ward getting help for my eating disorder than sitting here in a medical ward. The psych ward is not helpful for my ED. Every time I've been there I've been left to not eat for days until I am medically unwell. Staff are not equipped. They have no idea. They do not know how to help me.
But then a medical ward isn't helpful either. The nurses don't have the time.
But I'm not medically well enough at the moment to go to the psych ward.
I 'm waiting to see a dietitian tomorrow to try and get me to have some nutritional drinks.
I have no desire to eat. None at all. I don't want to.
While a psych ward admission will keep me safe. That's all it does. They don't offer any other support.
I'm frustrated by how long this is all taking.
My eating..,, or lack there of, was a big contributing factor to why I am in this place. It's a big part of why I did it. I knew the spiral I was getting myself into and couldn't see a way out.
And here I still am. A week since I've eaten. I feel absolutely shit. And I don't know what the way out is.
The gastro dr who thinks the 'therapeutic psych ward' will have all the answers doesn't want to do an NG. I don't want to either. I remember my last experience. But I also remember it took the horrible constant choices out of my hands and gave me a break. It gave me a chance to breath. To get some much need nutrients in so that I could then make those choices again.
Sorry just feel like I am venting. I'm angry.
