My Mosaic

Hello hello @Bow 🙂

Hey @tyme

How was your day?

Hey @Bow ,

I've been out all morning, then I went to have my 4th covid shot. Now, I'm just chilling with my forums family until 10pm tonight!

Let's pardy! I'm having a cuppa tea. What would you like today?

I wish I drank tea @tyme ill have a hot chocolate thanks

I don't drink that much tea, but because I've eaten so many sweets today, I just want a tea to wash it all down @Bow .

Here's a hot choc for you 🙂

How's your baby girl going? What's she up to?

Thanks @tyme

My little girls is alright. Waiting for her to get sleepy so I can put her to bed and then I can go to bed myself.

i

got the terrible sads tonight. Wanna cry.

Seems like this sadness has been lingering for a while now @Bow . What do you think helps? I've been in that place @Bow . I have felt how much it hurts. I have felt how hard it is to get up. I have felt the darkness. I have felt that I cannot get up.

Yet I have to say, in my journey, I've had to make myself reach out. I had to work against my instincts to better myself and find a life worth living. When I didn't feel like going out, I made sure I went out. When I didn't feel like seeing people, I made myself see people. When I didn't feel like eating, I made myself eat something small. When my brain went around the world with negative thoughts, I distracted those thoughts to think of other things. When I didn't want to take meds, I did take them.... all for the purpose of undoing the unhelpful thinking I have over the years developed because of childhood trauma....

I find I now instinctively do these things (phew! About time! It's taken years to re-train this stubborn brain of mine...)

You have so much care and love for others @Bow . Let others also show you the same - because you are worth it.

Thanks @tyme not real sure what to say to all of that sorry.

That's @Bow . It's okay not to know what to say @Bow .

'I don't know' was a common phrase when my world was messy. All that came out was: "I don't know".

I'm looking around my house and I feel it's so messy... but I don't feel like doing anything about it. LOL. I'm just gonna take it easy tonight and hang out with you and others. 🙂

I feel like I have so many grand plans in my brain... it's so exciting, but I actually have no idea what I'm doing. This is what happens to a brain that never stops. It's either thinking one thing or another. It used to be all negative thinking... maybe we both have super active brains?

‘I don’t know’ is a very common phrase that comes out of my mouth at the moment @tyme . I remember sitting with my psychologist on Monday and she kept asking me questions about what I did last week. I really had no answers for her and I felt useless..:: terrible…. That I was just there wasting her time. Actually I often don’t have answers to get questions. But there is so much going on inside my head…. Way too much. It’s so loud and noisy. I often want to escape the world cause of the noise that is inside my head. But none of it makes sense to me… it’s just that…. Noise. A mess. I hate it. 😩