My Mosaic

Hi @Bow , thanks for checking in ❤️

Am sad to hear where you're at mentally and emotionally 😞

You haven't upset anyone...we care about you.

I hope you can stay safe while you take a break...sending 💜 and wishes for you...

TW: talk of suicide

There is so much shame linked to a suicide attempt. That your a bad person. That your weak. That your a failure. And all of those reasons can be reasons to suicide in the first place. It’s like a double edged sword.

I attempted suicide this week. I couldn’t comprehend how to continue in life with all the things that I have to deal with, the pain, the constant noise inside my head, my chronic eating disorder thoughts. I just wanted it all to be over.

I failed though. A failed attempt. I guess there ain’t many things in life that it’s good to fail at.

I didn’t go to church today. I’m not going to the meeting I’m suppose to be going to tonight either. I can’t face people. I can’t pretend that everything is ok. And I don’t want to admit that everything is a mess either, so it’s just easier to avoid people all together.

Tomorrow I see my psychologist and I guess my case manager will want to see me too. I’ll get asked to hard questions. The why’s, the how’s, the where’s. All questions I know the answers to but I’m afraid to admit. I wish I hadn’t failed so I didn’t have to face all of this.

wow @Bow . I think you are brave and strong for sharing your story. I am so sorry that you have to go through all this and I hear you that you will have a tough time ahead. But I for one am glad you failed.

@Bow sorry to hear about your attempt and the thoughts and feelings surrounded by it.

It is really hard to know what to do afterwards. Especially when our minds are all over the place.

I hope you have been able to do something nice for yourself today.

Sitting with you hon 💗💗

Hi @Bow ,

It sounds like you still have thoughts around suicide, and are feeling somewhat uncertain of your upcoming appointments.

Perhaps you can write a few things down about how you are feeling? Engaging in something creative may also help you. I know you have used art to share your experiences and feelings. Is this something you can do tonight so that you can share it with your treating team?

Just a few thoughts.

Don’t know if I can string together anything worth sharing @tyme everything is just a mess inside my head.

You don't have to string anything together for me @Bow .

I just want you to know we care. Sitting with you.

tyme

I really don’t know what to do @tyme I can’t keep living like this. I can’t keep making attempts cause one of these days I will not fail, I will not reach out for help. And that doesn’t even scare me.

I don’t have any words of wisdom @Bow. Just know that I’m sitting with you and care for you