My Mosaic

Rambling is fine @Bow

I really don’t like change I don’t adapt really well. It’s a shame that it’s not the same anymore.

Well done for being able to speak in church. I can’t get up in front if people and speak.

Is that the only work that you do? At least it gives you something to focus on.

I have lived here all my life and don’t really have many connections left. It’s hard to make any friends as you get older. I’m not sure where to find any connections.

Hope you are doing ok still

I seen my psychologist this morning. I have been very hesitant in going the last couple of weeks, guess I don’t wanna open any boxes that are gonna leave me feeling really vulnerable and yuck right before our trip. But it’s the way that it went today. I feel so raw and broken today.

We talked a lot about the mirror today, and what I see and how it makes me feel. I hate what I see. The critic is very loud at the moment and the ED comes out and backs it up.

My psych wrote some stuff down. Said it was the truth compared to what I was saying. She read it out…. So hard to hear. Don’t believe any of her words. I got real agitated with her. She gave them to me to take home. Said to read them. I can’t even look at them. Said she would call me tomorrow.

i then seen my case manager… was a waste of her time. Was too…. Upset from my psych appointment.

I’m so sorry @Bow that it didn’t go well.

I understand what it’s like to hate what you see and how hard it is to hear the positive things. I don’t believe it either but I don’t have an ED that it can trigger. I really do believe that it’s what is on the inside that’s more important but that’s hard to.

Sorry I’ve got no advice but just know that I partly understand and am here for you.

Sending hugs

Captain24 💕

Hey @Bow

So sorry your appt didn't go well. EDs are so nasty that you will go one step forward then feel like you go 2 steps back all of a sudden. Things are hard to face, old habits are hard to move away from. I really hope you pick up and feel better soon. You've been going so well heart

Hugs,

Hanami

Thanks @Captain24 @hanami

really not feeling ok this afternoon. It’s all too raw.

Are you able to distract yourself @Bow? Maybe look through the itinerary of your trip with miss 7 and google search what to do in places?

A hot shower or warm bath?

I am here if you want to chat

I’ve kept so much inside me for so long @Captain24 stuff that I am too scared to tell anyone. Letting bits and pieces out today was so hard, feel like my soul has been exposed.

trying to keep myself busy, but this horrible feeling won’t go away.

Letting things out is so hard @Bow . Especially the deepest darkest things. I have told the MH nurse some of my inner secrets while it was horrific it did feel a little better a couple of days later.

That exposed feeling is the pits.

Hopefully you can be gentle with yourself.

I’m here with you

It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable @Bow Think of how far you've come and how much you have achieved 💝

Thanks @Captain24 @Paperdaisy

Not sure what to do tonight