My Mosaic

@Bow I get the impression you've been doing a bit better the last few days?

Thinking of you tomorrow with your two medical appts...

What gives you that impression @NatureLover ?!

….yes, I feel like I’ve been in a better place. Amazing what a bit of motivation will do. And I find that when I come here and give a little, it helps me too.

skipping church today… it was just a church picnic today and don’t feel up to going to that. Feeling a bit tired today. And don’t feel like I’m ready to sit down and eat around friends.

yes, I have 2 appointments tomorrow, psychologist and then the dentist late in the arvo. I’m a bit anxious about my psych appointment. I think we are taking a bit of a break from processing trauma, don’t want to get into the heavy stuff so close to going away, although my psych believes I have the ability to do it. So what do we do instead? I do want to talk a bit about my health concerns…. And my worry about having to wait so long.
my dietitian is back this week too. Friday I see her. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. She takes the school holidays off and then she has to cancel my last appointment, so we have lots of talk about.

my step dads condition hasn’t been good the last couple of days. Which is a worry. He was really breathless overnight… just sleeping. He didn’t get up yesterday. Just hope that he doesn’t get worse in the lead up to us going and while we are away.

what are your plans for today @NatureLover ? Is the sun shining in your part of the world?

So pleased my impression was correct and you've been doing a little better the last few days @Bow ...you've seemed more positive and I've seen your posts helping others. 🙂

At your dietician appt on Friday you're having the meal replacement shake?

That's a worry about your stepdad.

No sun here, but a partly sunny week ahead, yay!

Hope both your appts go well today 💜

Thanks @NatureLover 🙂

yes, I think I will do the meal support with my dietitian this week, we missed it last time when she had to cancel my last appointment. I will then have one more appointment with her before we leave.

yes, I am worried about my step dad. We have never know how much time he has had left. He has been sick for years.

One appointment down so far today. I feel a bit flat after my appointment with my psychologist this morning. I shared a poem I wrote and it was a bit triggering. She has given me some home work in response to my poem.

🎀

Hi @Bow

I'm so glad you seem to be a bit better lately. I've noticed your positive posts too. You must be getting excited about your overseas trip!

How are you feeling about the poem now? It's hard opening up and being vulnerable. It can be so triggering yet also it's good to share. Lots of emotions to deal with.

Hugs to you

Hanami

Thanks @hanami and yes I am getting excited about our trip. 3 weeks til we leave.

still feeling a bit raw and vulnerable about sharing my poem. I said some words out loud today that I haven’t said before, they were too hard. Even today I had to pause for a long time before and after. But I said them. I got them out. I’m glad my psychologist creates a space for me to feel safe to do so.

I’m ok, just feeling a bit sad tonight. Another post got me thinking. I’m mostly ok with my own company, but sometimes it would be nice to have real, proper friends. I have one close friend. We catch up most weeks and text back and forth. But that’s about it. I gave up on a lot of my other friends when I quit being the one that always initiated the contact- quickly see who your real friends are.

Ive grieved a lot of friendships over the years. Making friends as an adult is hard, so when I do make friends I put a lot of time and effort in, But for them to all but shrivel up and die.

I wonder what is so wrong with me? What do I do that is wrong?

I'm sorry to hear @Bow . It is difficult when you would ideally like something, yet it doesn't eventuate without you exerting all your time and energy. It sounds so tiring.

I'm a little guilty of being the person who doesn't initiate conversation. Who doesn't care about keeping friends or not. Who doesn't return messages.

I'm thinking I really should be more mindful of the stress it may cause the other party. Thank you for showing me that @Bow . I really appreciate it.

I'm thinking that it begins with you loving yourself. Now, I don't mean it's good to be absolutely egotistical, but I'm thinking that you first have to love yourself before other relationships come by.

I my early days, I longed for company and friendship. I bent over backwards for people - only to be hurt. Nowadays, I'm like - meh? come if you want, don't if you don't want. I'm happy either way 🙂

There's no easy answer or easy fix. I hope you will find the support and company you are looking for. In your area, do you have community groups run by the council? I find that these are good meeting places.

Let me know how you go. I'd be very interested to hear.

tyme

I give you permission to love yourself @Bow . You deserve it.

Hugs, tyme

I was the same @Bow when I read it.

I am so content being on my own and not putting myself into social situations. I love that it’s just me and the dog but there is the odd time that I would love to have a friend to go for a hot chocolate with or to lunch with. Or even to have someone to call and chat too.

I also often wonder what is wrong with me.